January 4, 2014,

I have been a complete emotional wreck ever since I found out that Damien wants to fight me for custody of Carter. Part of me wants to believe that it's because he's a changed person and wants to be a father to Carter; but I know in my ハート, 心 that that isn't the truth! Never in 1 million years did I think Damien would do something like this!

I had spent all morning in my bedroom and had not come downstairs in days! Kyle came upstairs and sat down 次 to me on the bed. He asked "are あなた okay? I've never seen あなた cry so much before!" I 発言しました "I won't be okay until this whole Damien thing is over with! Carter's five years old and still thinks that you're his father! I was hoping it would stay that way for a long time! I don't want him to face the reality of who his father really is! Damien isn't the kind of father that Carter can be proud of! Damien is an alcoholic player who takes advantage of any girl that he sees and he is living in some chick's basement! I don't want Carter exposed to all of that; especially because he understands so much もっと見る now than he did before!" Kyle 発言しました "I hate that we even have to deal with this right now! If Damien really wanted to spend time with Carter he should have started five years 前 when he was born!" I 発言しました "this just sucks and that's all that there is to it!" Kyle 発言しました "I do know one thing though; あなた need to get out of this room because you're depressing yourself even もっと見る によって being alone and crying! Carter's been asking me why あなた haven't seen him in a few days! I told him that あなた didn't feel good and that あなた would come down eventually! I promise あなた that if あなた go downstairs あなた will feel better!" I wiped tears off of my eyes and kissed Kyle. I 発言しました "I suppose I should go down there."

Kyle and I walked downstairs and into the living room. Carter turned around and jumped up from the spot where he was sitting on the floor as soon as he saw me. He ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. I knelt down in front of him and he looked at how red my eyes were from the nonstop crying I had been doing. He asked "are あなた okay mommy? Were あなた crying?" I 発言しました "no; I wasn't crying." He asked "how come あなた weren't coming out of your room? How come daddy had to bring 食 up to あなた and make あなた eat?" I 発言しました "I was just busy working on stuff for my job buddy. I needed to be up there because it's quiet and I can think better. Daddy brought the 食 up to me because I didn't want to stop working at all; but I promise that I'm going to be down here during the 日 from now on." Carter 発言しました "you missed my first 日 of kindergarten! I was so sad; I thought あなた were at least going to be there when daddy picked me up!" I 発言しました "I know buddy; I'm sorry! I promise I'll drop あなた off all によって myself tomorrow." Carter got all excited and 発言しました "I can't wait for あなた to meet my teacher and friends!" I 発言しました "I only missed one 日 of あなた going to school and I promise I won't miss any more!" He gave me a キッス and 発言しました "I'm so happy that あなた finally came out of your bedroom mommy! I missed you!"

January 5, 2014,

Carter sat in the living room watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal as I tried to wake up によって drinking my usual スターバックス coffee that Kyle picked up for me like he does every morning. I put some hair gel in Carter's hair to spike his little fauxhawk and helped him tie his shoes. He ran over and gave Kyle a hug as he grabbed his SpongeBob backpack.

I drove him to school and helped him climb down the high step that is in my truck. Before I could stop him, Carter bolted inside the elementary school and I chased after him. He 発言しました "come on mommy; I want to 表示する あなた my classroom!" I 発言しました "you have to hang on because I have to sign あなた in at the office so they know you're here." He grabbed my hand and we walked into the main office of the school. As we stood there waiting in line, I was not at all prepared for everything that was about to happen.

As we reached the counter I signed my signature on a paper that was attached to a clipboard and a mother standing 次 to me asked "are あなた Alanna Jackson?" I passed the clipboard back to the secretary and 発言しました "yeah." She immediately asked "will あなた sign my daughters iPod? She's a huge ファン of yours!" I took the pen that was sitting on 上, ページのトップへ of the clipboard and signed the rubber iPod case with my signature. She 発言しました "thank あなた so much AJ! My daughter is going to freak out when I give this to her when I picked her up later!" I 発言しました "no problem; I'm glad I could make her happy."

I grabbed Carter's hand again and we walked out into the hallway. He 発言しました as he pulled away "there's my classroom mommy!" I followed him inside the room that was covered with shapes all over the wall. He ran up to a woman who didn't look much older than I am and 発言しました "hi miss Lauren!" She bent down in front of him and 発言しました "hi Carter; I thought あなた weren't coming to school today!" He 発言しました "no; I was! Mommy just was running late this morning!" She 発言しました "okay; go put your backpack in your cubby and I'm going to start サークル, 円 time in about 10 minutes."

I smiled as Carter ran up to a boy and sat down 次 to him. The teacher finally made eye contact with me and 発言しました "oh my gosh; I didn't realize that あなた are Carter's mother!" I 発言しました "yeah; I am. I thought my husband would've told あなた that." She 発言しました "he told me that your name is Alanna; but I guess I didn't make the connection between your first name and Carter's last name! I really had no idea it was あなた AJ!" I 発言しました "alright; Carter seems to be all set; so I'll pick him up here at the end of the day." She asked "if あなた want to あなた can stay and observe the class?" I 発言しました "oh no; I couldn't impose! I'll be back to pick him up at 3 o'clock."

As I walked out of the room, I noticed a sign on the door that 発言しました "parents not permitted to stay for もっと見る than five 分 after class has begun." I wrinkled my eyebrows and walked out of the room.

I arrived back at Neverland 15 分 later and walked through the front door. I put my keys on the counter 上, ページのトップへ and went into the living room. As I sat down on the couch, Kyle asked "how do あなた like Carter's school babe?" I 発言しました "Carter seems to 愛 it and it looks like he's already starting to make フレンズ with the other kids. Something weird happened with the teacher though." Kyle flipped through the TV channels and asked "what happened?" I 発言しました "as soon as the teacher figured out that I am a celebrity she started to act all weird! She even asked me if I wanted to stay for the 日 and watch her teach the class! When I was leaving the classroom I saw a sign on the door that 発言しました that the parents aren't allowed to stay in the classroom for もっと見る than five 分 after the teacher starts teaching!" Kyle 発言しました "that is weird for her to offer to let あなた do something that's against the rules." I 発言しました "I think she's giving me special treatment because I'm famous! What people don't understand is that I'm just a normal person like everyone else and I don't want Carter to be spoiled によって the teacher just because I'm a celebrity!" Kyle 発言しました "now I understand why your dad wanted to homeschool あなた guys when he was alive because imagine how あなた would've been treated just because he is Michael Jackson! I 発言しました "I wonder if I made the wrong decision によって letting Carter go to a normal school! Maybe I should just start homeschooling him instead." Kyle 発言しました "you can't take him out of school now! He loves it there!" I 発言しました "I guess you're right; I just hope all the teachers treat him just like a normal kid because that's what he is! He doesn't need もっと見る attention than the other kids get from the teacher just because I'm Alanna Jackson!"

