トワイライト・シリーズ Article: Edward is a girl?! :O

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posted by Spotty_Vision21

I have come to a logical conclusion from some data I reviewed. Edward is not in fact Edward, but a female Edwina.

1.    Meyer claims “his” ability to knock up Bella is because they are like the incubi. Incubi were pretty much sex demons who knocked up innocent women. Why could they do so? They could change into succubi, the female version of the incubi and would sleep with men to steal their sperm.

2.    “He” wears lipstick. ヴァンパイア are dead. They do not have blood flow. And yet “his” lips are darker than Bella’s.

3.    “He” has moodswings similar to those from pregnant women and PMSing women.

4.    “He” glitters. ‘Nuff 発言しました on that one.

5.    “He” refuses to sleep with Bella. Is “he” perhaps hiding “his” girl parts?

6.    “He” demands marriage. No guy EVER does that.

7.    “He” makes out with Bella all the time but never gets “excited” in his pants.

8.    “He” is a little *too* romantic.

9.    “He” was totally stripping for those Italian guys.

10.    “He” was never attracted to Rosalie even though most guys got excited just thinking about her.

11.    In addition to “his” mood swings, “he” frequently overreacts... and speaks like “he” reads too many classic novels about old white ladies in corsets.

12.    “He” is a vegetarian.

13.    “He” relates to girls rather too well.

So, in conclusion, either Edward is Edwina, または a raging, flaming, extremely gay man.

gelele, teamjane99 and 26 others like this

21 more comments

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leuron The fact that I identify with girls in many things doesn't mean I am a girl...

DarkSarcasm *is amused* XD

leuron At least I amuse you ;)

DarkSarcasm Always, M. Always. =P

edennirvana LMAO! 5 stars Spotty! ...and Jody, you certainly amuse me, LOL!

shortynme Wow, there are a lot of angry feelings going on in here. lol Can I just say that this article is obviously for laughs, nothing else. Unlike traditional Vampires, Stephenie Meyer has created her own version so any pre determined rules for them really can't apply (succubi and incubi included). Lets all just get a long and be friends :)

Nyssa LoL twilight825, I hope you're joking. If not, just chill girl! ;D Btw, for my part, I was joking - I'm finding this pretty funny actually.

Spotty_Vision21 Yeah, some people aren't being very nice. Lawl, they said [i]I[/i] had the crush on Edward. And yet they blow up when I made an article making fun of him

twilight825 yeah im joking my fingers were hurting but i got alot of ppl to add as a fan or waatever.... spotty Nyssa and more.... lol... spotty i give u props it is kinda funny lol my friend shortynme is right lets jus get along... one thing for sure i think Taylor Laurtner is hot and so is rob.and Kellan and Jackson... anyone agree roflol!

bellamay okey what i don't get is why u made Edward(a HOTTIE)as a girl! well i guess the lips are something aren't they? well just please don't talk about him. it's not right! would u like it if someone called you a boy.(pissed off!)

Spotty_Vision21 Actually I don't care when I am referred to as a boy. It makes me smile 'cause I know I'm not one of those preppy, make-up, short-skirt girls.

spikes_girl ^^ Same here Spotty! Great article, made me laugh so much (and I'm an Edward fan)!

675 lol, not alot of people appriciated this.

wildcatz Sorry spotty but edward is hot and obviously not a girl .It's still funny though.Next time you should make one of jacob being a girl.LOL jk.

rachel-rathbone OMG OK I LOVE TWILIGHT BUT THAT IS FUNNY MAYBE WE JUST TO EXEPT HE IS STILL THE PERFECT MAN FOR EVERYONE

Spotty_Vision21 Not for everyone dear. In your opinion he is a git to womankind. In my opinion he is a bipolar abusive stalker. We're all entitled to our opinions and I respect yours. :)

dangjessica Hahaha, now that you say it: soo true. Maybe Bella isn't that hott to get him "excited" in his pants.

Dragonclaws Cute. I was thinking of writing a humor piece putting it the other way, that Edward is a boy and Jacob is a girl. Edward is aggressive all the time, while Jacob is aggressive sporadically, linking to his wolf side, and werewolves traditionally being associated with the moon... Yeah, something like that.

-HuddyLove- Ha. I think it's hilarious how Edward fans get so worked up over this.

