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posted by x-menobsessed26
Application For Permission To 日付 My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied によって a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical レポート from your physician.


Name:
日付 of Birth:
Height:
Weight:
IQ:
GPA:
Social Security Number:
Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:
Telephone:
ホーム Address:
City:
State:
Zip:



Do あなた have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:



Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers または sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____


Do あなた own または have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____


Do あなた have an earring, nose ring, または belly button ring? ____


Do あなた have a tattoo? ____

If あなた have answered YES to #3, #4 または #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.


In fifty words または less, what does Late mean to you?





In fifty words または less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?





In fifty words または less, what does Abstinence mean to you?





In fifty words または less, what does Real Pain mean to you?





Church/Temple あなた attend: ____________________________

How often do あなた attend: ____________________________


When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________



Please fill in the blanks:


If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________


If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________


A woman's place is in the ____________________________


The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________


When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" または "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised





What do あなた want to be if あなた grow up?





I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture または mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________



Thank あなた for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. あなた will be contacted in 書く if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
added by Sen_Kagemiya
added by deidaraisgod
added by 050801090907
added by HarleyQuinn1
added by dustfinger
added by myau
added by IZlover48
Source: epicfail.com
added by liridonarama96
Source: yep...woow
added by TokioSmosh
Source: My mom
added by Jeffersonian
added by Helen-Lover
posted by Bluekait
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The 次 day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 年 old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If あなた can catch me, あなた can have me."

Without a 秒 thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the 次 four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs...
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i wanna tell あなた something and あなた better listen good here.If there's something あなた really enjoy and あなた have a huge dream that your really passionate about then go after it.Don't be afraid to follow your ハート, 心 because your ハート, 心 will lead あなた to the right direction.Don't let anyone discourage あなた and idc who the heck they are.You are always going to meet 2 people in your life.One person will discourage あなた and tell あなた that あなた are never gonna make it and the other person will encourage あなた to follow あなた dreams and will believe in you.They will want あなた to follow your dreams.So listen to that...
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posted by E-Scope90
I'm not trying to be abusive in any way, I just found this. I didn't write this.


Approximately 1-2% of humans, または about two in 100 people in the world, have red hair.j
The ancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into ヴァンパイア after they died.i
Otherwise dark hair may turn red または blond in cases of severe protein deficiency due to starvation.c
Red is the rarest hair color in humans
The most rare hair color in humans is red.b
During the Middle Ages, a child with red hair was thought to be conceived during “unclean sex” または during menstruation.b
Red hair doesn’t gray as much as other hair...
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This アヒル, 鴨 walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do あなた have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the アヒル, 鴨 leaves.

The 次 day, the アヒル, 鴨 returns and asks, "Do あなた have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the アヒル, 鴨 leaves.

The 日 after that, the アヒル, 鴨 walks in the store again and asks "Do あなた have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told あなた no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if あなた come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...
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1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read 質問 aloud, ディベート your 回答 with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that あなた can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this 質問 on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into...
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Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make 愛 with あなた
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until あなた find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit あなた first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of あなた shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give あなた a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask...
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