I realized I loved Ashley a while ago. We were onstage and my microphone cut out. I was forced to use Ashley’s until mine was fixed. For just a moment our lips brushed together and I realized I loved him.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe 次 年 I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do あなた need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask あなた something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I 愛 you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell あなた for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If あなた had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of ベッド and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I ロスト weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My ハート, 心 was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a ベッド with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I 発言しました no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any 食 so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss あなた Ash. I hope あなた don’t miss me too much because I want あなた to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, あなた didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch あなた and keep あなた 安全, 安全です if I can. I would have told あなた but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever あなた need to, あなた can be with whoever あなた want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll キッス あなた before I go. I 愛 you.
***
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe 次 年 I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted to hear his voice. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. As I held the phone to my ear I heard a faint ring.
‘Hello?’ I heard Ashley’s voice.
‘Hi,’ I said, ‘this is Andy.’
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he replied, ‘What do あなた need?’
‘I was just, uh, going to ask あなた something,’ I stumbled over my words, ‘sorry.’
Now I had to tell him, but I had no idea what to say. I tried to plan out what I would say, but he spoke too fast and I couldn’t think straight.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
The words poured out of me.
‘Ashley I 愛 you, I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to tell あなた for a long time, but I was scared.’
‘I, I would,’ he said. ‘It’s just that I’m with someone. If あなた had told me sooner we could have…’
I hung up so I wouldn’t start crying on the phone. I sobbed into my pillow. Why didn’t I know he was with someone? I got out of ベッド and walked to the bathroom. Maybe if I ロスト weight, maybe then…
ooo
I lie in my bed. My ハート, 心 was torn. I didn’t know he loved me. I wish he hadn’t told me. I wished I didn’t have to deal with this. But I had to choose. I loved Andy first, but I was in a ベッド with someone already. I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. I wouldn’t choose just yet. I 発言しました no to Andy and I can change my mind any time.
ooo
I heard what Ashley was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t help worrying. I couldn’t stand life without him. It was hard enough to keep going even with him. He didn’t know about the scars on my wrists, I never showed anyone. He held me and I felt warm and safe. I drifted off in his arms.
I awoke in the morning still clutched in Ashley’s arms. I hugged him and kissed him gently before getting out of bed. I got dressed and went to eat breakfast. I opened the fridge. I realized there was hardly any 食 so I made coffee and went outside for some fresh air. The air was cool and there was a breeze. I ran my fingers over my wrists. I wished I had someone there for me. Even Ash wasn’t enough. I loved him; I just needed another person, something more. Why am I here? I asked myself. I’m just a waste of space. I made up my mind to kill myself soon. That’s where I belong, six feet underground with no one there with me. All alone.
Ash might miss me. I went inside and found a piece of paper. I began to write.
I’m sorry I had to go this way. I’ll miss あなた Ash. I hope あなた don’t miss me too much because I want あなた to stay strong without me. It’s not your fault, I promise, あなた didn’t see the signs so I must have hid it well. I don’t care what happens when I’m gone, just be happy. It’ll get better soon, just wait. Don’t forget me please. I will watch あなた and keep あなた 安全, 安全です if I can. I would have told あなた but I was afraid. I know it’s silly. You’ll make it without me, just cry whenever あなた need to, あなた can be with whoever あなた want now. I had a good last few days with you. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll キッス あなた before I go. I 愛 you.
We were having an English class today and decided to write a poem. Please, don't mind our spelling mistakes. :)
Eva fell from the cloudy sky
Adam was frightened when she fell on him
Vancouver is a big city
Eva doesn't know what Vancouver is
Strings are broken
Damn, my ギター doesn't work anymore
Rain forest isn't spelt with W
Omg, Oprah is calling me
Pepper on my eyes
I'll kill myself for that
Now, do あなた remember Adam and Eve
Grass is growing well
FCE Complete
Eva fell from the cloudy sky
Adam was frightened when she fell on him
Vancouver is a big city
Eva doesn't know what Vancouver is
Strings are broken
Damn, my ギター doesn't work anymore
Rain forest isn't spelt with W
Omg, Oprah is calling me
Pepper on my eyes
I'll kill myself for that
Now, do あなた remember Adam and Eve
Grass is growing well
FCE Complete