January 9, 2014,

I was in the studio working on my new album によって myself without Frank there because he was busy for the 日 and I was able to get a lot of work done without him critiquing everything that I sang. I stopped after about four hours of nonstop recording to have the サンドイッチ that I had picked up earlier this morning.

As I sat down to start eating I noticed a rundown car pulled up in front of the recording studio. As soon as the person got out of the car I recognized who it was. Damien walked up to the door and knocked on it a few times. I was debating whether または not to answer it; but eventually I reluctantly opened the door. He asked "what's up AJ?" I asked "who the hell told あなた that I was at the recording studio?" He 発言しました "I called your manager and he told me because he recognized my name when I told him who I was." I 発言しました "I really don't have anything to say to you!" He 発言しました "I decided to come here a few weeks early; so I wouldn't have to worry about missing the court date. I can't wait to see Carter! How is the little guy?" I 発言しました with irritation in my voice "he's not so little anymore!" Damien asked "isn't he like three years old now?" I rolled my eyes and 発言しました sarcastically "isn't that just great? あなた don't even know how old your son is!" He asked "how old is he?" I 発言しました "five!" He 発言しました "I can't wait until I get visitation with him. I miss him!"

I 発言しました "quit 芝居 like あなた care! I know あなた don't care about him and あなた are just trying to squeeze as much money from me as あなた can! Don't think for a 秒 that I'm going to take it easy on あなた when we're in the courthouse before that judge! I'm going to expose あなた for everything that あなた really are!" He 発言しました "good luck with that AJ! The judge always feels bad when a son doesn't have a father in his life!" I 発言しました arrogantly "Carter does have a father in his life and he is a whole hell of a lot better father than あなた would ever be!" He 発言しました "I don't really like the fact that あなた have your boyfriend around our son without my permission!" I 発言しました "he's not my boyfriend; he is my husband and how do あなた expect me to ask your permission if you're never around? You're such a jerk and I can already tell that あなた haven't grown up at all since the last time I saw you!" He 発言しました "okay; I'm going to leave because I want to save all the good fighting for when I kick your 尻, お尻 in court!" I 発言しました "we'll see about that when the 日 comes!"

Immediately after Damien left the recording studio, I got in my truck and drove back to the ranch. I went inside and upstairs to the bedroom. I sat down on the ベッド 次 to Kyle and he asked "how did work go today?" I raised my eyebrows and 発言しました with a smirk on my face "you'll never guess who I saw today!" He asked "who?" I 発言しました "Damien!" He 発言しました "Damien; what is he doing here in California so soon? The court 日付 isn't for three もっと見る weeks!" I 発言しました "I know; he 発言しました that he was coming out here ahead of time to make sure that he didn't miss the court date!" Kyle laughed and asked "how hard is it for Damien to make sure he’s here in time for court?" I 発言しました "I imagine it will be pretty damn hard for him because I can guarantee あなた he is going to get hammered drunk the night before the court 日付 and have a hangover when and if he decides to 表示する up!" Kyle said" he seems like a real jerk!" I 発言しました as I laughed "he was 芝居 all cocky and started complaining about how I should have asked him for his permission before I let あなた around Carter!"

Kyle and I both looked at each other and burst out laughing. Kyle 発言しました "that's the most ridiculous load of crap I have ever heard in my life! The guy who drinks all 日 long and has a different girlfriend every two weeks is going to complain about me being around his son!" I 発言しました "trust me babe; I was thinking the same thing! I should probably warn あなた ahead of time that Damien is probably going to make fun of your British accent just to get a reaction out of you! He doesn't have a lot to go on to plead his case to the judge; so he'll take whatever he can get that's going to make him look better than us!" Kyle 発言しました "don't worry AJ; he doesn't scare me!"

February 19, 2014,

Kyle and I pulled up in front of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse dressed in business SUITS/スーツ and I took a deep breath. Kyle put his hand on my shoulder and 発言しました "everything is going to be fine babe!" We got out of the truck and walked up to my lawyer Kenny. I held Kyle's hand as we walked inside and saw Damien sitting on a bench outside the courtroom wearing a casual T-shirt and baggy jeans with his underwear showing. I shook my head in disbelief and Kyle was thinking the exact same thing as me.

Damien's court appointed lawyer talked with Kenny for about 10 分 before we were allowed to enter the courtroom. Kyle sat down 次 to me at the 表, テーブル opposite of Damien's 表, テーブル and our lawyer opened his briefcase. My hands started sweating vigorously as I held onto Kyle's hand and he whispered "everything's going to be okay babe." Kyle's eyes met with Damien's as they saw each other for the first time. Damien snarled his upper lip at Kyle and Kyle just looked away as he shook his head in disbelief.

A male judge sat down behind the podium and hit his gavel on it. The bailiff read aloud "judge Marion Jones presiding over the case of Damien Adam Hayes versus Alanna Michael Jackson in a custody hearing for the child hereby stated as Carter Shawn Jackson. あなた may proceed." Judge Marion 発言しました "okay; I would like to begin with an opening statement and/or 質問 によって Mr. Hayes's lawyer for any parties involved. Damien's lawyer 発言しました "thank あなた Your Honor."

