What do あなた think of this introduction? Do あなた want more?

At a very young age, Leon Trinity's family was violently murdered. On the 日 of this anonymous murder, Leon heard glass shatter outside of his door, people yelling words he couldn't make out, voices he never heard before...followed によって his mother's pleading...
"Please, leave us alone! We did no such thing!" his mother's voice sounded so mournful.
"SMACK!" Leon's eyes widened at the loud sound and untiming sound. His mother got hit in the head with the pommel of katana as hard as steel; she should've died right then and there but just tons of blood streaked down her head and down her body. Blood droplets hit the hard floor.
"Shut up! Did I ask あなた to speak?! If I remember correctly, I did not. Now, I'm going to ask again, where is your 'son'?" he roarded accusingly.
Leon winced as he leaned in the slide dorr to hear what all the comotion was about.
"You know あなた aren't allowed to have a son that あなた treat as a slave, and that あなた ストール, 盗んだ him from the emperor himself! So if give us the child and we'll be on our way!" the unknown voice 発言しました in a pleased and hushed tone. Leon's "father" had enough of this foolishiness.
"If I tell the samurai where Leon is then maybe they'll leave us alone," he thought contently. He smirked, catching his wife's and 13 年 old son's attention. "You want to know where the boy is? The one who shouldn't be here?" he asked slyly. The samurai laughed loudly and smirked at the father's sudden obedience. He didn't even know that they were the ones who ストール, 盗んだ Leon! He was just doing this to scare people for his own amusement! Even though the son of the emperor was missing, the emperor really didn't care...Leon's so called father just let out their biggest secret!
"Am I a stranger? These people aren't my family and that I shouldn't be here...? Is this the answer why I did EVERYTHING for them...?" Leon thought solemnly. Is this why I was never able to leave the house and they never look me in the eyes?" With that thought in mind, Leon c
 What do あなた think of this introduction? Do あなた want more?
 Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
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書く 回答

rapunzeleah123 said:
Pretty good, but there are a lot of things that あなた could describe または word differently.
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posted 1年以上前 
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Ah thanks, but lik what?
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
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she's right あなた are a good writer
animegothgirl13 posted 1年以上前
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she's right あなた are a good writer
animegothgirl13 posted 1年以上前
spongesrule said:
I WOULD DEFFINENTLY READ THAT BOOK! The ending was a little confusing but otherweise ITS AWESOME!
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posted 1年以上前 
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I know it cutted off :( but thanks!~
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
dinavidscuitee said:
intriguing but could use work
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posted 1年以上前 
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like wat....
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
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well, like wat do u mean..
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
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I thought U meant It was messed up または something lol...
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
peaceanddisney said:
awesome
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posted 1年以上前 
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aww, thanks!~
Luna-Lacrimosa posted 1年以上前
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