BellaCullenHale 1.That's Stupid as hell. 2.The blood dyes his lips that color. 3.He doesn't have moodswings. 4.His skin glitters,its hot not gay when your a vampire. 5.He's too strong for that,she's human he loves her and doesn't want to hurt her. 6.He loves her and has been waiting for like 90 years to find the girl he loves&&he found her so of course he'd want to marry her. 7.No guy ever does that unless they were gonna do somthin else after. 8.He was born in 1901,of course he's romantic think of when he was raised. 9.He wasen't stripping he was revealing himself to the humans,and btw their called The Volturi. 10.bc rosalie is stuck up. 11.Thats juss stupid. 12.He's vegitarian bc of Carsisle. 13.No he doesnt. I think it's pathetic that someone would take the time to write this bs. I wonder is your really think he's gay or you just saw taylor lautner??? I respect TeamJacob ppl but thats juss stupid. Di you even read the books before you wrote this??? ''Those italian guys'' I mean really? Read before you dish out bs.

DarkSarcasm LOL, children. LOL. XD

hannatl hehe dat is funny!

lyn0815 wow people get upset over nothing lol. I found it funny way to go spotty. i loved it. 5 *****

filand don't know why people getting their knickers in a twist. this was obv jus done for light hearted fun. i'm a massive twilight fan but thought it was hilarious. but then again i do have a sense of humour and know that twilight isn't real so get a grip people. it's not as if spotty dissed your grandma is it? hee hee

ninoska12 jerk. that is sooo not true. you must be talking about your self.overgrown dickface.

6

Cold Roses--Chp. 19: Death によって Decision

posted by Summer_Leanne

Hi guys! I'm back and I'm so happy I've finished this chapter :] I'm excited (as usual) that あなた all loved the last update. This story is beginning to ラップ up, but I've decided to take a shot at 書く a book (it's a 愛 story/drama thingy. Not meant to be a rip-off of Twilight, but it does have vamps & 狼男 in it, as well as other species). So, hopefully sometime によって the end of this year, you'll be able to buy it and read it :D Thankies SO much for all the support! あなた guys are nothing short of the ABSOLUTE BEST! ;) Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Death by...

4

ロスト愛

posted by groovychicklisa

Chapter 14

B|POV

(E)Bella what’s wrong(E) he asked worried. I was Devastated (B) “Im leaving” I knew he wasn’t going to let me get away. He held her quickly in my arms...(E)No you’re not leaving me. Not again(E) he said- pain seeping into his voice. I sobbed against his chest trying to break free. (E)I 愛あなた Bella i promise you- i 愛あなたもっと見る than anything in the world (E) he was now sobbing and I knew he meant it, but why was he contacting Tanya? (B) Why were あなた texting that 雌犬 (B) I cried. I thought he would hesitate but he didn’t he told me straight out. (E) I couldn’t...

4

One Chance

posted by virginiagal

Long 前 there was a distant light it was crimson like a freshly budded rose. There was a little girl her name was Levely.She had long wavy brown hair,green eyes,and pale skin. Well as she was walking, the crimson light grew bigger. She then reconized it was a falling star. Then she closed her eyes and made a wish. "I wish i had a bestfriend." She said. WHOOSH the 星, つ星 has fallen right 次 to her. As the smoke cleared away she relized that it was not a 星, つ星 but a boy. He was young about the same age as her. He had silver hair and ゴールド eyes. "Are あなた ok!" I screeched. "Yeah i think so, i'm...

5

In the normal World

posted by KatiiCullen94

Ok, IN THIS EDWARD DOESNT EXISTIST!, BUT HE WILL ! あなた JUST NEED TO WAIT!

I never planned to say goodbye to my mother, forlike ever. I always thought i'd live with her forever.
But now that im standing in her embrace at the Arizona airport , that statement could mean nothing もっと見る then me actaully gettting tp my fathers.
My father charlie lives in Forks, where he still lives in the very house that his marriage between him and my mother failed, and where i was born.
I'd had to turn to my father after living with my mother had become difficult.

Charlie picked me up in his police cruisier, i never thought...

2

A YouTube Script(episode seven)I'd kill myself,Alice

posted by moolah

*episode seven*
*I’d kill myself, Alice*
Alice’s P.O.V:
*thinking*
I was shaking now.
Jasper was squeezing my hands-tightly
Nothing made me feel better though.
Something lurched inside of me.
I was scared.
What if…what…if…I…died?
*done thinking*
Carlisle: *going across her stomach with the paddy thing* *gasps*
Alice: *gulps* Carlisle?
Carlisle: *whispering* Alice, I will be right back, honey.
Alice: *nods* Ok?
Carlisle: *leaves*
Alice: *looks over at Jasper* what’s wrong with me? *crying*
Jasper: Ali, everything’s gonna be alright.
Alice: No! It’s not!
Jasper: Alice. I swear if anything happens...