He walked over to our 表, テーブル and asked "have あなた been supportive in creating a healthy father-son relationship between Carter and Damien?" I looked at my lawyer to make sure it was okay to answer and 発言しました "all I can do is try and I tried for a long time!" He asked "what sort of things did あなた try in terms of supporting that relationship between the two of them?" I 発言しました "the one time he did 表示する up I tried to get him involved in caring for our son." The lawyer asked "and how did that experience go? Please try to answer without criticizing Damien's character." I looked at my lawyer confused and he 発言しました "your honor that 質問 is impossible to answer due to the fact that the child's father was never interested in bonding with his son in any way." Damien's lawyer asked "okay then; what is your current relationship like with Damien at this very moment?" I said" I've only seen him a total of three times since Carter has been born." He 発言しました "I understand that あなた and Damien had several sexual encounters after the time of the child's birth; is this true?" I sarcastically smiled as I shook my head in disbelief and 発言しました "that is a complete and utter lie!" Damien's lawyer asked "so what you're telling me is that あなた and Damien never had relations after the child's conception?" I quickly glanced over at Damien and 発言しました "we did once; the 日 after Carter's first birthday." The judge 発言しました "these 質問 are completely irrelevant to the matter of custody; 移動する on Sir!"

Damien's lawyer asked "is it true that あなた yourself have a past filled with underage drinking?" I reluctantly 発言しました "yes sir." He asked "when was the last time あなた consumed any alcohol?" I had to think about it for a 分 because it was so long 前 and 発言しました "if I'm remembering correctly the summer of 2008." He asked "have あなた had any altercations with the police since the child has been alive?" I 発言しました "I don't know what あなた consider an altercation with the police; but I do get the occasional speeding ticket." He asked "have あなた been charged with these speeding tickets while Carter is in the vehicle?" I 発言しました "I would never go over the speed with Carter in the car Sir!" He asked "is it true that あなた have since gotten married?" I 発言しました "yes sir." Damien's lawyer looked over at Kyle and asked "do あなた feel that あなた and Alanna have created a healthy environment for her son to be growing up in?" Kyle 発言しました "yes sir." He asked "do あなた feel like あなた and Alanna model a healthy relationship between the two of あなた in front of Carter?" Kyle 発言しました "very healthy Sir!" Damien's lawyer 発言しました "that's all the 質問 I have for them Your Honor; あなた may continue."

My lawyer began to interrogate Damien starting with asking "is it true that あなた abandoned Alanna and your unborn child without even giving any notice?" Damien responded "yeah; but I had my reasons for doing that!" My lawyer asked "what would be your reasoning for that? How do あなた justify leaving a 14-year-old girl who just found out she was pregnant to fend for herself?" Damien 発言しました arrogantly "she wasn't completely on her own! She had Michael there for help and my mother would visit from time to time!" The lawyer asked "is it true that あなた had problems with underage drinking as well?" Damien 発言しました "I have in the past; but I attend Alcoholics Anonymous on a weekly basis currently."

I looked over at Kyle and whispered "oh that is such ブル crap!" Kyle whispered back "let him say whatever he wants to say because in the end he is only making it harder on himself!" My lawyer asked "how come あなた have not paid a single penny for any of Carter's necessities since he has been alive?" Damien responded "AJ makes millions of dollars; so I didn't think it really mattered!" The lawyer responded "just because she makes millions of dollars doesn't mean that あなた shouldn't be held accountable for your responsibilities to your son!" Damien 発言しました "yeah well; I don't agree with the fact that AJ's boyfriend または husband または whatever the hell he is to her is allowed to be around Carter without my consent!"

I raised my hand and the judge allowed me to see what I was going to say. I 発言しました "I apologize your honor; but Damien doesn't deserve the right to have his opinion heard! I'm not trying to glorify Kyle because he is imperfect just like everyone else on this earth; but he does everything that Damien should be または should have been doing this entire time! He watches him all 日 long for me while I'm at work! He picks Carter up and drops him off at school most days because I am unable to due to my work schedule! Kyle pretty much single-handedly taught Carter how to use the toilet; including waking up at night with him! Damien; if あなた want to criticize someone's parenting go ahead and pick on me instead of Kyle because he's willing to do everything and anything for Carter and I wish I could say the same thing for you; but I can't!"

The judge 発言しました "here's what I'm going to do, we're going to do a trial weekend with Carter and Damien together! In order for that to happen, Damien needs to be held accountable for paying some sort of child support! If after the weekend is over and Damien still has not paid any sort of child support then he will be forced to serve four months in jail and all his parental rights will be terminated; am I understood Mr. Hayes?" Damien shook his head in agreement and Judge Marion 発言しました "courts adjourned!"

As we were walking out of the courthouse and over to the truck, we noticed that Damien's car was parked right 次 to us. I opened up the truck door as Damien walked to his car and 発言しました "I'm one step closer to 50-50 custody AJ; which means you'll have to pay me child support just like I'll have to pay you!" Kyle 発言しました under his breath "just shut up!" Damien 発言しました as he puffed out his chest trying to act tough "what did あなた say あなた British butt kisser?" I looked at Kyle as I gently pushed him into the truck and 発言しました "don't listen to him babe! He's just doing that to get a reaction out of you!"

I hurried to start the truck and I stuck my middle finger out the window at Damien as we drove off. As we started our half-hour journey back to Neverland where Prince was babysitting Carter for us I started to tear up. Kyle asked "why do あなた look like you're about to cry babe?" I 発言しました "I just realized that Damien's going to have Carter all によって himself for an entire weekend! In a way; Damien is getting what he wanted this entire time!" Kyle 発言しました "I highly doubt that after this first visit with Carter that we'll have to worry about Damien anymore!" I 発言しました as I grabbed Kyle’s hand "it made me so mad when Damien wanted to complain about あなた being around Carter! I couldn't hold my tongue any longer! I just had to say something! If it wasn't for you; I wouldn't have millions and millions of dollars for Damien to try to squeeze out of me! Don't get me wrong; I 愛 Carter to death! I just don’t understand why I had to lose my virginity to such an immature deadbeat dad! Sometimes I just wish that I would've gotten pregnant with your baby and have Carter be yours because I know あなた wouldn't leave me! I mean; any guy who wants to deal with all this drama every 日 for the rest of his life all for a kid that isn't even his must have some real balls!" Kyle chuckled and 発言しました "it's so worth it because every 日 I get to hear Carter say 'daddy; I 愛 you! Daddy; am I your good boy! Daddy; will あなた fix my toy for me? Daddy; I want to be just like あなた when I grow up and be the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I started crying even harder and asked "Carter really says all that stuff to you?" Kyle 発言しました "oh yeah; when he was a little over three he used to follow me around wearing his fake tool ベルト and tried to copy what I was fixing!" I grabbed Kyle's hand and 発言しました "I know that Damien's going to screw up this one weekend taking care of Carter on his own; so I can't wait until he is out of our lives for good!" Kyle laughed and I asked "what's so funny?" Kyle 発言しました "I kind of wish that Damien didn't wait until Carter was five to do this whole weekend alone taking care of him because it would've been funny to send him with Carter when he was a baby! We would've had some really funny stuff to laugh at imagining Damien waking up every 15 分 like あなた had to! Damien's going to have a pretty easy weekend with Carter because all he has to do is sit him in front of the TV that entire time!"

