クリスマス is 次 月 and I can't believe that this is the last holiday that AJ and I will celebrate as a family of two because my son Prince Michael will be born in February. Things seemed to be going well between me and my siblings for a while and then my brothers got back into the habit of asking me for money. I of course told them that I couldn't または wouldn't give them any もっと見る money and they are giving me the silent treatment. Once again, with Janet busy with her 音楽 career the only one I can turn to is Latoya. She's been spending a lot of time at the ranch with AJ and I and we've been having a lot of fun together.

We were putting up クリスマス decorations in the living room and Latoya 発言しました "you know Michael; I feel really bad because no one really acknowledges how amazing あなた are as a single father!" I started to blush and 発言しました "you're just saying that! I'm not as amazing as あなた think I am; I have my faults!" She 発言しました "all I know is that I couldn't handle being a single parent and being as famous as あなた are! I mean sure I'm famous too; but nowhere near as famous as あなた are! The fact that あなた can be on stage for three hours and then go back to a hotel to immediately switch your brain into daddy mode is awesome!" I 発言しました "yeah; but I'll be the first to admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to AJ! I'm hoping that I can learn to be stricter once I have もっと見る kids!" She 発言しました "that reminds me; before the baby is born あなた should take AJ on a vacation somewhere; just so the two of あなた can spend some time together before you’re too busy with the rest of the tour also." I responded "I was thinking about that yesterday! Maybe in January I will take her to ディズニー World because she loves going there. I don't think she really gets the whole concept of having a brother. I don't think she understands that she's not going to be able to be the center of attention anymore because I'll have to スプリット, 分割 my time between the two of them I'm just going to spend as much quality time with AJ before Prince is born."

***

I am still struggling with AJ's behavior and it seems to be getting worse. I've noticed that it's もっと見る rage filled than it used to be. I was doing the dishes in the キッチン while AJ finished her dinner. She 発言しました "daddy, I'm done eating." I walked over to the 表, テーブル and 発言しました "I want あなた to just eat one もっと見る bite and then あなた can get down." Without saying a word, she pushed the plate of パスタ onto the floor and looked up at me for a reaction. I 発言しました "that's not okay; you're going to timeout now." She completely overreacted to me putting her in the corner of the room. She took off her light up Spiderman sneakers and attempted to throw them at my head. She always cries almost to the point where she's going to start hyperventilating.

I decided to do something that I normally wouldn't do; I sat down 次 to her on the floor and asked "why are あなた so angry?" She 発言しました "I don't understand why I'm in trouble daddy." I 発言しました "because あなた tossed your plate on the floor." I looked down at her and realized that she must've been so angry that she blacked out and didn't remember anything that had happened in the past few minutes. I let her go off into her play room to watch TV and I still sat there on the キッチン floor thinking. There has to be something else going on with AJ! A normal temper tantrum isn't supposed to be like that. I have to figure out what's going on before this gets out of control!

***

I had a behavioral specialist come over to the ranch today to evaluate Alanna and I'm currently standing outside her bedroom door pacing back and forth. The specialist opened the door and he 発言しました "you can come in now Michael." I sat down on the ソファー, ソファ that's in AJ's room and the specialist 発言しました "I've discovered that I think she has oppositional defiance disorder. That means that she doesn't really think about things before she does them and that she will probably never respect authority figures in her life. When she gets angry she tends to forget why she's mad in the first place." I 発言しました "that doesn't sound like a bad issue to deal with. I'll be able to handle it!" He responded "the prognosis for her future based on statistics is that she will probably end up getting in trouble with the law a lot. It really would surprise me if あなた end up being able to control her behavior. I know that you'll definitely have to be a strict father when it comes to how あなた raise her because if you're not she's not going to listen to あなた at all. There's one もっと見る thing that あなた should know, I've also discovered that AJ has all the characteristics of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) I 発言しました "I actually thought she might have ADHD myself; so I'm not surprised to hear あなた say that. She always needs to be entertained because if she isn't she gets into trouble." The specialist 発言しました "if あなた would like to, I could prescribe Ritalin to help deal with her hyperactivity." My eyes widened in shock because I was surprised that he would even bring that up as an option.

