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posted by smileypop9
Found this on www.funny.com. I find a lot of things there that I post...


A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The 日 came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing あなた know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now あなた sir?', he asked the 秒 man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and あなた don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' 発言しました the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very 人気 cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, あなた step out of the house and on the ウォール there's a light switch. When あなた flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the 納屋 comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the 前 three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' 発言しました the interviewer, stunned によって the response.
'Oh sure', 発言しました BUBBA. 'You see, the other 日 I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, または TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
added by zanesaaomgfan
Source: Windows 7 Vista
added by PoddoChan
Source: The Internet....AGAIN :)
added by PoddoChan
Source: DeviantART.com and The Internet
added by bvgf
Source: My own 写真
added by Little_Cullen
added by Rodz
Source: google.com
added by ay3
Source: my Google skillz
To My Loving Husband Patrick.

People say we are not meant to be
People say you're not good for me
People say I'm too good for you
People say you're ugly
People say you're fat
I say screw あなた to those people
I say you're the most perfect man I've ever known
I say you're my hopes and dreams
I say I 愛 you
あなた say do あなた mean it?
I say yes I do
I 愛 あなた
もっと見る than anything in the world
あなた 愛 me for who I am
Not for my looks または body
Just me
If あなた never saved me from Devin
Who knows where I'd be now
He abused me; he raped me
あなた found me and took me in
あなた cared for me and treated me like...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This 一覧 was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My お気に入り are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round 表, テーブル was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much あなた push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by Schnusch
What Is Fear Of Itching

The fear of itching is known as Acarophobia. This fear can also include a phobia about any insects that might cause itching in human beings.


Why Do People Fear Itching?

If あなた have a phobia about itching, あなた may harbor some memories of past infections または other problems that caused あなた to feel terribly itchy and uncomfortable.

Prior experiences with itching can include things like headlice, scabies, and other such infestations. These conditions can be stubborn, embarrassing, and quite stressful. They are also extremely contagious.


Cleanliness May Become An Obsession

Hygiene...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up によって St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send あなた to Heaven または Hell. After all, あなた enormously helped society によって putting a computer in almost every ホーム in America, yet あなた also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let あなた decide where あなた want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let あなた visit both places briefly,...
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posted by Thecharliejay
1. If using a touch-tone, press ランダム numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival ピザ place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their 質問 with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition...
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Note: These have been all tried によって me.
1) Go around saying "I'mma ninja" to ランダム people and pose like a ninja

2) Throw ポップコーン at ランダム people and run away if caught

3) Go to the mall, clothes section, and ask the worker where the baby clothes is. Go to the bathroom. Come out and ask the same worker the same question.

4) Go up to person and say "Why were あなた following me? Huh?". Then leave, hopefully, あなた run. If they follow. turn around and say: "See? WHY do あなた follow me?" Run off for good.

5) Knock on a persons door and ask "Do あなた have gum? I need some for my little cousin..." Before they...
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1. Run up a down escalator naked
2. Walk into the middle of 2 gangs about to fight and sing michael jacksons beat it
3. Fart really loudly in a crowded elevator
4. Walk into a biker bar and sing Mocho Man または YMCA
5. パンチ someone in the face for no reason
6. Drive through detroit with rucka rucka ali's 'Detroit' Blaring through a speaker on 上, ページのトップへ of my car
7. Do the tour de france on a motorbike and パンチ all the cyclers
8. rugby tackle someone of a tall building
9. BIG STRANGER RODEO!!!!!!!
10. Steal a doctors stepha-thingy and pretend to examine him
11. Walk into a church dressed as ジーザス または Chuck Norris and shout "i am the lord god"
posted by KitkatKaysa
Scorpio.
Your element: Water
Your ruling planets: Pluto
Symbol: The サソリ, スコーピオン
Your stone: Topaz
Life Pursuit: To survive against all opposition
Vibration: Resilient
Scorpio's Secret Desire: To triumph

Description:
Reputed to be the "most powerful" sign of the zodiac, Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the "oldest souls". Old and wise beyond the average, Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty...
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1. Walk up to a ランダム person, grab both their shoulders, look into their eyes and say, "I feel bad for you, son."
2. Walk up to a ランダム person, then point to another person and whisper loud enough for the person あなた are pointing at to hear, "That guy seriously has issues for him to work out."
3. Walk up to a ランダム person the same gender as あなた and say, "Yes! I like your movements!" または "You're as tight as fuck!" Especially if it's an adult with little children.
4. In a place where there are a lot of people, point to a ランダム man's dick and yell out, "There's a raccoon! Natures ninjas! Oh shiiittt!"
5. Just walk up to a person don't even know and say, "You again!? Meh, it's your life."
posted by Mallory101
 11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen:

1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him あなた saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of thse days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house 歌う Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the 上, ページのトップへ of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it によって Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. 表示する him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like...
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1. Everytime あなた read Twilight, a kitten is born :D

2. If あなた are obbsessed with mythical creatures, read Twilight!

3. If your life is all sad and gloomy, read Twilight!

4. If your completely bored, why not read Twilight!

5. ITS JUST AWESOME!!!!!! well to me and all the other Twilighters out there :D

PLEASE NO BAD COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by cute20k
meebo
(meebo) :meebo: *meebo*
positive
(smile) :) :-) =) =-)
:D :-D x-D X-D (grin)
(angel) O:)
fun
(lol) x-D X-D :))
:P :-P
(wink) ;) ;-)
;P ;-P
:'D
:-> :>
(cool) B) B-) 8) 8-)
:-* :*
:pirate: (arr) (arrr) (pirate) P)
<:-p <:o) <:-P (party)
confused
:S :-S :s :-s :? :-?
(hmm)
: :-
oops
:x :X :-X :-x
negative
(mad) >>:( >:( >>:-( >:-(
(sad) :( :-(
(roll) (rolleyes)
:T :-T
:< :-<
(evil) (devil) >:) >>:) >>:-) >:-)
(angry) >:o
neutral
(neutral) :| :-| Meebo Emoticons
Guide によって cute20k 投稿されました 2 分 前


meebo
(meebo)...
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1. well folks this will be an experiment for all of us

2. Oops! hey, has anyone ever suvived 500 ml of this stuff
before?

3. nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

4. ya'know...there's big money in kidneys...and this guy got two
of'em

5. wait a minute, if this is his spleen,then what's that?

6.damm! there go the lights again...

7.what's this doing here?

8. that's cool! now can あなた make his leg twitch?!

9.boo! boo! come back with that! bad dog!

10. sterile schemerle. the floor's clean, right?

11. what do u mean he wasn't in 4 a sex change?

12. ok, now take a picture from this angle. this...
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