February 22, 2014,

Kyle whispered in my ear as I stared at Carter watching TV "Damien's going to be here in a half 時 to pick up Carter for the weekend! あなた still haven't told Carter that I'm not his father and that his real father is going to be picking him up any minute! あなた have to tell him AJ!" I 発言しました "I know I do Kyle; but this is going to be hard for me! That's why I waited so long!"

I walked into the living room and 発言しました "Carter; I need to talk to あなた about something buddy!" He asked "what's wrong mommy?" I 発言しました "you know that daddy loves あなた very much; but he's not your real daddy." Carter asked "what do あなた mean he is not my real daddy?" I couldn't even respond to him as I stared blankly into his eyes. Kyle 発言しました "mommy had another boyfriend before she met me and he's your daddy Carter." I 発言しました "he's coming to pick あなた up in a few 分 and you're going to spend the weekend with him." Carter 発言しました as a car pulled up in front of the gate "you're going with me; aren't あなた mommy?" I 発言しました "I'm not Carter."

Kyle opened the door as Carter jumped into my arms and grabbed onto me with a death grip. I hugged him and carried him outside to the driveway with Kyle walking behind me. I slowly walked up to Damien who was sitting in his car with a police officer standing 次 to him outside the car. Carter cried hysterically into my shoulder and Damien got out of the car. I 発言しました as I continuously patted Carter's back "did あなた really need to have the police officer here Damien?" Damien 発言しました as he mocked to me "I wanted to make sure that あなた went through with giving him to me because this is court ordered and if あなた didn't let me take him from あなた it would be against the law!"

I 発言しました "okay Carter; Damien's going to take あなた for the weekend now." Carter protested at the 上, ページのトップへ of his lungs "NO; MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO GO!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!!!” I 発言しました as I started to tear up while desperately trying to hold it together so Carter wasn't scared もっと見る than he already was "I have to!!!" The police officer 発言しました "you need to hurry up Mrs. Jackson because I have places that I need to be!"

As I tried passing Carter from my arms to Damien's, Kyle reluctantly had to pry Carter's fingers from around my neck and Damien buckled him into the car seat. Carter screamed "PLEASE SAVE ME DADDY!!!" Damien looked Carter in his eyes and 発言しました sternly "stop calling him that! He's not your daddy; I am!" I could see the look of pure terror in Carter's eyes as he immediately 発言しました "I'm sorry." Kyle 発言しました as he leaned into the car window "I swear to God if anything happens to him; your 尻, お尻 is mine!!!" Damien just rolled up to his window and followed behind the police officer in the cop car.

I immediately fell to my knees and started crying hysterically. Kyle grabbed onto me and started crying into my shoulder. I 発言しました in between sobs "I can't do this every weekend! There's just no way!!! Carter wanted me to go with him and I can't believe that he is going to be alone with Damien without any supervision for an entire weekend! CARTER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW DAMIEN!!!" I tried desperately to stand up; but my nerves wouldn't let me. Kyle literally had to carry me inside because if he didn't I would've been out there crying all night long on the driveway!

Kyle sat down on the ソファー, ソファ as I sat on his lap and cried into my hands. Kyle 発言しました with tears in his eyes "he wanted me to rescue him and I have to admit that if the police officer wasn't standing right there I would have!" Kyle moved the back of my シャツ down and 発言しました "there are marks on your back from Carter digging his fingernails into your skin!!!" I 発言しました "that doesn't surprise me! He was holding on to me for dear life!!!" Kyle 発言しました as he wiped the tears that were streaming down his face "this is going to be the longest weekend ever babe!!!" I 発言しました "I want Carter to come back now!" Kyle 発言しました "I do too!"

February 24, 2014,

I 発言しました out loud "Damien better hurry up and get here because I've been waiting all weekend to see my son!" Kyle held my hand as Damien pulled up in front of the house. I ran up to the car and without saying a word to Damien, I took Carter out of the car. Damien looked at Carter and smiled before getting a serious expression on his face. He stared at Carter and sternly 発言しました "don't forget what I said!" With that, Damien sped off down the road and I ran towards Kyle with the biggest smile on my face. Kyle 発言しました as we walked inside the house "mommy and me missed あなた so much Carter!" I kissed Carter's cheek and asked "did あなた have fun?" Carter looked at me as his body physically shook in my arms. I asked with a confused look on my face "what's wrong Carter?"

Before I could get an answer from him, I felt something warm running down my leg and wrinkled my eyebrows. Kyle 発言しました "ummm look babe!!!" I looked down at the ground to see that I was standing in a yellow puddle. Carter immediately burst out crying and 発言しました "I'M SO SORRY MOMMY!!!" I 発言しました sympathetically "it's alright Carter! I'm not mad at you! We'll just change your clothes because あなた need to take a bath anyway!!!"

The three of us went up to Kyle and I’s bedroom. Kyle started the water in the bathtub in our bedroom's bathroom and I quickly took off my baggy jeans. I changed into a pair of pajama pants. Kyle 発言しました "okay Carter; you're all set! Mommy and I will come back in a few 分 to wash your hair."