I picked AJ up and sat her down on my lap as I 発言しました "there's no way I'm going to put her on Ritalin just because she's a little もっと見る hyper than other kids! I totally disagree with ADHD medication in every way! I've seen kids on that stuff before and all they do is walk around like unhappy zombies all day! I'm not going to do that to my daughter! She's perfectly fine just the way she is; even with a behavioral disorder and ADHD!" The specialist responded "do あなた realize how difficult that's going to be Michael? Dealing with the behavioral issues is going to be hard enough for あなた as it is!" I 発言しました arrogantly "I don't care! I can handle her; just like I have been since she's been alive! I'm going to prove to あなた that AJ is going to be able to beat the national statistics for this behavioral disorder あなた diagnosed her with! With my help, she will be a well behaved person who will grow up to be a successful adult in today's society! Thank あなた very much for your help; my bodyguard will walk あなた out to your car! Don't bother coming back here because I'm very offended によって the fact that あなた think that just because I'm Michael Jackson I won't be able to handle my daughter's unruly behavior!"

The specialist just looked at me emotionless and walked with Jeffrey out to his car. I looked at AJ and 発言しました "I can't believe that guy! Don't worry AJ; I won't let あなた become just another statistic! You're not going to end up in jail as long as I'm around to stop that from happening! You're fine just the way あなた are and so what if you're a little hyper! I wouldn't change あなた for anything in this world because you're exactly who you’re supposed to be! I'm especially not going to drug あなた with that type medication because then you'll just be going through the motions every single day!" She just looked up at me and I asked "you don't understand what I'm talking about at all; do you?" She just shook her head and 発言しました "nope." I chuckled and 発言しました "that's what I thought! That's okay; daddy just needed to vent I think."

***

I've been spending most of my time lately preparing for クリスマス in a few days and celebrating holidays like this is still very new to me because I grew up a devout Jehovah's Witness. Once Debbie found out she was pregnant with AJ I decided that I would give up practicing that religion because I wanted all of my children to be able to experience the typical childhood. That was a sacrifice I was もっと見る than willing to make so my children can grow up as normal as possible. I hate the fact that they are あなた going to unfortunately miss out on what most middle-class children experience. I'm trying my best to compensate for what the children will eventually have to face.

I was counting down the 分 until AJ's naptime because I have tons of クリスマス presents to ラップ and I don't want her to see any of them. I went into the living room and 発言しました "alright AJ; time to go upstairs and watch a movie または something until あなた fall asleep." She casually 発言しました "but I don't want to." I smiled and 発言しました "I know; but あなた have to." I picked her up and I could tell that she was desperately trying to stay awake to prove that she wasn't tired. I walked upstairs and put her underneath the blankets on her bed. She started her usual array of excuses; "daddy I need a drink! I'm not tired! I want to sleep downstairs!" I 発言しました "just take a nap and before あなた know it you'll be awake again."

I'm constantly forgetting that AJ was diagnosed with ADHD and maybe asking her to take a two 時 nap is unrealistic. I 発言しました "okay; あなた can stay awake because maybe あなた aren't tired after all. あなた are to stay in here; do あなた understand?" She 発言しました "yes; I'll stay in here daddy." I was far less than convinced that she would actually listen to me; but I locked my bedroom door just as a precaution; that way she would at least have to knock. As I looked at the mountain of toys and things I had purchased for her for Christmas, I realized that I had completely gone overboard this year. The crazy part is that she's probably going to get hundreds もっと見る presents from other family members and my famous friends. Elizabeth (Taylor) especially likes to spoil her because she is just thrilled with the fact that I decided to become a father in the first place.

I just can't wait to see Alanna's face on クリスマス morning when she sees all these presents under the クリスマス 木, ツリー and around the living room. After I was finished wrapping the gifts, I went into AJ's bedroom and she was sitting on the floor playing with Legos. She looked up at me and ran up to me as if she hadn't seen me in years. I picked her up and she 発言しました "I 愛 あなた so much daddy!" I 発言しました "I 愛 あなた more!" It's times like this that make me almost want to cry because everybody in my family besides my mother and Latoya complain about how AJ behaves! If only they could see what I see in my daughter! All she needs is 愛 because in the end she's just a kid!

***

クリスマス is two days away and it's so cute because AJ is beyond excited. We were downstairs decorating the クッキー that had just come out of the オーブン a few 分 前 and I laughed as もっと見る frosting ended up in AJ's mouth than on any of the cookies. I 発言しました "okay, okay, okay, that's enough AJ! あなた don't want to make yourself sick!" I stood there in the キッチン trying to wash her face off because it was covered in frosting; but I think it stained her face red temporarily.

