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ランダム 質問

Do あなた like this?

its a poem i made about school (its just a joke thats not how i feel about school):

school is not cool
it's just cruel,
teachers want あなた to do maths
because its one of their wrath,
they'll make あなた in detention
and when あなた ask they just won't mention,
they'll give あなた tests
so あなた do your best,
(but really they just do it to torture us)

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lol i liked it do u write little poems like these a lot?
ryofangirl posted １年以上前
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ya i do and thank あなた
StarGirl1721 posted １年以上前
 StarGirl1721 posted １年以上前
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Bananaaddict said:
I think it's funny! But here are some suggestions:
1. あなた should capitalize the first letter in each line, unless you're trying to mimic e. e. cummings.
2. I don't know if 'wrath' can be used in that context または as a plural noun.
3. あなた can't 'make' someone in detention. How about put?
4. The last line doesn't rhym, with doesn't really matter since it could be free verse, but the rest of the poem does rhym, so it's sort of messing with a pattern あなた already laid out for yourself.
Of course, あなた don't have to do any of that. They're just suggestions.
 select as best answer
posted １年以上前 
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thanks i will try to do it 次 time
StarGirl1721 posted １年以上前
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hahah i 発言しました detentions cause i have heard of some teachers they just make u in detention and when あなた ask they won't answer and change the subject so thats why i 投稿されました that
StarGirl1721 posted １年以上前
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No detention is fine, it's just that someone "make" あなた in detention makes no sense. It would be better if it was "put" あなた in detention.
Bananaaddict posted １年以上前
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