[duplicate 投稿されました on 書く spot]
An idea popped into my head the other 日 and its been playing like a little movie in my head ever since. I really need to know if its any good, または if the idea has already been used. Also I need アドバイス for the characters and their names. I also appreciate constructive criticism and grammar and spelling. The names are temporary. I've never written a book that is completely in the present tense so please help me catch any tense mistakes! Um, oh yeah. It doesn't have a タイトル yet so if あなた have any suggestions just let me know!
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short プレビュー of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank あなた Mrs. Monrale, あなた too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a プレビュー of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah 発言しました the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in 愛 with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be 音楽 to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up 愛 notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
An idea popped into my head the other 日 and its been playing like a little movie in my head ever since. I really need to know if its any good, または if the idea has already been used. Also I need アドバイス for the characters and their names. I also appreciate constructive criticism and grammar and spelling. The names are temporary. I've never written a book that is completely in the present tense so please help me catch any tense mistakes! Um, oh yeah. It doesn't have a タイトル yet so if あなた have any suggestions just let me know!
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short プレビュー of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank あなた Mrs. Monrale, あなた too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a プレビュー of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah 発言しました the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in 愛 with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be 音楽 to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up 愛 notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
1-a phone conversation between Mr Wong and Mr Davis:
Mr Wong:Hello Mr Davis
Mr Davis :who is speaking?
Mr Wong :this is Jack Wong from barking , east england .
Mr Davis:oh, yes. thank あなた for ringing
Mr Wong : how is the hotel?
Mr Davis:Oh,it is fine.,can あなた tell me about the arrangements for tomorrow?
Mr Wong : yes ,sir .I'll pick あなた up at eight o'clock at your hotel
Then,I'll take あなた to the office to Meet Mr Michael.Is that OK,sir?
Mr Davis : Yes that's OK, but I need to check out the deal before taking me there ,Is That working?
Mr Wong :yes,sir. With a lot of pleasure
Mr Wong:Hello Mr Davis
Mr Davis :who is speaking?
Mr Wong :this is Jack Wong from barking , east england .
Mr Davis:oh, yes. thank あなた for ringing
Mr Wong : how is the hotel?
Mr Davis:Oh,it is fine.,can あなた tell me about the arrangements for tomorrow?
Mr Wong : yes ,sir .I'll pick あなた up at eight o'clock at your hotel
Then,I'll take あなた to the office to Meet Mr Michael.Is that OK,sir?
Mr Davis : Yes that's OK, but I need to check out the deal before taking me there ,Is That working?
Mr Wong :yes,sir. With a lot of pleasure
so i 発言しました
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i said
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he said
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he said
what do あなた want from me
and i said
a
ba
na
an
a
A バナナ
please write a quote because i worked so hard
and i 愛 this
and
i wish it could be a great seller
so
WRITE SOMETHING TODAY!
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
BANANA!
I
LOVE
バナナ
WE
LOVE
バナナ
but the バナナ died so i can't eat it so i chucked it away
so goodbye banana
how ランダム was that so rate it out of ten
PLEASE
i also write stuff on lady gaga
goodbye
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i said
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he said
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he 発言しました
what
so i 発言しました
yo
and he said
what do あなた want from me
and i said
a
ba
na
an
a
A バナナ
please write a quote because i worked so hard
and i 愛 this
and
i wish it could be a great seller
so
WRITE SOMETHING TODAY!
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
:)
BANANA!
I
LOVE
バナナ
WE
LOVE
バナナ
but the バナナ died so i can't eat it so i chucked it away
so goodbye banana
how ランダム was that so rate it out of ten
PLEASE
i also write stuff on lady gaga
goodbye
when that エンジェル sits on my shoulder
whispers into my ハート, 心
a peace , a harmony
a bliss feeling of out of control
the エンジェル appears to あなた in form of desire
あなた float along with the force of ...
woooooooooooooooo
あなた jump about
cos あなた cant sit down
the power of jolly drunk without the drink
the power to make others happy
this エンジェル with her good intensions
will make あなた fly
the エンジェル will make あなた cry
the エンジェル will make あなた feel how others feel
so あなた can empathise
and be ver wise in emotionial terms
theres an internal war
between the エンジェル and the death
they fight feroususly
but they dont even relise
they have both already ロスト
whispers into my ハート, 心
a peace , a harmony
a bliss feeling of out of control
the エンジェル appears to あなた in form of desire
あなた float along with the force of ...
woooooooooooooooo
あなた jump about
cos あなた cant sit down
the power of jolly drunk without the drink
the power to make others happy
this エンジェル with her good intensions
will make あなた fly
the エンジェル will make あなた cry
the エンジェル will make あなた feel how others feel
so あなた can empathise
and be ver wise in emotionial terms
theres an internal war
between the エンジェル and the death
they fight feroususly
but they dont even relise
they have both already ロスト