We went into the living room and AJ started her お気に入り pastime of climbing all over me like a monkey. A tickle fight ensued and I heard footsteps behind us. I turned around to see mother standing there and figured that Jeffrey must've left her inside. AJ 発言しました "hi grandma" as she shrieked with laughter. Mother smiled from ear to ear and 発言しました "you're too cute!" She looked at the 木, ツリー set up in the living room and 発言しました "I see that you're still going to celebrate クリスマス Michael." I 発言しました "it's not because I'm trying to hurt あなた mother. It's just because I want Alanna to have the childhood I didn't! I'm still going to bring my children up on the same core principles; just in a different way!" I looked at AJ and 発言しました "tell grandma what I told あなた about Christmas." She 発言しました "daddy told me that it's もっと見る important to give to a gift to a person than to get one yourself." I 発言しました "don't forget about the other thing that I told you." She thought about it for a 秒 and 発言しました "Jesus first, others second, and yourself last; no matter what." I 発言しました "see mother; celebrating クリスマス isn't going to change who AJ is and I have to admit that I 愛 seeing how happy she is on クリスマス morning!" She 発言しました "that's not going to change how I feel about it; but I respect your decision Michael!" I hugged mother before Jeffrey helped her out to her car and I kissed AJ's forehead.

***

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock 次 to me to see that it was 4 AM on December 25. I knew I had to wake up early so I could start setting up things downstairs before AJ wakes up. Jeffrey started moving gifts downstairs at around midnight last night and I decided it was time to bring the gifts that I had purchased for her downstairs. I walked into the walk-in closet that's in my bedroom and grabbed as many presents as I could carry. I struggled to make it down the stairs because I couldn't see where I was going. Luckily, Jeffrey was walking past the staircase and 発言しました "here Michael; let me help あなた with that!" He grabbed the gifts out of my arms and I walked back up the steps to retrieve the rest of them.

After I had gotten the rest of the presents from my bedroom, I went downstairs to the living room and that was the first time I noticed just how many gifts there were. I definitely went overboard this 年 compared to the last few Christmases because there are at least 500 presents covering the entire living room. The クリスマス 木, ツリー looked like it completely disappeared and Jeffrey 発言しました "I was down here most of the night moving presents over to the クリスマス tree. I just woke up from a four 時 nap a few 分 ago." I 発言しました "well; thank あなた for all your help Jeffrey! Enjoy the holiday with your family and I'll see あなた in a few days." Jeffrey 発言しました "thank あなた sir; I hope your family ディナー with the rest of the Jackson's goes well tonight."

When Jeffrey left, I made my way to the キッチン and remembered that AJ had set out クッキー and ミルク for "Santa Claus." I wasn't hungry at all because of how early in the morning it was; but I forced myself to eat two of the three クッキー on the plate and drink half of the glass of milk. クッキー were definitely not my idea of a balanced breakfast; but of course I would do anything to keep the magic of Santa Claus alive for AJ.

I walked upstairs around 5 AM and had completely forgotten to give AJ the Spiderman pajamas I bought for her. I was supposed to give them to her last night so she would be wearing them when she woke up this morning. I grabbed the pajamas out of my bedroom and had to figure out if I could manage to dress her in them without waking her up. As I walked into her bedroom, she was sprawled out almost to the point where she was falling out of bed. Every time she would move, I got worried that she would wake up; but I was able to get her dressed without a problem.

I waited downstairs listening to クリスマス 音楽 anticipating AJ waking up. A few hours later, I heard noises coming from upstairs and went to check on AJ. I walked into her room and laughed as her hair was sticking up in all different directions. She didn't notice me at first; but then I 発言しました "Merry Christmas" and she ran into my arms. She asked "did Santa Claus come?" I 発言しました "I don't know; あなた have to go see! Didn't あなた have 'Toy story’ pajamas on last night?" She looked down at her pajamas and 発言しました "whoa; Spiderman!" I smiled and 発言しました "let's go downstairs!"

She ran downstairs and I pulled my camera out of my pocket just fast enough to get a picture of her reaction to all the クリスマス presents. I chuckled as she stood there speechless staring at the Spiderman bike that was in the center of all the wrapped presents. I put her on the bike and her legs were too short to reach the pedals. I 発言しました "that's all right; I'll just fix them later." She got off the bike and immediately wanted to start ripping into the gifts; but I 発言しました "let's go see if Santa ate the クッキー あなた left for him last night first!"