As Kyle walked into the bedroom I watched as Carter walked into the bathroom shaking with his pants completely soaked and shut the door. Kyle sat down 次 to me on the edge of the ベッド and 発言しました "that was surprising!" I 発言しました "yeah; I know! Carter hasn't peed in his pants since he was three!!!" Even if he did have an accident; he would've never gone all over me!" Kyle 発言しました "I wonder why he keeps shaking so badly!"

I opened the bathroom door and walked inside with Kyle behind me. Carter continued to shake as I knelt down in front of the tub to wash his hair. The 秒 I touched Carter's head he flinched and I asked "what's wrong sweetheart? Why are あなた shaking like that Carter?" He 発言しました something that completely confused me "you can hit me if あなた want to mommy! I shouldn't have had an accident!" I 発言しました "no; I'm not going to hit you! Where would あなた come up with such a crazy idea like that from Carter? I've never ever hit あなた before and I never ever would hit you; ever!!!!!!!!" I heard Kyle whisper "that son of a bitch; I'm going to fucking kick his ass!!!"

I looked at Kyle with a puzzled expression on my face and asked "what the heck are あなた talking about and why haven't あなた blinked your eyes in the last five minutes? What are あなた staring at Kyle?" Kyle had rage in his eyes like あなた wouldn't believe as he pointed at Carter's back. I leaned backwards and couldn't believe my eyes as I saw an almost a perfect outline of a hand print in red on Carter's back!!! I asked severely concerned "Carter; did Damien hit you?" Carter uncontrollably shook and stuttered as he 発言しました "I – I – I'm not supposed to say anything!!!" I 発言しました "I'm going to kill Damien!!!"

After Carter got dressed he 発言しました "I think Damien still has my bag of clothes with him in his car mommy!" I 発言しました calmly as I pulled the covers back on his ベッド "that's okay; we'll get them!" He climbed into ベッド and I covered him up before lying down 次 to him. Kyle came in and knelt down on the side of the bed. I asked "Carter; why did Damien hit you?" Carter 発言しました "I told あなた that I can't say anything!" I asked "why not?" He responded "because Damien 発言しました if I ever told anyone that he would kill both あなた and daddy when you're sleeping!!!!!" I 発言しました "he won't kill us Carter; I promise!!!" Kyle 発言しました as he held onto Kyle's hand "I won't let that happen Carter; but あなた need to tell us why Damien hit you!" Carter 発言しました "he was 芝居 really weird because he was drinking this drink and he tripped over me because I was playing with my race cars on the floor! He was yelling bad words at me and then hit me because I wasn't moving out of the way fast enough!"

My ハート, 心 broke into 1 million pieces as I tried to imagine how terrified Carter must've been! I shook my head in disgust and kissed the 上, ページのトップへ of Carter's head. I asked "can I ask あなた something Carter?" He 発言しました "yeah mommy." I asked "did あなた wet your pants because あなた thought daddy and I would hit you?" Carter 発言しました "mostly that's why; but Damien didn't let me go to the bathroom before we left the hotel to come back here and によって the time we got into the house I couldn't hold it anymore! I really am sorry mommy!" I 発言しました "you don't have to be sorry Carter! It wasn't your fault! When あなた have to go あなた have too! Kyle 発言しました as he stroked Carter's fingers "yeah; it's no big deal buddy! I actually thought it was pretty funny that あなた peed all over mommy!" Carter started cracking up and Kyle 発言しました "we want あなた to know that neither mommy nor I would ever hurt あなた like Damien did!" I 発言しました "I promise あなた that we will NEVER hit あなた Carter; no matter what あなた do!!!"

We could hear the noise of the doorbell ringing from downstairs and I turned the volume up on Carter's TV to muffle any noise just in case it was Damien downstairs! I shut Carter's bedroom door as Kyle bolted down the steps after looking out the window. I chased after him after seeing that Damien was the one ringing the doorbell.

I ran past Kyle and swung open the door. Damien was about to pass me Carter's backpack full of clothes when I pulled him inside and pushed him to the ground. Damien asked arrogantly "what the fuck is your problem?" I 発言しました "don't act like あなた don't know!" Damien whispered "oh; that little snitch! He wasn't supposed to say anything!" I 発言しました "HE'S FREAKING FIVE YEARS OLD DAMIEN!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He 発言しました "what's wrong with me? What about what's wrong with あなた AJ? You're the one overreacting and being a 雌犬 for no reason!" Kyle shouted at the 上, ページのトップへ of his lungs "WHAT THE HELL DID あなた JUST CALL HER?" Damien 発言しました arrogantly as he smiled "you heard me right! AJ is just some 雌犬 that I screwed around with once and that's all she'll ever be to me!" I 発言しました as I threw my hands up in the air "oh my God Damien! I'm the mother of your son and all あなた can call me is a bitch!" Kyle 発言しました "CALL HER THAT AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!" Damien asked "why? What are あなた going to do about it?"

I gave Kyle a look of carelessness as I 発言しました "go right ahead babe; I'm not going to stop you!" Before Damien even had time to react, Kyle decked him in the side of his face so hard that when he fell his head went right through the drywall. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed before as Damien looked up at Kyle as if he was a scared 子犬 dog! Kyle asked as he looked down at Damien "would あなた like some もっと見る because there's plenty もっと見る where that came from?" Damien rapidly shook his head in disapproval and Kyle 発言しました "I'm giving あなた until the count of three to get the hell out of this house before I change my mind; one, two –!"

I fell to the ground in hysterical laughter as Damien stumbled out of the house and down the 通り, ストリート holding his head. Kyle shut the door and 発言しました "I don't think we'll have to worry about him for a long time babe!" Kyle helped me off the ground and I 発言しました while still trying to catch my breath "you freaking scared the crap out of him Kyle! That was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life! The look on his face was priceless! I wish I had my camera with me!" Kyle 発言しました "he obviously doesn't have any respect for women if he talks to them like that! I wasn't about to let him stand here and call あなた a 雌犬 over and over again! He doesn't treat あなた like he should because あなた are the mother of his son! Now that that's over with, let's go upstairs and watch TV with OUR son!"

