Chapter 5
January 10, 1998,
Dad walked inside the house and Grace asked “how did the 検索 for a school for Alanna go?” He sighed as he took off his sunglasses and 発言しました “I am もっと見る concerned the paparazzi waiting outside the school all 日 just to get a picture of her!!!” She asked “so what’s your plan B?” He 発言しました “I wanted her to be around kids her age but; I guess homeschooling is the only choice.”

I walked into the room and 発言しました “hi daddy; am I going to start school soon?” He 発言しました “not until 次 年 silly!!!” He looked over at Grace and 発言しました “even the teachers didn’t treat me like they would any other parent. They treated me like a superstar….think of how they would be if AJ was in their classroom and all just because she is my daughter!!!” Grace 発言しました “yeah; homeschooling seems like the best fit.”

Dad walked up to me and asked “do あなた want to have school here with me AJ?” I 発言しました “I want to have classroom though daddy!” He 発言しました “we’ll set up one in a spare room for あなた and when Prince gets old enough he’ll have school in there too!!” I 発言しました “okay then.” He asked “where’s my hug?” I pulled away and 発言しました “I don’t want to!!!” I went into another room and he 発言しました “I think she’s mad at me!” Grace 発言しました “she’ll forget about it によって the time kindergarten comes; don’t worry about it Michael!!!” He 発言しました “I tried…I really wanted her to go to a real school!!!”

February 13, 1998,

Today is Prince’s 1st birthday and Dad invited my grandparents over. によって the time they arrived I was already going crazy because of all the キャンディー I had eaten. Dad hugged both of them and we all sat down at the table. Dad passed Prince to grandma and she 発言しました “hi birthday boy!!!” Dad 発言しました “it was so cute, yesterday he walked for the first time!!!” I kissed grandma on the cheek and she 発言しました “wow; and AJ will be 4 years old 次 month!!!” He 発言しました “that makes me want to cry…4 years old!!!” I hugged him and 発言しました “I 愛 my daddy!!!” He 発言しました “I have to give あなた your medicine.” Grandma asked “what does she need medicine for?” He put the pill in my hand and 発言しました “she has ADHD.” She 発言しました “oh wow; I can’t believe that and the behavioral issues!!!” He 発言しました “she is defiantly a handful; but I 愛 her just the way she is!”
I walked over to Prince and 発言しました “I 愛 あなた brother.” Grandpa asked “are あなた ready to have three kids Mike?” Dad 発言しました “it probably won’t sink in that there are three of them for a few weeks.” He lit the candles on Prince’s cake and asked “AJ do あなた want to blow out the candles for Prince?” I 発言しました “yes; because he’s just a baby.”
Afterwards, Dad gave Prince a piece of the cake and he started to eat it. Prince 発言しました “Dada” and I stood 次 to his highchair. While dad was trying to take a picture of us Prince smeared his frosting covered hand all over the side of my face. All of us laughed as I jumped back and dad 発言しました “good thing あなた have really short hair AJ, it will be easy to get it out of your hair!!!” He looked at me as I was about to sneeze and 発言しました “oh no!!!” I sneezed all over the front of my シャツ and he sarcastically 発言しました “that’s great….frosting mixed with snot!”


April, 3, 1998,

Dad hand just gotten ホーム after my sister Paris’s birth and was feeding her. I walked up to him and 発言しました “she’s cute daddy!” He 発言しました “I know, look at her tiny toes.” I sat down 次 to him and asked “how come she had blood all over her when あなた brought her home?” He 発言しました “well; I didn’t want anyone to take a picture of her and sell it for money.” I asked “what was it like when I was born?”
He 発言しました “I was so happy when I saw あなた for the first time, I started crying! For a newborn baby あなた had a lot of hair. When あなた opened your eyes and I saw that they were the same color as mine it made me so happy.” I asked “who is my mommy?” He paused to think and 発言しました “you don’t have a mommy.” I 発言しました “oh, okay.” I walked away and he took a sigh of relief. I think Dad knows that there will come a point where that whole あなた don’t have a mommy thing won’t work anymore and he is going to have to tell me! He stood up and kissed Paris on the forehead.

April, 5, 1998,

I was in my bedroom when Dad yelled “it’s time for ディナー AJ!” I walked downstairs and sat at the table. He put a plate in front of me and I asked “why did あなた give me potatoes?” He gave Prince a bite from his plate and 発言しました “because あなた need to eat them.” I 発言しました “I don’t want too!” He 発言しました “you’re going to eat that AJ!” I started to wine and asked “why?” He 発言しました “because I 発言しました あなた need to!” I gave him an angry look and he 発言しました “go on…eat.” I pushed the plate away and 発言しました “I don’t want it daddy!” He took Paris out of Grace’s arms and 発言しました “I don’t care Alanna, you’re eating those potatoes!” He took the plate and put it back in front of me.