1

The Jacob and Edward Fight

posted by summerlynn1978

Since the Twilight movie came out, There has been a fued between Jacob and Edward. "Jacob's better! "Edward's better! Is all I hear all 日によって furious teenagers. Well, take a look at this, a fight between me and my BFF.
"JACOB'S BETTER THAN A PASTY, PALE VAMPIRE!!" "eDWARD DOESN'T HOWL!" It was just terrible. It ended very ugly with her ripping Jacob posters off my ウォール and me ripping her Edward shirt. After she left, I realized that they're just two people, just like everyone else. We should respect other people's likes and dislikes and we can have friends. I've seen so many friendships get ripped apart because of this. So here's a valuable lesson, "Respect Others Likes and Dislikes And Everyone Wll Be Friends" So the 次 time あなた see two people fighting over Twilight, tell them this important lesson, and friendships will stop getting teared apart.

2

the follow up to a beautiful death part 19

posted by xroylex

Nessies pov

We prepared for the fight later that night thinking that this was going to be easy they sounded weak prefetic compared to us lot they had nothing on us.
“alec あなた and renesmee will take carlise and esme if あなた finish with them alice will be asiest for あなた to handle” he must of saw our faces as he quickly added “ and that will get over quicker and 移動する on the Emmett and jasper if no one els gets to them in time” he thought for a 分 “acturally wait alec あなた will take them your self nessie I have a different job for you” he smiled got cruler and eviler as the mintues...

3

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [TWENTY-FOUR]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[TWENTY-FOUR]
(THIS IS JEREK's CHAPTER!!! LIKE, THE WHOLE CHAPTER IS IN HIS POINT OF VIEW!! ENJOY!!)
    Was I suppossed to be nervous like this? If so, I wasn't. If not, good, because I wasn't, as I just said.
    "Let's go, time for the reunion to go outside of this creepy place." I said, and we started for the secret としょうかん, ライブラリ book case door.
    "Where do あなた think you're going?" The girl I saw turning the corner earlier asked me. Shit.
    "Uhh..."...

4

A famous reminder chapter chapter 3

posted by KatiiCullen94

Bella in her dress

have a lot of time on my hands. so i hope to do a chapter once a 日 :P
this is too Moolah , for あなた kind words!

Bella's POV.

"Bella, look at me, あなた know all the words, あなた have got it perfected, all be fine, they just kids" Phil said.
After Phil baseball career went down the drown he soon took the offer to be my manger and to a good surprise he was a good one.
Just kids, they were Seniors. I was one not so long ago. And i diddnt really enjoy it.
My ハート, 心 beating rapidly.
I still dont why im still doing this, i still hadnt caught edward's attention.
Damm i dont even dance with the songs,...

2

another emmett cullen 愛 story chapter 2

posted by karpach_13

Emmett Chapter 2

As あなた walk to your car, あなた kept getting the feeling somene was watching you. あなた go to shut your door when Emmett came on the passenger side and 発言しました "I thought あなた were going to give me a ride?!" laughing. あなた laugh a little bit. "I didnt know あなた meant today. Go ahead and get in." Emmett then gets in the your car and あなた pull out of the school parking lot. As you're driving up to your house Emmett asks "Where are we going?" あなた say "I'm just going to tell my mom that I'll be out until tonight with a guy I met at school." Emmett went from smiling to straight faced and said...

2

emmett cullen 愛 story chapter 16

posted by karpach_13

You, Esme, Rose, and Alice got the furniture and all. Once Emmett gave あなた the address あなた guys put the furniture in and got it situated. The guys got your stuff from the other house. あなた got the fridge packed with 食 and blood for あなた and your family. あなた got the house decorated and then あなた and Emmett picked Sabrina up from school. When あなた guys picked her up あなた guys headed for the new house. When あなた parked she asked.
Sab: Mommy? Daddy? What are we doing here?
You: Uh we live here now dear. We decided to get a house of our own so that あなた Daddy and I could be a family.
She nodded and got...

1

emmett cullen 愛 story chapter 14

posted by karpach_13

So, あなた guys celebrated によって going hunting. あなた got ホーム and went to your room あなた were looking at a 写真 album and just 空想 when あなた heard something. Someone's thoughts: I wonder if she would just go once with me? あなた looked up and saw James.
You: Not in your dreams. What are あなた doin here James?
James: Oh come on sexy.
You: No now leave before I tear あなた head off and throw あなた into a fire.
He stepped closer and あなた got into a crouch and hissed.
You: This is your last warning.
He came closer and あなた leaped towards him. あなた bit off some of his skin and then there was a knock.
???: Babe are...

