1. If they want to loan あなた money, tell them あなた just filed for bankruptcy and あなた could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are あなた today?" say, "Why do あなた want to know?" Alternately, あなた can tell them, "I'm so glad あなた asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is 芝居 up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Ask them how to spell "Milpitas." Continue asking them personal 質問 または 質問 about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you're male: Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter & Siegel services... You: Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really husky voice] What are あなた wearing? Telemarketer: [Click.]
5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have あなた BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know あなた from.
6. Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if あなた can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get あなた to sign up with their Family and フレンズ plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as あなた can muster, "I don't have any friends...would あなた be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can あなた get out blood? Can あなた get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" または "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask あなた to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them あなた couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell them あなた work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from WaterTronics." You: "WaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are あなた calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh...Milpitas, California." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business? The weather?!?" Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees." You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"
11. Answer the phone. As soon as あなた realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, Shout または scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give あなた their phone number, you'll call them back. Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number". あなた say, "I guess あなた don't want anyone bothering あなた at work, right?" Telemarketer will agree. あなた say "Now あなた know how I feel!" Hang-up.
13. Breath heavily and tell them あなた were in the middle of having sex with your wife/husband. Tell them that the deal sounds good, but あなた are not waiting for another 月 to finish the sex.
14. Sound happy to see hear from them, and ask them if they have (a) insurance (b) a burial plot, または (c) a stock broker and that あなた are one.
15. Say "speak up" and continue to do so.
16. Keep one of those personal siren alarms near the phone.
17. Ask them if they are aware that あなた are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.
2. If they start out with, "How are あなた today?" say, "Why do あなた want to know?" Alternately, あなた can tell them, "I'm so glad あなた asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is 芝居 up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Ask them how to spell "Milpitas." Continue asking them personal 質問 または 質問 about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you're male: Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter & Siegel services... You: Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really husky voice] What are あなた wearing? Telemarketer: [Click.]
5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have あなた BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know あなた from.
6. Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if あなた can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get あなた to sign up with their Family and フレンズ plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as あなた can muster, "I don't have any friends...would あなた be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can あなた get out blood? Can あなた get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" または "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask あなた to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them あなた couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell them あなた work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from WaterTronics." You: "WaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are あなた calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh...Milpitas, California." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business? The weather?!?" Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees." You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"
11. Answer the phone. As soon as あなた realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, Shout または scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give あなた their phone number, you'll call them back. Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number". あなた say, "I guess あなた don't want anyone bothering あなた at work, right?" Telemarketer will agree. あなた say "Now あなた know how I feel!" Hang-up.
13. Breath heavily and tell them あなた were in the middle of having sex with your wife/husband. Tell them that the deal sounds good, but あなた are not waiting for another 月 to finish the sex.
14. Sound happy to see hear from them, and ask them if they have (a) insurance (b) a burial plot, または (c) a stock broker and that あなた are one.
15. Say "speak up" and continue to do so.
16. Keep one of those personal siren alarms near the phone.
17. Ask them if they are aware that あなた are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.
