I found this hilarious 記事 on pcworld.com
Don't know who the 作者 is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's バッジ Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but ロスト them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for あなた to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My マウス stop working every time i lift it up from the 表, テーブル why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that あなた need the Air マウス 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do あなた know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of 落花生, ピーナッツ butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the 前 question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether あなた swallowed any seeds. If あなた did, be very careful not to eat any dirt または drink any water for the 次 two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good によって the end of the year."
You can start によって eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until あなた figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green フルーツ thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a クロス between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope あなた never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so あなた can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, あなた might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if あなた decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" または "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask 質問 online? i mean, または there any QA フォーラム like on yahoo または anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask 質問 on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if あなた find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do あなた ask a 質問 on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose 質問 there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do あなた spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten によって a カメ when i was a young lad, can i still drink オレンジ juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Don't know who the 作者 is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's バッジ Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but ロスト them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for あなた to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My マウス stop working every time i lift it up from the 表, テーブル why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that あなた need the Air マウス 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do あなた know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of 落花生, ピーナッツ butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the 前 question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether あなた swallowed any seeds. If あなた did, be very careful not to eat any dirt または drink any water for the 次 two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good によって the end of the year."
You can start によって eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until あなた figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green フルーツ thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a クロス between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope あなた never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so あなた can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, あなた might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if あなた decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" または "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask 質問 online? i mean, または there any QA フォーラム like on yahoo または anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask 質問 on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if あなた find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do あなた ask a 質問 on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose 質問 there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do あなた spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten によって a カメ when i was a young lad, can i still drink オレンジ juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
1. You're beautiful.- girls think when あなた say 'hot' your looking at our body, not our personality.
2. あなた look perfect.- gurls like it when men think we're perfect.
3. I wish I could see u everyday.-it makes us gurls think we're loved and あなた never get tired of being with us.
4. I 愛 あなた and only you.-Well, あなた guys get the picture.
5. I will be with あなた forever.
6. あなた have no flaws.
7. You'll always be in my picture, even if ur not there.
8. あなた shine brighter than the sun.
9. There is no reason for あなた to be ashamed of your body, you're very pretty.
2. あなた look perfect.- gurls like it when men think we're perfect.
3. I wish I could see u everyday.-it makes us gurls think we're loved and あなた never get tired of being with us.
4. I 愛 あなた and only you.-Well, あなた guys get the picture.
5. I will be with あなた forever.
6. あなた have no flaws.
7. You'll always be in my picture, even if ur not there.
8. あなた shine brighter than the sun.
9. There is no reason for あなた to be ashamed of your body, you're very pretty.
7 Things to do when あなた want to get kicked out of the DMV. によって Misery.
Pretend to be looking at a magazine, and start poking the guy 次 to you.
Tap your foot to the tune of 'Gramma Got Ran Over によって a Reindeer.'
Burst out into song. Sing 'Umbrella' until one of the people 次 to あなた look at あなた funny. Get up,take their hands, and start spinning the person around the waiting room.
Start saying your number softly for 6 times, then louder for 5 times, and then yell it out 9 times into the person on your right's ear.
Start speaking your own tounge. Make up a language and find an old lady. Sit down 次 to her, and start speaking your made up languge using frightening gestures.
Start quoting your お気に入り 表示する the security guard.
Take out your iPod, and start belting out the first song that plays. Jump onto the table, and do a big 表示する number. When the last word plays, do jazz hands and RUN out of the DMV.
Pretend to be looking at a magazine, and start poking the guy 次 to you.
Tap your foot to the tune of 'Gramma Got Ran Over によって a Reindeer.'
Burst out into song. Sing 'Umbrella' until one of the people 次 to あなた look at あなた funny. Get up,take their hands, and start spinning the person around the waiting room.
Start saying your number softly for 6 times, then louder for 5 times, and then yell it out 9 times into the person on your right's ear.
Start speaking your own tounge. Make up a language and find an old lady. Sit down 次 to her, and start speaking your made up languge using frightening gestures.
Start quoting your お気に入り 表示する the security guard.
Take out your iPod, and start belting out the first song that plays. Jump onto the table, and do a big 表示する number. When the last word plays, do jazz hands and RUN out of the DMV.
