Would あなた read a book with a plot like this? Any suggestions?

The story revolves around a fictional world inhabited によって strange creatures called the "Langlies" ("Langius" for plural). They're made of a jello-like substance that couldn't sustain on it's own , so when they're born, they're but into white, humanoid-like suits. Each suit has a colored marking, each marking meaning a different thing. The marking represents that particular Langlies' future, and they have to find someone with an identical mark to complete their minds and souls, otherwise they will fade.

But for Little Lomnie, the protagonist of the story, it will be extremely difficult. He's been 与えられた the Tear mark, an extremely mark that only appears a handful of times each one thousand years and suggests evil thoughts and uncontrollable powers, impulses and insane thoughts that could destroy the Langlies' home. Most people stay away from Lomnie because of the mark, but he's determined to prove them wrong and find his Match Mark. (Soul mate, basically.)

So is this something あなた would read? Is there anything that I could improve on to make my story もっと見る interesting?

Oh, and this is a picture of Lomnie. All Langlies look similar to this.