February 25, 2014,

Carter has been stuck to me like glue since Damien dropped him off yesterday. He doesn't want to be alone no matter what. We were eating ディナー and Carter didn't seem like his usual self. He has hardly touched his 食 and he asked "is Damien going to come pick me up this coming weekend mommy?" I 発言しました "he's supposed to." Carter 発言しました with a worried expression on his face "I don't want to go with him again!" I 発言しました "don't worry Carter; I'm not going to let him take you!" Carter asked "isn't it against the law for あなた to keep me from going with Damien? Won't あなた get in trouble?" I 発言しました "I don't care if I get in trouble Carter! I'm not going to risk あなた going over there unsupervised and being hit again! I don't think Damien is going to 表示する up; but if he does then I'm going with あなた Carter!"

Kyle 発言しました "I highly doubt that he will actually 表示する up after what I did to him yesterday!" I 発言しました "I think it's ridiculous that he even wants to have Carter on the weekends because あなた and I both know that Damien isn't spending time with him! It's really a waste of my time with Carter because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him either!”

March 2, 2014,

Carter was waiting for Damien to pick him up for the weekend and I had my bags packed because I had fully planned to go with them for safety reasons. An 時 and a half past and Damien still hadn't arrived and we figured that he wasn't going to 表示する up because of the huge fight that happened last weekend.

I was upstairs in the bedroom watching TV with Kyle went I noticed Damien quickly drive up to the mailbox outside the gate and drop something inside. He sped off without even getting out of his car and I 発言しました "I wonder what he dropped in the mailbox Kyle." Kyle responded "I'll go check; be right back." I watched out the window as Kyle went down and outside to the mailbox.

After grabbing the small white envelope, he made his way back up to our bedroom and passed me what he had retrieved. I was really reluctant to open the envelope because it's usually something bad inside. I pulled out what appeared to be a letter written in Damien's terrible handwriting. I read aloud so Kyle could hear "I obviously can't handle あなた and how bitchy あなた are AJ! I don't know what あなた want from me! One 分 あなた want me to be there for Carter and the 次 分 あなた don't! I'm done with あなた and your games and have decided to be very selfless! I went to the courthouse and signed a document that terminated all of my parental rights to Carter as his father. I hope you're happy and I want あなた to know that every kid deserves to be smacked around every once in a while! I don't feel bad about hitting Carter at all and I never will! At least, now あなた know where I stand! The only thing I want from あなた now is to keep in contact with my mother because she would be totally devastated if あなた cut Carter out of her life! I don't 愛 him; but she does and it wouldn't be fair to her! I hope あなた have a good life with that meathead husband of yours! PS, it was always about the money! I told あなた that I didn't care about Carter from the very beginning! Say whatever あなた want about me because I obviously don't care what あなた think about my ability to be a good father! I never wanted to be a father and according to the legal termination of my parental rights I'm not a father!"

I 発言しました "well; I guess we don't have to worry about Damien anymore!" Kyle 発言しました "he is such an idiot; I mean seriously? He is still trying to justify why he hit Carter! At least he admitted that all he was trying to do was get money from あなた and that he never intended to have a good relationship with Carter!"

March 21, 2014,

Frank leaned over my shoulder as we went on to iTunes.com to see the results of how my new album "footprints of my father" is selling. I smiled as I 発言しました "I'm number one on the iTunes 上, ページのトップへ 10! I beat Bieber; even after all this time has gone by!" Frank high-fived me and 発言しました "I bet あなた already know what I'm thinking!" I 発言しました "I really don't want to go on tour right now! It was hard enough leaving Carter the first time! Now I'll have to leave Kyle and Carter here! Just when I thought everything was going to calm down; this happens! I still have plenty of money coming in from merchandise sales!" Frank 発言しました "yeah; but it's nowhere near as much as あなた earn when you're on tour! I'm telling あなた that あなた will make double the cash あなた made with your last tour! That was your debut album and people want もっと見る from あなた apparently! I think あなた should really consider it because あなた don't want to start losing fans! Alright; well I have to head out. I'll call あなた in a couple of days to hear what あなた decided to do! If I were あなた I would do it! It would be a really good financial investment for あなた and your family because あなた have to remember that you're not only doing this for yourself anymore! This is your job and your way of providing for your family! You're the only income; so it's all on your shoulders! It's up to あなた to make sure that Kyle, Carter, and あなた are able to keep up the lifestyle you've become accustomed to! あなた think you're living the perfect life right now; but wait until $30,000 feels like nothing because あなた make so much money! I'm telling あなた that going on tour in the near future is one of the best decisions that あなた could possibly make! No pressure; just sleep on it kid and I'll give あなた a call in a few days!"

After Frank left, Kyle came downstairs and 発言しました "hey AJ!" I said" I need to talk to あなた about something." He 発言しました "that's good because I needed to talk to あなた about something too; あなた go first!" I 発言しました "Frank thinks it's a good idea that I go on tour again to bring in tons of cash. I kind of want to; but I really don't want to travel all over the world!" Kyle 発言しました "I think あなた should go on tour! It will be good for あなた because you've been on mommy duty for a little over three years! あなた kind of disappeared out of the public eye! I don't want people to forget who あなた are because I know how much あなた 愛 being a musician! That's been your dream and I don't want あなた to give up on it! I don't care what it takes! I'll be here to watch Carter that entire time that you’re away on tour! Your happiness is the most important thing to me AJ! I just want あなた to go out there and find あなた again because I think you're starting to lose yourself as a person! It's okay that あなた need a break! You're losing your identity as a person! あなた do too much for everyone else and not enough for yourself! It's time to start taking care of you! I've got Carter handled; there's no reason to worry about him!" I asked "are あなた sure about this because if あなた are I'm going to call Frank right now and tell him to start booking コンサート dates?" Kyle 発言しました "yes AJ; don't worry about us!"

After calling Frank and telling him to start setting up plans for my 次 tour, I asked Kyle "what did あなた want to talk to me about?" He 発言しました "never mind babe." I 発言しました "no; just tell me! I want to know!" He 発言しました "since I can't get あなた pregnant naturally; I was thinking we could think about adopting a child." I thought about it for a few 分 before saying "that doesn't actually sound like that bad of an idea! I think Carter would like to have a little brother または sister. If あなた want to go ahead and start looking into the paperwork and stuff that goes along with adoption; あなた can. It'll give あなた something to do while Carter is at school and I'm away on tour." Kyle 発言しました "I heard that there's a lot of paperwork to fill out; so it could take up to eight months before adoption agencies can start matching us with available kids."