1

emmett cullen 愛 story chapter 13

posted by karpach_13

Sabrina ended up sleeping in あなた guys room. Emmett sat her on the ベッド and あなた and him went hunting. あなた guys was out for like 8 hours. あなた guys got back and it was 7 in the morning. あなた woke Sabrina up and Emmett went to enroll her into school. あなた waited for him to get back. Alice, Rose, and Esme went shopping. Edward, Carlisle, and Jasper went on a hunting trip. So, that left あなた and Emmett the house. あなた heard him pull up. あなた turned off the T.V. and he came in.
You: So how did it go?
Em: Good. Where is everyone?
You: Edward, Jasper,and Dad went hunting. Alice, Rose and Mom went shopping.
He...

1

things to do when you're sad

posted by karpach_13

Here are some ideas to help kick a rotten 日 to kingdom come…

Do something good for someone else, even though あなた may not want to. Do a favour, help them find something, give them an item which will help them in some way. Start the flow of positive energy.

Eat the best チョコレートあなた can get your hands on. In bed. または in the bath.

Turn up 音楽あなた really love. Play it so loudly that it soaks in through your skin. Dance in your pyjamas. Feel the pain lift.

Have a romance in your head.

Volunteer.

Buy a remote control for your camera & dip your toes into the pool of narcissism.

Call a friend...

2

Renn and Jakes Life Renn's Birthday Flashback part 3 of 3

posted by WritenOnTheSand

I opened the window, and slid my self through quietly. My room was dark, and the only thing I could see was my clock. It 発言しました 5:34 a.m. I had managed to make it back before 6:00, when my family was getting back.

I walked over to my bedside table, and turned on my lamp. I jumped back when I saw Aunt Rose sitting on my bed.

"What are あなた doing here?" I stepped back and set my bag on the 表, テーブル beside me.

"I knew that something was up, so I came back. And when あなた weren't home, I waited for you." She remained on my ベッド with her hands in her lap.

I looked down, and rubbed my hand on my head.

"I had...

1

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [FIFTEEN]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[FIFTEEN]
"So, let me get this straight." I said, looking at Shropee. "One of us will become a spy, the other will be a super sneak, the other one will be blue print locater?"
"Yes, no figure out who is what, and あなた need to leave によって midnight tonight while everyone is asleep. I'll be up, and hand あなた the appropriate tools あなた will need on this quest, and then あなた will come back with all of your recollections, and I will take them from you, analyze, and solve the puzzle."...

2

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [THIRTEEN]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[THIRTEEN]
    We got back, and everyone was playing the Xbox and some were even eating または just talking. A few were playing board games, some were sleeping, some were just hanging out, while we, we were being afraid. Afraid of what's to come, afraid of what we'll face. We went to Jerek's room, and we all began talking about this new race of our lives.
    "Should we tell anyone?" Tabra asked.
    "We'll need there help." I added.
    "Yea....

3

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [TWELVE]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[TWELVE]
"So, what did あなた figure out?" Jerek asked, and I stood back against the ウォール with Tabra.
"I figured out that the initials mean あなた guys, so あなた are in danger. I don't know who from though, they must have hired someone to cover there prints and tracks. This came from no where. And I mean that it was specifically made for this specific message. The knife, how it curves at the 上, ページのトップへ to the right and goes flat as if あなた cut off the tip, means Death at Dawn. Which,...

2

Hello, My Name Is: Death ~Vol. 5~ [EIGHT]

posted by BuffyFaithFan1

Hello, My Name Is: Death
Volume Five
BuffyFaithfan1
_______________________________
[EIGHT]
    "And what makes あなた say that?" Tabra asked.
    "Well, I found this, outside this morning as I was getting my mail." Jerek went over to his desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out a knife.
    That's weird, I never saw Jerek leave to get the mail - CYD! So, not the point right now! Oh, yea.
    Jerek came over to us with a ナイフ in his hands, and three words were engraved onto it in a firey ゴールド color: あなた WILL PAY!
    "Well,...

2

Renn and Jakes Life Renn's Birthday Flashback part 2 of 3

posted by WritenOnTheSand

I was just fuming. The last thing I needed was them doing this. It hurt so deeply that they didn't trust me. I was responsible. But they didn't see that.

"Rennesmee." My dad's voice came from the stairwell.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed. Couldn't they get the hint? I needed them to go away for a while. To just give me a break for like one second.

"We'll go shortly if that's what あなた want." I didn't regret yelling at him. Which isn't the best quality, but I didn't give a damn at that moment.

~Later~

I woke up from the endless time of isolation, that I had so craved earlier. It was dark again...