AJ ran into the キッチン and looked at the plate with the half eaten cookie on it. I 発言しました "there's a letter from Santa! Let me read it." I grabbed a letter and read aloud "thank あなた for the クッキー and milk. I hope you're listening to your daddy. I have lots of house to go to; so this letter can't be very long. I hope あなた like your bike and I'm looking フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして to bringing presents for あなた and your brother Prince 次 year. Sincerely, Santa Claus and the reindeer." AJ jumped with excitement and I 発言しました "okay; let's go open some gifts!"

We sat down on the ソファー, ソファ and I grabbed a stack of presents from the gigantic pile that covered our entire living room. I passed her one of them and she ripped it open. Spiderman after Spiderman gifts piled up like a mountain 次 to her! Everything from Spiderman T-shirts to Spiderman bedding covered her side of the couch. I must've purchased every single Spiderman action figure from the new line of toys that just came out a few months ago! Some of things I bought I had totally forgotten about and it surprised me that I went so far as to buy Spiderman socks and toothpaste.

When all of the presents I had gotten for AJ had been opened, I 発言しました "okay; we have to wait a while until we can open the rest of the gifts because those are from フレンズ and family. We have to wait until they get here later for dinner. AJ 発言しました "okay; will あなた open this stuff for me daddy; please?" I 発言しました "of course I can! Did あなた like everything that I bought you?" She 発言しました "yeah; especially because あなた didn't buy me girl clothes and stuff this year!" I chuckled and 発言しました "yeah; I'm just happy that you'll play with the stuff that I bought あなた this year! I bought あなた a whole bunch of princess toys last 年 and あなた never even wanted me to take them out of the box!"

I spent over an 時 struggling to get some of the large action figures out of the packaging. I don't understand why they make the packaging "daddy proof!" It's so difficult to get anything out of the box because they use tape, wires, and everything else あなた could think of to make it almost impossible for anyone to get out. Let me tell あなた that me trying to get these toys out of their boxes for my daughter who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was quite an event! Every 30 秒 I would hear "hurry up daddy! You're a slow poke!" I laughed and 発言しました "hang on Alanna! I'm trying, I'm trying!"

A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door and I went to go answer it. It was a huge group of people; which included Janet, rebbie, Randy, Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, Latoya, my manager Frank, and Elizabeth Taylor, I 発言しました "Merry クリスマス everyone; thank あなた for coming!" I went into the living room and AJ was clearly irritated with me for taking her away from the toys that I finally was able to get open so she could greet all the guests that had just arrived. Once she saw that Elizabeth was there, she practically jumped out of my arms and into hers. Elizabeth hugged AJ tightly in her arms and 発言しました "Merry クリスマス sweetheart!" I 愛 seeing AJ with Elizabeth because she was the one who convinced me to pursue becoming a father in the first place.

Elizabeth hugged me and looked around the living room as she 発言しました "well; this is definitely quite the improvement from the first クリスマス あなた celebrated with me here back in 1993 Michael! I remember あなた locked yourself in your bedroom and cried for hours because あなた felt terrible for celebrating Christmas!" I 発言しました "it makes it easier now that I'm a daddy!" AJ 発言しました "Aunt Liz; daddy got me a lot of Spiderman stuff!" Elizabeth responded "he did? I like your pajamas!" AJ 発言しました "thank you" and reached out for me to grab her from Elizabeth's arms.

As all of us sat there eating dinner, Janet asked "how come AJ has a boy haircut Michael?" I responded "that's what she wanted her hair to look like." She asked "why are there so many Spiderman things all over the living room?" I 発言しました "oh; that's all of AJ's クリスマス presents that I bought her this year." She asked "where's all the ピンク and Princess stuff Michael?" I 発言しました "AJ hates girly things!" Janet 発言しました "you shouldn't buy her boy things Michael!" I cleared my throat and asked "why?" She 発言しました "because girls are supposed to like feminine things like お花 and バービー dolls!" I 発言しました "I used to get her girls toys; but she would never play with them! I'm not going to force her to play with stereotypical female toys because she doesn't like them! Who cares if she's a tomboy? She's my child and I 愛 her just the way she is!"