April 26, 2014

I ran frantically for my cell phone as it continuously rang playing my Jesse McCartney ring tone. I looked at the caller ID to see that it was Frank and answered the phone によって saying "hello." He 発言しました "I just got off the phone with some tour promoters and they told me they want to start the tour on December 29 of this year! Starting in Los Angeles, all around the world and completely global this time! Dubai, Japan, China, Switzerland, just pretty much every significant country あなた can think of!" I 発言しました "December 29; that's only four days after Christmas! Don't あなた think that's asking too much of me to leave Kyle and Carter right after the holidays?" Frank 発言しました "I know it's going to be hard for あなた AJ; but just think of how much money you'll make and how extremely lavish your lifestyle will be with all that cash in your pocket! Sometimes in life, あなた have to do things that あなた don't want to do just because that's best for everyone around you! The promoters are dead set on December 29th being the first コンサート of your tour!" I 発言しました "fine; but only because I don't have any other choice!"

Without even saying goodbye to me, Frank hung up the phone and Kyle asked "what was he so excited about? I could hear him screaming from all the way over here!" I 発言しました "apparently, he just got done talking with the コンサート promoters and they want me on tour at the end of this year!" He 発言しました "that sounds awesome AJ! Why don't あなた seem excited?" I 発言しました "I don't know; I guess I just wasn't expecting Frank to 移動する so quickly with getting the tour up and running!" Kyle asked "should we tell Carter that あなた are going to be going on tour again?" I 発言しました "we will; eventually! I just don't want to upset him right now because I have a feeling that he's not going to like being separated pretty much entirely from me for nine long months! He was only a baby last time I left; so I don't even think he remembers what it's like to not have me there! I sure as hell remember what it was like not being able to be with him every single 日 and I'm not looking フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして to it at all!" Kyle 発言しました "it will be hard on all of us; but it's for the best and I promise that we'll Skype あなた all the time!" I 発言しました "that will definitely help; but it's not same as being able to hug あなた guys anytime I want to! I just hope that I'm not asking あなた to do too much while I'm away! It's going to be a lot for あなた to handle!" He 発言しました "don't worry about it AJ; it's not too much for me! Besides, I still have that life-size cardboard cutout of あなた in my closet just in case I get lonely!" I playfully slapped his arm as I 発言しました "shut up; you're obsessed with that cardboard cutout! I still think that thing is creepy and it better not be standing in the キッチン when I get back!"

October 31, 2014,

Carter 発言しました "trick-or-treat" as he stood in front of one of the million dollar houses in our neighborhood dressed as the オレンジ ninja turtle. After getting his candy, I 発言しました "okay Carter; we're going to go ホーム now. Daddy and I want to talk to あなた about something on the walk back to the house." I looked at Kyle with a depressed look on my face and he put his hand on my shoulder.

We walked down the 通り, ストリート and I kicked pebbles with my feet as I looked down at the ground waiting for the right moment. I 発言しました "Carter; I'm going to be going on tour again." Carter got excited and 発言しました "I can't wait to go with あなた and daddy all over the world!" I sighed and 発言しました "you and daddy are going to stay here!" He asked "what do あなた mean mommy? あなた can't leave me here! I need to go with あなた because I'll miss あなた too much!" I 発言しました "I wish I could take あなた Carter; but I just can't!" He 発言しました "it's not going to be any fun here with just daddy!" Kyle joked "what am I chopped liver; compared to mommy?" Carter 発言しました "mommy's もっと見る fun than あなた are daddy." I laughed and 発言しました "he just dissed あなた Kyle!" Kyle joked "I see how it is Carter; mommy is the favorite! I'll have to remember that 次 time when あなた want me to help あなた tie your shoes!"

December 20, 2014,

I finished wrapping Carter's クリスマス presents on the ベッド and Kyle came out of the bathroom wearing just his boxers. I looked over and crossed yet another 日 off of my calendar. I sighed and 発言しました "only eight もっと見る days left!" Kyle 発言しました "nine straight months with no sex! I 発言しました "I have a feeling that I'm not going to be in the mood after tonight because I'll be really depressed! あなた better make tonight count!" He turned on the radio and 発言しました "trust me; it will be worth it!"

As we lay there with our bodies pressed up against each other, "stay" によって リアーナ came on the radio station. "I want あなた to stay, stay, I want あなた to stay" blared through the speakers as Kyle pulled away from our passionate make out session. He saw a single tear run down my face and asked "I'm not hurting you; am I?" I 発言しました "no; I'm fine!" He rolled off of me and 発言しました "no you're not; you're crying! If I'm hurting あなた then just tell me!" I 発言しました "you're not hurting me Kyle!" He asked "then why are あなた crying?" I 発言しました "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!" He asked while continuing what he had stopped "then why are you?" I 発言しました "I don't have a choice! I have to provide for あなた guys because I'm the only income! Besides, I can't let all my ファン down! I 愛 performing; but I just wish Frank didn't just throw all of this on my lap!" I already have enough pressure as it is; let alone with him criticizing everything I do! I don't want to talk about this anymore because it's going to get me out of the mood! There's nothing we can do about it; it is what it is! Now if あなた don't mind, can we just get back to the 愛 because that's all either of us are going to be getting for nine months?"

Afterwards, I rolled over with my back to Kyle and my arms crossed as I slipped my clothes back on. Kyle 発言しました "I didn't mean to make あなた mad AJ!" I 発言しました "well; あなた succeeded!" He 発言しました "we still haven't had our first fight yet and I don't want to start now!" I 発言しました "then I suggest that あなた leave me alone!" He fastened the buttons on his シャツ and 発言しました "fine; if that's what あなた want then I'll leave あなた alone just to avoid getting into a fight with あなた because I want this to be a fight free marriage. I 愛 あなた AJ and I'm sorry." I 発言しました as I rolled back over facing towards him "I can't stay mad at you! The entire time I was facing the other direction I was smiling and trying not to laugh!"