Dad went upstairs to put the 赤ちゃん to ベッド while I sat at the 表, テーブル staring at the food. Then he sat down 次 to me and asked “why don’t あなた want them?” I didn’t say anything and he 発言しました “it tastes just like French fries.” He fed me a bite and 発言しました “see it isn’t bad!!!” I asked “do I have to eat all of that”?” He 発言しました “I’ll make a deal with you; three もっと見る bites and あなた can be finished.” I reluctantly ate my last few bites and he brought over a cookie. I 発言しました “they did kind of taste like fries!” He smiled and 発言しました “it’s time for bed, let’s go.”

April, 12, 1998,

Dad had just come downstairs after taking a nap and was surprised that it was calm. He walked into the living room and saw that my face was pale. He asked “Grace; what’s wrong with AJ?” She 発言しました “I’m not sure!” He picked me up and asked “what’s a matter Alanna?” I looked at him and gave him a hug. Grace 発言しました “maybe she needs to go to the bathroom!” I shook my head no and he 発言しました “you have to tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”
Before I had the chance to answer, I threw up all over him. Grace ran to grab some paper towels and Dad started to gag. He took off his シャツ and 発言しました “it’s okay Alanna; we’ll clean it up!!!” I 発言しました “daddy I want to take a nap!” He 発言しました “you have to take a bath first.” I 発言しました “okay…I don’t feel good!!!” He 発言しました “I know honey; just go upstairs and wait for me.” I 発言しました “I want あなた to carry me up there daddy!” He picked me up and took me upstairs. I 発言しました “I’m sorry that I threw up daddy!” He 発言しました “don’t be sorry, it’s not a big deal!!!” I asked “then why were あなた going to puke?” He 発言しました “it’s been a long time since I’ve had to clean that up.”

April 13, 1998,

It was 9 o'clock in the morning and dad came in my room to wake me up. I was still fast asleep when he walked up to my ベッド and sat down. My eyes opened and he asked "how do あなた feel? Do あなた still feel sick?" I 発言しました "yeah; but I don't want to throw up again." He 発言しました "I know あなた don't, I want あなた to get better soon!" I 発言しました "I wish あなた would let me eat something because I'm really hungry daddy!" He sighed and 発言しました "if I give あなた something other than スープ to eat あなた are going to get sick again." He kissed the 上, ページのトップへ of my head and walked out of the room.

I sat in my room watching 映画 and drifting in and out of sleep while dad was downstairs with my brother and sister. Every once in a while he would come up to my room to check on me but, I really started to feel lonely. I must have watched 20 ディズニー 映画 over the course of two days. Grace spent most of her time doing laundry and washing dishes. I know that I was sick but I started to feel as if they had forgotten about me and I started to wonder if I would ever get better. I am only four years old and to me two days fell like an eternity!

April 16, 1990

I'm feeling much better than I have been these last few days and I was definitely getting back to my old ways. In a way, I think dad liked having a break from my usual antics. I was up in my room for so long that when I was allowed to come back downstairs it was like someone had pumped me full of sugar because of all the energy I had. Between the two of them; Grace and dad wanted to rip their hair out because of me.

I was sitting on the ソファー, ソファ just as dad was carrying Prince downstairs after his nap and he put him on the ground 次 to my pile of Legos. I saw him starting to play with them and I decided that I would play with him too. I started to build a house and all the sudden Prince took the blocks that I was about to use and wouldn't let me have them back. Dad was looking the other way so I hit Prince over the head with one of the large red Legos that I had in my hands. Dad looked over to see what was going on and took the block away from me. He 発言しました "you know that's not nice, he's just a baby, he doesn't know any better!" I 発言しました "but I had it first daddy!"

He picked me up and put me back on the couch. He 発言しました "I'll read あなた a book while Prince plays with the Legos. I 発言しました "you mean while he plays with my Legos!" He 発言しました "things aren't just yours anymore あなた have to share with あなた brother and sister when she gets old enough! Don't call things just yours because nothing is just yours anymore!" I 発言しました "but あなた bought those before Prince was even born so; they are mine if あなた think about it!" He 発言しました as he sat down "I'm not going to argue with あなた about sharing, that's just how it's going to be and that's that!" I started jumping up and down and accidentally kicked dad in the back of the head. He looked at me and 発言しました "listen; I realize that you've been up in your room for a long time and that あなた are excited to be out but… あなた need to call down!"