After everyone had left, I looked around for AJ and checked in the living room. She had fallen asleep on the floor with a Spiderman action figure in her hand. I picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. I covered her up at the blankets and her eyes slightly opened. She 発言しました "thank あなた for my presents daddy!" I smiled and 発言しました "you're welcome AJ!" She lightly pecked my lips and I 発言しました "I 愛 あなた AJ; Merry Christmas!" I shut off the light and went downstairs to conquer a huge mess of gift ラップ and bowties that now covered my living room floor.

***

I rubbed sunscreen onto AJ's shoulders and 発言しました "okay; we can go swimming now!" She didn't seem as excited as she normally would be about going in the swimming pool. I was surprised that she didn't immediately get into the pool and she looked distracted. She had been 芝居 like that all morning and I couldn't get a straight answer out of her. I jumped out of the pool and sat 次 to her on the ground as I asked "what's wrong AJ? Don't あなた want to go in the pool? She paused for a 秒 and hesitated pausing once again. She had a worried expression on her face which only made me wonder もっと見る what could possibly be going on. She looked at me and I asked "what's wrong AJ?" She whispered "I want to go swimming; but can I go potty first?"

It took me a 分 to process what she had just asked me because I have been waiting to hear those words for such a long time now! I picked her up and 発言しました "you don't have to ask me that AJ!" I ran for the nearest bathroom and she started crying. I was completely caught off guard によって that because all the other times I had brought her in here she never cried! I asked "why are あなた crying?" She bolted out of the bathroom and I ran after her. She continuously cried all the way upstairs to her bedroom and I followed behind her. I sat down on the edge of the ベッド as she cried into her pillow. I was so confused and didn't know what caused her to cry. I picked her up and sat her on my lap as I asked "please tell me what's wrong?" She didn't say a thing; so I decided to guess. I asked "are あなた scared?" She shook her head no and continued to cry.

I could tell that she really did have to go desperately at this point; but the conversation was going nowhere. I 発言しました "you know あなた can tell me anything AJ!" She sobbed and 発言しました "I want to stay your baby forever daddy!" She must've overheard me talking to mother a couple of weeks 前 about how hard it is on me to let AJ grow up! I 発言しました "AJ; you'll always be my baby! あなた going pee in the potty isn't going to change that!" I stood up with her in my arms and 発言しました "come on; I want あなた to go try."

She started hyperventilating and I felt awful because it feels like I caused this. Once we got into the bathroom, she protested "I'm not going to go!" I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and 発言しました "it's okay AJ!" I realized that she wasn't going down without a fight and my ハート, 心 hurt for her as she just cried to the point of almost making herself sick. I had to think of something to distract her because if I didn't I would've started crying too!

I thought about it for a 秒 and started making funny faces at her. I stuck my tongue out, クロス my eyes, and anything else I could think of. She started to laugh and I smiled; but the 秒 I stopped making faces at her she started crying again. As I was running out of faces to make, she 発言しました "oh no" and started crying again. That's when I realized that my idea of creating a distraction had worked. I 発言しました "yay AJ; don't cry!" She 発言しました "daddy; I didn't want to go!" I picked her up and 発言しました "it's no big deal AJ! あなた don't have to cry about it anymore because it's done with! She continued to cry; no matter how much I praised her.

I walked into the キッチン and we went outside to the swimming pool and AJ was STILL uncontrollably crying into my shoulder. I 発言しました "it's okay AJ; all あなた did was pee in the potty!" I put her down on the ground and ran over to the cotton キャンディー vendor a few feet away. I came back and knelt down 次 to her as she sobbed into the grass. I 発言しました "AJ; look what I have!" She looked up and her eyes widened at the site of the huge blue cotton キャンディー stick in front of her. It was killing me inside just knowing how much sugar was inside that cotton キャンディー because I don't like it when she eats a lot of sugar! I just couldn't handle listening to her cry anymore!

As she reached for it, I asked "are あなた going to stop crying and make sure there's not going to be a lot もっと見る accidents from now on?" She 発言しました "I promise daddy!" I passed it to her and scooped her up into my arms. I 発言しました "I'm so proud of あなた AJ! I don't know why あなた were so upset! I want あなた to know that you'll always be daddy's baby girl; no matter what!" I never thought this would be as difficult as it has been! I hope I didn't bite off もっと見る than I can chew によって adding another baby on 上, ページのトップへ of AJ and her behavioral issues! I'm glad I don't have to deal with what I just had to deal with for at least a few もっと見る years after Prince is born!"

***

The phone rang and I heard Debbie's voice on the other end say "Michael; my water just broke!"

TO BE CONTINUED :-)