December 29, 2014,

I stood there in my tour bus in front of Neverland and looked around. Kyle 発言しました "okay Carter; we have to get off the bus now." Carter wrapped his arms around my neck and wouldn't let go when I tried to put him down. He screamed "no mommy; I'M GOING WITH YOU!!!" I 発言しました "you can't Carter! It's not going to be as fun as あなた think it is being on tour! I'm working all the time and I wouldn't be able to spend time with あなた either way! I promise あなた that I'll get on Skype every 日 with あなた guys!" I tried to put him down again and he still refused to let go. I 発言しました "I could use a little help here Kyle!"

Kyle pried Carter away from me as he continued to scream at the 上, ページのトップへ of his lungs. He cried as he protested "LET ME GO DADDY! I'M STAYING ON THIS BUS!" Kyle turned his face as Carter continuously flailed his arms all over the place trying to get out of his grip. Kyle 発言しました "I would hug あなた AJ; but as あなた can see my hands are pretty full at the moment. I whispered in his ear "that's okay; I'll see あなた at the コンサート and I can hug あなた there! Don't forget to drop off あなた know who at my grandmother's!" I kissed Carter who was still relentlessly trying to grab hold of me. As I pulled away he grabbed my hair and I 発言しました while laughing "OUCH; KYLE HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF HERE BECAUSE HE'S RIPPING THE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD!"

As we made our way to the arena in the tour bus, Frank asked "are あなた okay kid? あなた look pale!" I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and 発言しました "yeah; I think it's just nerves! It's been over three years since I've performed on tour!" He 発言しました "you're just like your dad; once あなた get out on that stage all your nerves will disappear!" I 発言しました "yeah; you're probably right!"

A half 時 before the コンサート starts, I sat backstage on the ソファー, ソファ with my hand on my forehead. I looked in the mirror to see that I was pale as a ghost and drenched with sweat. Frank asked "are あなた sure you're feeling okay AJ?" I 発言しました "yeah; I'm fine! I'll get over whatever is going on! It's these stupid nerves getting –."

Before I could finish the sentence, I ran off to the bathroom and violently started throwing up. Frank knocked on the door and 発言しました "I've never seen あなた this nervous before! Everything is going to be just fine! Your ファン 愛 あなた and the dedicated ファン will always be there; no matter what!" I stood up and walked out of the bathroom as I 発言しました "you're right Frank; I don't know what's gotten into me! I'm never usually this nervous! It must be because Kyle's going to be here watching me tonight."

There was a knock at the door and Frank 発言しました "speaking of Kyle; I think he's here!" Frank opened the door and Kyle immediately noticed my appearance. He put his hand on my forehead and 発言しました "you don't feel warm; but あなた look awful babe!" I laughed it off and 発言しました "thanks for the compliment!" He 発言しました "I'm serious AJ! あなた look terrible!" I gently pushed him out of the way and 発言しました "come on; あなた can sit on the edge of the stage where the backup dancers come in from! You'll be able to see better than anyone else that way! He 発言しました "I don't think あなた should go out there AJ!" I asked "would あなた just relax; I'm fine! My ファン are waiting for me and once I get out there and started 歌う again my anxiety will go away!"

***30 秒 before the コンサート entrance***

I sat there in the stage トースター with my hands on my head trying not to think about how bad my stomach was turning. My head continuously pounded with the sound of the loud screaming. I was catapulted onto the stage and that's when I realized something was seriously wrong with me! The room just felt like it was spinning out of control and I fell to the ground with a bang that was heard loud and clear によって the microphone I wore over my head. The last thing I remember was the thousands of ファン letting out gasps as I saw Kyle run to my side.

***

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Kyle's face. I looked around the room and asked "where are we?" He 発言しました "in the hospital babe." I asked as I sat up at the edge of the ベッド "what happened?" He 発言しました "the doctors don't really know yet! They just ran some tests down to the lab! They 発言しました あなた could have collapsed from dehydration; but then I told them how much stress あなた have been putting on yourself lately! They are pretty sure that that's what caused あなた to pass out!"

A female doctor came into the room and shook my hand. She sat down in a chair and 発言しました "it seems like the stress you've been under is really affecting your health! That's もっと見る than likely what caused あなた to black out. If あなた don't mind, I'm going to ask あなた a few questions." I rubbed my eyes and 発言しました "go ahead." She asked "have あなた been sleeping okay?" I 発言しました "yeah; nothing out of the ordinary." She asked "what about eating?" I 発言しました "just my typical foods that I eat while preparing for my tour." She asked "how far along are you?" I 発言しました "with the tour; this is the very first concert." She 発言しました "no, no, not with the tour. How far along are you?" Kyle and I looked at each other in confusion and I 発言しました "I'm sorry; I don't quite understand what you're asking me." She asked "how far along is the baby?" Kyle and I asked in unison with completely confused looks on our faces "what baby?" She 発言しました "I'm sorry; I thought あなた knew that you're pregnant!" Kyle laughed and sarcastically 発言しました "yeah right doctor; stop messing with us! I can't get Alanna pregnant; I'm sterile!"

The doctor passed me a piece of paper and written on it was "pregnancy: positive." I whispered as Kyle continued to laugh because he thought she was joking "the 5% chance." Kyle asked "what did あなた say AJ; sorry I was laughing too hard to hear you?" I 発言しました "the 5% chance! IT'S THE 5% CHANCE THAT あなた COULD GET ME PREGNANT; that week before クリスマス when I was crying and we almost got into a fight; IT WORKED!!!!" Kyle turned white as a ghost and stuttered as he 発言しました "wait – we had sex – but – how – it's not supposed to – oh my God!!!" His eyes rolled back in the back of his head and he fell to the ground with a thud.

When he came to, I looked down at him as I held his head and he 発言しました "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!!! Is this for real? Is this really happening? ARE あなた REALLY PREGNANT AJ?" I nodded my head and 発言しました "yes; I really am pregnant! もっと見る importantly though, FRANK HAS TO POSTPONE THE TOUR until after the baby is born!"