May 22, 1998,

Earlier today dad asked me to come with him somewhere, so we got in the car and one of the bodyguards drove us to a lake. Dad helped me get out of the car and we sat down at the water's edge. I asked "what are we doing here?" He 発言しました "I know I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with あなた since Paris has been born so, I thought we could just come here and talk for a little while."

I still haven't made the connection between us talking and why going to the lake was so significant. He looked over at me and asked "so how's life?" I 発言しました "okay I guess, I 愛 my brother and sister but sometimes, I just wish it was me and あなた again. He 発言しました "you know one thing you'll always have that your brother and sister won't?" I looked at him puzzled and asked "what?" He 発言しました "you'll always be my first born! The first one I ever fed, the first diaper I ever changed, and the first one I ever send to until they fell asleep." I 発言しました "I 愛 あなた so much daddy!" He 発言しました "I'll always 愛 あなた more!"

April 20, 1998,

Today is Easter Sunday and we had already gotten up. I was looking through my Easter basket when dad 発言しました "I want あなた to go out into the backyard and see what's out there for you!" I walked up to the sliding glass door and couldn't believe what I was looking at. There was a giant blowup bouncy 城 held up によって stakes in the ground. I looked up at him and 発言しました "that's so cool! Can I go jump in it?" He opened up the door and 発言しました "go-ahead!"

I ran outside and climbed inside the bouncy Castle. There were pink, blue, and yellow plastic Easter eggs scattered all over. I started to open them up and every once in a while I would come across an egg with quarters または one dollar bills inside them instead of pieces of candy.

While I was jumping around inside the bouncy house dad walked up to the doorway and took his shoes off. He asked "do あなた mind if I come in?" I 発言しました "come on daddy!!!" He climbed in and took off his fedora hat. I 発言しました "hey; your socks don't match." He 発言しました "yeah I know, I did that on purpose!" There was a バスケットボール, バスケット ボール hoop hanging on the ウォール and dad tossed foam basketballs into it. He picked me up and asked "do あなた want to slamdunk one of them?" I 発言しました "of course I do… That's awesome!" After I threw the ball in I hung on to the hoop suspended in midair for a few seconds.

May 1, 1998,

Ever since Prince has been able to walk he has been getting on my nerves. Before then I didn't have to worry about sharing any of my toys with anyone but; now Prince is always getting into everything. I try to be as patient as possible with him but after a while of him taking toys away from me I start to get irritated. Unfortunately every time I start to get mad dad shows up at the wrong time, which of course makes me look bad.

I was in the play room with Prince watching a movie and playing with my action figures. Prince wanted to grab one of them and that just so happened to be my お気に入り one. I 発言しました "here Prince あなた play with this one instead!" I passed it to him and he threw it across the room. He insisted on having the one that I was playing with but I refuse to give it to him and that's when dad showed up. Dad asked as he knelt down to my level "why aren't あなた sharing with him?" I 発言しました "I was trying to buy a he didn't want to use any of them besides the one I was playing with already!" He looked down at the バットマン figure I was holding and 発言しました "if あなた let him play with it for a little while あなた can have it back because he has to take a nap soon!"

After he had brought Prince upstairs to take a nap, he came back down and sat in the living room with me. He 発言しました "listen I know あなた don't like to share with Prince but, he's still a baby and he just wants to be like あなた because you're the older sister!" I 発言しました "but he doesn't know anything about 星, つ星 Wars, Batman, and Spiderman because he's too little so; I can't really play action figures with him." He 発言しました "yeah but あなた could teach him about all that stuff! That's the cool thing about having a little brother. I asked "can I watch the 星, つ星 Wars, Batman, and Spiderman 映画 with him?" He 発言しました "maybe 次 year; I think he's too young right now… It might scare him." I asked "you mean the bad guys, like the Joker?" He 発言しました "yeah; あなた used to be scared of him too!"


May 6, 1998,

I went looking for dad because I couldn't find him. Grace was busy trying to get Prince to go to sleep and trying to make sure that he didn't wake up Paris. First I ended up checking in dad's bedroom to see if he was watching TV but; he wasn't in there. Then it dawned on me check the recording studio that dad had installed on the ranch. I normally wasn't allowed to go down there without asking but, I really missed him and wanted to see him.

I walked down the paved pathway and into the recording studio. I knocked on the door before I walked in and he told me that it was okay to come in. I sat down on a swivel office chair and he asked "what's up AJ?" I 発言しました "I'm really bored; I want something to do!" He 発言しました "well; あなた could clean your room, like I have been asking あなた to do for weeks now!" I 発言しました "I have too many toys and my room is too big! I can’t clean all that up によって myself!" Dad asked "so you're going to leave me to clean up your mess, like あなた always do?" I didn't answer him but I think he knew asking me to clean my room was almost like mission impossible because of my oppositional defiance disorder and ADHD!"

