Just hanging out with myself...(Kanade Tachibana from Angel Beats)
...back then i felt terrible...the feeling of being alone into this world was painful...going through everyday of my life with the same routine as always: waking up,going to school,eating alone at lunch time,going ホーム alone...it was always the same...i do not have what あなた call 'friends' it was always me and my family,that's why i'd rather stay at ホーム than at school...why do i have to go there anyway? i mean,if God's only going to make me feel even もっと見る miserable によって making me see all my classmates make friends,happy and all that,then i shouldn't have gone and just studied at ホーム with a mentor.
Every year,my mom always tells me to make friends,show myself,speak up...but she doesnt even know...that she's the reason why i cant do any of those...whenever i observe,listen and swim in my thoughts at school,i always get the special treatment,because my mother was a well known teacher...i know that because every time one of my classmates actually breaks that rule,the others would scold and say "you're busted,you're busted! her mom's a teacher,you'll get in trouble",i always hated that,i mean that's just wrong...i am always in my mothers shadow...because of that,i am always dependent on her,i am nothing without her...i dont know who i actually am
...but...its not all her fault...its probably cause of me...i am weak,too scared to face rejection that i,myself,push them away and stash my feelings away...and then,i'd go through the same cycle again...being alone...i kept all my pain,inside of me,bottling it up...i dont want to cry,because it only shows how weak i am...that was the same process,but because some of those feelings were spilling,it also affected my grades,they kept dropping,year によって year,making my mother worried,that she even asked an old friend of her for their son または daughter to befriend me...i heard it...i will not accept it,i do not wish to gain a 'friend' out of pity,i loath it
sometimes i would think to myself "why not just end it?" i am abnormal,after all...different from everybody else,i hate myself for being that...different,i am the only person in my class having 'Alinah' as my name,i am the only one who always sits out of activities,i am the only one who 'prefers' being alone...but as usual,i feared death as well as life...how pathetic...but i guess,staying in the hospital for my sickness -Asthma- wasn't too bad,sure its only temporary,but at least i was able to escape Hell for a bit...That was how i live my everyday life,i always thought "maybe 次 time,God will decide to make me normal...maybe he'll give me 'friends'" but in truth,i was only running away from reality,making myself believe that illusion...because i never did anything to deserve it...i locked my feelings,i secluded myself from the world and i never did 表示する my True self...but...who is my True self,anyway? i thought i would never know
[Little Busters OST:Two Sugars] link
...but that was until that faithful year-2013 came...the time that i predicted to be the same lonely 年 as always,came to be a surprise to me...It was at that time when our teacher set us into groups that i found my saviors...i would say that they are probably the same like everyone,but i cant find a reason to...they really were different...they...they didnt spoil me,they didnt judged me によって my mother and they never gave up on befriending me...whenever im with them,i always feel this unusual feeling...like the world has suddenly became lighter,and there was me and them floating in mid air,without a care in the world...i...i loved that feeling,in fact,i think that was the only thing that i actually liked in my whole life! they made me feel so...happy...they gave me hope that i could still change my life for the better,to keep on living...to become what i yearned for the most
[Little Busters OST: Approaching Light] link
...when i finally opened up to them,the first time i ever showed happiness,i saw them...i saw them flash me a bright smile,saying that they were glad for me...they were surprised at first...but they told me that they were really filled with joy when i finally showed myself...my True self,i almost cried that day,not because of sadness but because of this great feeling,and since then...i changed,my grades grew,even better than my 'highest' score over the years,i wasn't that afraid to 表示する my feelings...they understood me and i was very thankful for that...i was finally able to smile freely...yes,i still have fragments of my past that i hated...but sometimes i think that maybe i could keep that,because after all,it has been with me for the longest time...and maybe someday all of us will get separated to go on our own ways,but this time...i dont care...they gave me the push i needed,i dont want to weigh them down...when that time comes,i want to tell them that whatever happens,if they start to hate me または not...i will always be Thankful to them...they were the ones that shaped me the way i am now...the reason why i started to 愛 school and my life...
The People who showed me The Magic of Friendship
They saved me from my loneliness...(Little Busters)
Hello, viewers. This is my first article, do please cut me some slack. Anyway, I'll get right to the point. I need help with a decision. For the past months, I've slowly been transforming into a regular brony. For anyone who doesn't know, a brony is a male viewer of the 表示する My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Anyway, recently I have wanted to tell someone. My parents already know, and I have told my other friend, but he wasn't interested. I have been debating on telling my other friends, but they are pretty judgmental. I'm just afraid to have someone go and tell the entire school, thus ruining my chances with any kind of relationship with any girl I like (as far as I know). Any advice?
Zack(his cutie mark is lighting)
