"I swear, I didn't know this would happen!" Would あなた read this?

This is part of this thing I'm writing. How is it?

"Oh god, Ambyr, what did あなた do?!" Jez screamed.
"I swear, I didn't know this would happen!" Ambyr yelled back.
Jezebel pulled out her phone and dialed 911. Ambyr and Elody stood in horror, watching the house in flames.
I stood there, too, watching my house in flames. Horrified. I wished I could パンチ Ambyr in the face. But of course I couldn't.
"How could you?" Elle screamed, her voice going up a few octaves.
"It was a stink bomb! This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"Well it did!"
Jez ran back over, putting her phone back in her pocket. "Oh god, they're not gonna be here in time!" She was right; the house hadn't just caught fire. It practically exploded. Glass was still shattering. Every once in a while, あなた could hear the faint sound of something else blowing up.
"Is there anyone in there?" Ambyr asked.
Elody's head snapped up after a moment in realization. "Jenna's in there!"
"Om my fucking god," Jez whispered.
"I have to go help her," Elody whispered over the sound of the blaze. They could just start to hear the sound of sirens.
"What?" Ambyr said. "No! Elle! They'll take care of it! And when did あなた start caring about Jenna? We don't even know her!"
Elody turned and started running toward the house. Ambyr grabbed her arm.
She slapped it away, hard. Ambyr flinched in pain and recoiled her arm. "Get the fuck away from me!" Elody yelled. "My sister is in there!"
Ambyr stood in shock. She turned to Jez, who didn't seem surprised, just ashamed. Ambyr was confused. Elle didn't have a sister!
Elody glanced back at the house. "I have to take care of this." She ran back in, leaving the other two girls watching in horror, worried sick.
I hoped Elody would save Jenna. I hoped my half-sister would save my sister from sharing my fate.
 Me_Iz_Here posted 1年以上前
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書く 回答

2dolphn97 said:
Personally like it's not the kind of book I would read but ik plenty that would and considering it was very good and it had a huge twist 2 make evry1 go *gasp*
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posted 1年以上前 
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thx
Me_Iz_Here posted 1年以上前
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I hope I
2dolphn97 posted 1年以上前
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Welcome
2dolphn97 posted 1年以上前
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Helped lol srry
2dolphn97 posted 1年以上前
MaybeBlue said:
I liked it a lot, but the character's names changed from the full name to a nickname too often, so it's a little confusing. Other than that, I would totally read this.
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posted 1年以上前 
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IK, i copied and pasted it from the middle of the story, so right now it's confusing. It introduces the nicknames at the beginning of the story.
Me_Iz_Here posted 1年以上前
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oh and thanks
Me_Iz_Here posted 1年以上前
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no problem ^^
MaybeBlue posted 1年以上前
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