I asked while trying to change the subject "what are あなた doing in here anyways?" He 発言しました "I'm working on some new music." I got up from the chair that I was sitting in and went over to the soundboard. I was about to touch one of the buttons when he 発言しました "oh no あなた don't want to touch that because it could mess up all the work I've been doing!" I 発言しました "I hope it'll be a while before the CD comes out because I want あなた to stay ホーム for a long time and not go anywhere!" He 発言しました "don't worry; I don't have any plans of going anywhere soon!"

About 20 分 later; Grace frantically swung the door open and 発言しました "there あなた are… I've been looking everywhere for あなた AJ, あなた should've told me あなた were going to come down here! I had no idea where あなた were!" Dad looked at me disappointed and 発言しました "this is a big place; あなた could've gotten lost! あなた need to tell us before あなた go anywhere! I want あなた to go to your room and think about what you've done!" As I walked away with my head slumped down dad 発言しました "I'm sorry Grace, I had no idea she didn't ask あなた to come down here!" She 発言しました "it's all right; I figured あなた didn't know. I came downstairs and was going to make her lunch but, I couldn't find her anywhere! She has never gone anywhere without asking for permission and none of the other staff members had seen her! I was only upstairs for about 15 分 before she disappeared! That really scared me; this place is really big she could have been anywhere. I could of been searching for hours and still not have found her!" He nodded his head and 発言しました "next time I'll make sure that あなた know where she is!"

June 7, 1998,

Dad was sitting in his study 読書 a book when there is a knock at the door. He looked through the peephole in the door and was shocked to see Joseph standing on the other side. He slowly opened the door and asked "why are あなた here? I didn't invite you!" He 発言しました "I thought I would come to visit あなた guys because I haven't seen あなた in a while!" Dad reluctantly let him inside and they sat at the breakfast table. I didn't know that my grandfather was here and ran up to dad to ask him a question.

I remember Joseph looking down at my short haircut and saying "why is she dressed like a boy Michael?" I looked up at him and dad 発言しました "she's a tomboy; that's what she likes to wear! あなた don't have a problem with that do you? I asked "can I please have something to eat?" He 発言しました "in a little while okay? Dinners going to be ready soon and I don't want あなた to ruin your appetite." I ran off to play in the other room and Joseph 発言しました something that I'll never forget! He asked "she's the bad one; right?" Dad got very defensive and 発言しました "first of all she not a bad kid, 秒 of all… Don't あなた ever talk that way my one of my children again!"

Joseph got up from his chair and arrogantly asked "why; what are あなた going to do about it Michael? You're the one setting your kid up to be gay!" Dad bit his lip and 発言しました "just because she likes boy’s things and dresses like a boy; doesn't mean she's going to end up being gay and even if she was… I would be supportive, I will be there for her and I would 愛 her for who she is! あなた shouldn't be talking about being able to 愛 your kids because all あなた ever did my entire childhood was use me for money and work me until I couldn't handle it anymore!" Joseph 発言しました "I was a good father to you, if it wasn't for me あなた wouldn't be where あなた are today! If あなた ask me; all that kid of yours needs is a good beating just like I used to give you. If she was my kid I would have put her in her place a long time ago! Instead あなた raise her to be out of control and spoiled! She's going to end up just like you… an ungrateful child!"

I looked around the corner and all of the sudden dad had punched Joseph as hard as possible he could; knocking him to the ground! I knew he had punched him hard because あなた could hear the sound of dad's fist hit Joseph's face! The look on Joseph's face was priceless. I don't think he could comprehend how hard dad had actually hit him. I didn't even think dad had that in him. I know dad wouldn't have done that if it hadn't had anything to do with one of us!

Then dad looked down at Joseph and 発言しました "I'll be proud if my kids end up like me because I'm a good person and I put people before myself. As for any of my children turning out spoiled; I teach them that money is not important! I teach them to 愛 people, for who they are, not what they have または what they could take from them! I know AJ may not be the most well behaved kid out there but; I will 愛 her for who she is and I will never stop loving her because she's my child and あなた should 愛 your children unconditionally no matter what they do! I don't have to nor will I ever lay one single finger on any of my children other than in a loving way! I don't ever want any of my children to be scared of me in any way because I know exactly how it feels to be scared of your father… And get the hell out of my house before I 表示する あなた what a real beating feels like!"

