This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually 発言しました in court, word for word, taken down and published によって court reporters. Just goes to 表示する how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are あなた sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were あなた in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: あなた forget? Can あなた give us an example of something あなた forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband 発言しました to あなた that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do あなた know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: あなた do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the 次 morning?
WITNESS: Did あなた actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were あなた present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are あなた shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the 日付 of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were あなた doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are あなた for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: によって death.
ATTORNEY: And によって whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do あなた suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can あなた describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male または a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have あなた performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would あなた like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did あなた go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do あなた recall the time that あなた examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the 表, テーブル wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are あなた qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are あなた qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before あなた performed the autopsy, did あなた check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did あなた check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did あなた check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when あなた began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can あなた be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my 机, デスク in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually 発言しました in court, word for word, taken down and published によって court reporters. Just goes to 表示する how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are あなた sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were あなた in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: あなた forget? Can あなた give us an example of something あなた forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband 発言しました to あなた that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do あなた know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: あなた do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the 次 morning?
WITNESS: Did あなた actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were あなた present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are あなた shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the 日付 of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were あなた doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are あなた for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: によって death.
ATTORNEY: And によって whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do あなた suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can あなた describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male または a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have あなた performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would あなた like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did あなた go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do あなた recall the time that あなた examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the 表, テーブル wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are あなた qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are あなた qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before あなた performed the autopsy, did あなた check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did あなた check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did あなた check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when あなた began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can あなた be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my 机, デスク in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
