Platinum is a company that really does prefer quality over quantity. At least when they aren’t making Ninja カメ games, but they always make the most amazing games out there. From the stylistic Madworld to the fast-paced Metal Gear Rising to their マグナム opus, Bayonetta. They really try their best when making games. And let’s face it, they’re really the only good third party games produced によって Sega. So, today, on the May Xbox Gold, I was able to get two games. Streets of Rage Vintage Collection and, of course, a glorious Platinum game, によって the タイトル of Vanquish, and of all the games that Platinum has made, Vanquish is one that I think is their most underrated. Maybe もっと見る so than Madworld. But let’s see if that is true.
~Story~
The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is 宇宙 marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, あなた play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the 宇宙 marines, lead によって Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced によって the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like あなた did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.
~Gameplay~
For a shooter in a 日 and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and もっと見る of a 3D bullet-hell game. あなた know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at あなた and あなた have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where あなた cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly または die. And あなた will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement または bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. あなた have to know what the enemies can do and what あなた can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, あなた have an amazing sense of movement in this game.
If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still 愛 it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. あなた will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, あなた can expect to stay moving… as long as あなた don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things または something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position あなた are in, no matter what direction あなた are going in, あなた can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can 移動する much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. あなた can also do something that is way クーラー than anything else. If あなた dodge and immediately aim, または jump from cover and immediately aim, あなた will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows あなた to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. あなた can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps あなた from dying. In Vanquish, あなた really gotta decide what あなた wanna use your energy on. Do あなた wanna get to the back of enemies, do あなた wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, または do あなた just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes あなた rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.
Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty ミサイル gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault ライフル also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help あなた a ton in the game (Except the ミサイル gun). While あなた may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where あなた may end up using all weapons. あなた may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, または use the sniper ライフル to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the ミサイル gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, または use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, もっと見る powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once あなた kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but によって the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better によって a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if あなた play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and あなた should buy this instead.
~Legacy~
Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the 年 awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.
~Verdict~
Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep あなた around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a 書く team, the gameplay will keep あなた invested. I can’t tell あなた how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed によって pressing New Game. If あなた want one of the most fast paced action experiences of 最近 years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See あなた all 次 time.
~Story~
The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is 宇宙 marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, あなた play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the 宇宙 marines, lead によって Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced によって the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like あなた did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.
~Gameplay~
For a shooter in a 日 and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and もっと見る of a 3D bullet-hell game. あなた know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at あなた and あなた have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where あなた cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly または die. And あなた will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement または bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. あなた have to know what the enemies can do and what あなた can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, あなた have an amazing sense of movement in this game.
If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still 愛 it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. あなた will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, あなた can expect to stay moving… as long as あなた don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things または something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position あなた are in, no matter what direction あなた are going in, あなた can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can 移動する much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. あなた can also do something that is way クーラー than anything else. If あなた dodge and immediately aim, または jump from cover and immediately aim, あなた will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows あなた to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. あなた can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps あなた from dying. In Vanquish, あなた really gotta decide what あなた wanna use your energy on. Do あなた wanna get to the back of enemies, do あなた wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, または do あなた just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes あなた rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.
Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty ミサイル gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault ライフル also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help あなた a ton in the game (Except the ミサイル gun). While あなた may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where あなた may end up using all weapons. あなた may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, または use the sniper ライフル to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the ミサイル gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, または use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, もっと見る powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once あなた kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but によって the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better によって a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if あなた play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and あなた should buy this instead.
~Legacy~
Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the 年 awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.
~Verdict~
Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep あなた around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a 書く team, the gameplay will keep あなた invested. I can’t tell あなた how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed によって pressing New Game. If あなた want one of the most fast paced action experiences of 最近 years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See あなた all 次 time.
Now, what is one of the most laughably bad fanfics I have ever read in my entire life. Well, I think that that fanfic would be the クリーピーパスタ known as Mad for McDonalds.
Now, this story starts with a man who goes to a local McDonalds and starts eating. However, he just keeps eating, to the point where he becomes addicted to it. So addicted to where he goes there all the time, just eating Big Macs and stuff like that. Soon, his family keeps him from going back, so he gets angry and, for some reason, dresses up as Ronald McDonald and sneaks off to eat もっと見る at McDonalds only to become a great big fat fuck.
And that's about it. Like I said, this creepypasta, while not even being all that creepy, but is just so bad, that it is so hilarious. But, hey, that's only my opinion. Whats Your Take
Now, this story starts with a man who goes to a local McDonalds and starts eating. However, he just keeps eating, to the point where he becomes addicted to it. So addicted to where he goes there all the time, just eating Big Macs and stuff like that. Soon, his family keeps him from going back, so he gets angry and, for some reason, dresses up as Ronald McDonald and sneaks off to eat もっと見る at McDonalds only to become a great big fat fuck.
And that's about it. Like I said, this creepypasta, while not even being all that creepy, but is just so bad, that it is so hilarious. But, hey, that's only my opinion. Whats Your Take