I was so surprised see this side of my father; he is a lover not a fighter. All I thought about him in that moment was that he was a real-life スーパーマン and I'll never forget that! I don't think dad ever knew that I saw him パンチ Joseph. If he knew that I was standing right there I know he wouldn't have done it!

June, 30, 1998
Today's been a good day; I haven't gotten in trouble once. These days are few and far between but, as あなた can imagine dad is relieved! It shocked him this morning because he didn't have to wake me up this morning like he normally does! Even though I'm four years old I like to sleep in and if someone wakes me up before I'm ready it throws off my whole day!

I was outside near all the amusement park rides and dad was fixing the laces on Prince's shoes. Dad 発言しました "come here Alanna please." I walked over to him and he 発言しました "I can't believe how good あなた are being today! Do あなた want to go swimming?" I 発言しました "no; I wish we to go to the movie theater!" Dad 発言しました "will have to make a plan 次 week to go see a movie. I asked "why can't we go now?" He 発言しました "because if we leave now all the ファン will block the streets and it will be dangerous. I don't want あなた to get hurt!" I 発言しました "I just want to do something fun!" He 発言しました "we can do something fun; we just have to do it here… at least for now. I'm really sorry; I wish it was that easy to go out but; あなた could always go to the 映画 with Grace!"

My father's famous and that has always been hard on me. There are もっと見る days when I just wish that I could go out in public with him without wearing a mask! I think after I turned four years old I started to realize that even though he tries his best, we don't have a normal life and we'll never have normal life! I know it's not his fault so I never complain about it but; I always wonder what it would be like if he wasn't Michael Jackson the superstar! Don't get me wrong; I 愛 my life, sometimes I just wish he wasn't as 人気 as he is! Even if he was still a superstar, we could still somewhat enjoy doing things that most parents do with their children! I do 愛 my life though because let's face it; what kids wouldn't want a zoo in their backyard?

September 5, 1998,

I woke up this morning and dad was in my room. He asked "are あなた excited because tomorrow is your first 日 of school?" I 発言しました "yeah; I still kind of wish that I could go to school with other kids instead of staying home!" He picked me up and 発言しました "I know that but; it safer if あなた stay home. It will be fun; I promise あなた that!" He put me down and 発言しました "I got あなた something; hanging on it me go get it in my room."

He came back and passed me a plastic bag. He 発言しました "go-ahead; open it!" I looked inside and pulled out a Spiderman backpack. I 発言しました "this is the one that we saw at the store that I asked あなた for!" I opened it up and inside was a whole bunch of notebooks, with a pencil case and folders. I hugged him and 発言しました "thank あなた so much!" He 発言しました "you're welcome; does that help makes the idea of school here at the house a little もっと見る fun?" I 発言しました "just a little bit, but it is cool!"


September 6, 1998

The teacher that dad hired to homeschool me showed up a few hours 前 and she was testing me on different skills. Then she opened the door and told me that we were finished. She looked at dad shocked and 発言しました "I can't believe it; that's so unreal!" He looked at her and 発言しました "why; what happened?" She 発言しました "I know that you've been teaching her to read early; but I didn't expect that! I passed her a book that she'd never read before and she tested at a 秒 grade 読書 level! In my opinion; she is actually better than most 秒 graders!" Dad 発言しました "I knew she could read but; I didn't think she could read 本 made for an eight-year-old! She's only a few months away from being five… That's crazy!"

I looked up at dad and asked "did I do good?" He smiled and 発言しました "better than good!" The tutor's name is Mary and she 発言しました "I guess I'm going to have to buy some bigger 本 for her to read! I didn't come as prepared as I thought I did!" Dad 発言しました "I guess having her sound all those words out when I would read her book paid off! How did the other tests turn out?" She 発言しました "she is average when it comes to math and I was surprised to see that she knew the names of all the planets. She doesn't know which name belongs to which planet but half the time I don't even remember myself!" Dad looked stunned and 発言しました "I knew she was advanced for her age but; I didn't know she was that far ahead!" She 発言しました "I think it would be better if she did this thing called "self-taught teaching" because she can read so well!" He asked "what's that?" She 発言しました "basically; あなた give her one of these workbooks and she fills them out によって herself. It will help her learn the information better if someone isn't teaching it to her because she's teaching it to herself!" He asked "so are あなた telling me that in all reality she doesn't technically need a teacher?" She shook her head yes and 発言しました "just as long as there's someone here to help her if she has a question. I really don't think she needs me here; plus with her ADHD it will help her learn to focus!" He 発言しました "well; okay then, I guess I'll call あなた when my other two kids are old enough for school!"

After Mary had left dad looked down at me and 発言しました "you're such a smarty-pants! I have to go find out where to get those workbooks from?"