Well, I'll risk offending あなた and I'll try to give my honest opinion about what I dislike in your story. It seemed quite good in the beginning- I liked both the storyline and the characterization. It was when NARUTO -ナルト- entered that things got ugly. Because let me get this straight; he and the narrator introduced themselves, made out (erections included) and started a relationship, all during a two 分 conversation? With their teacher and entire classroom full of teenagers watching? Even for fanfiction, it’s too fast and unrealistic. The process of meeting, kissing, going out and falling for someone would normally last for weeks. あなた could’ve made several ファン fiction chapters with just this plotline, and あなた wasted it in one scene. *sighs* But hell, it usually doesn't even count whether ファン fictions have good plots- I'm merelly saying what could have been written better according to my personal opinion.
