Ok.... I haven't been posing regularly, because of the holidays, so I'm going to give あなた this loooooooooooooooooong chapter now :)
And you're probably asking yourself 'Does Hilly have some hidden agenda?'
The answer is,
yes.
Well... I'm not going to be ホーム for few days... I'm gonna miss PCAs *sigh* and I'll be back for the weekend I think... または possibly before.
I hope あなた understand...
Now... I hope あなた enjoy 読書 this chapter, although I cried while 書く it....
And yes, I cried to the 前 chapter as well.. It doesn't hurt only あなた guys... *sigh*
Who would have thought being a 雌犬 would be bad for me as well XDDDD
Anyways...
Here, chapter 21



Chapter 21 : Help me


Lying in his bed, eyes filled with tears, Hugh tried to realize what exactly had happened with his life. Just four months before, he had been happy when he felt his kids shift inside Lisa's belly under his touch. Just four months before he had been thinking about how incredibly happy he had been for Lisa having twins.
Just four months before he'd never thought he would run away from everything that he had.

Now, in Los Angeles, there were two newborns with half his DNA and he wasn't there for them. He had no idea what they looked like, または who they resembled more.
He had no say in their names either. Annabelle and Hannah. Those were some really beautiful names, but the fact that he hadn't been the one to pick them, hurt him like never before.

What was wrong with him? Why did he have to escape happiness? Every time his life was going well, he'd found a way to screw it up. It was like he'd told himself some time long before that he could never be happy.
He was such a pessimist. He was such a jerk.

He was ruining his life. He had been perfectly fine with Lisa and the kids, why had he left them?
He had no clue.

Apparently, the press was occupied with the same question. Hugh couldn't believe the amount of 記事 there were on Hugh leaving pregnant Lisa.
But they couldn't 確認 it, as far as Lisa had told them, Hugh was only visiting family in England.
She had tried to speak as little as she could about what had been happening.

Hugh scoffed. Even she, even she had been so thoughtful not to ruin his career. With what had he deserved her thoughtfulness?
She was such a wonderful person and he had let her down. He had mutually let down his … five kids.
What was wrong with him?

As he asked himself that, he made a conscious decision he would have to work things out. If he was about to ruin his life, he wasn't going to ruin the lives of the two little ones that needed him as no one else at that time.
However, he had to help himself before he could be there for his kids.. and Lisa.

Two weeks later

“Hugh? Continue please” the therapist told Hugh, who was sitting uncomfortably in the stiff chair.
Hugh couldn't have thought of a different way to help himself other than get some help. He had never been to therapist before, not によって himself. He and Jo had gone couple of times when their marriage had been compromised. It had helped, to a certain level, and from there, they had had to work on their marriage によって themselves.

Hugh had spent 前 時 talking about what had been bothering him. It was so hard to get the words out of the system. He'd never been someone who shared every bit of his life with someone else.
But he had no one else to help him but therapist. Even Steven had let him down, または もっと見る of had left him on his own, once he'd heard Hugh had fled the country to escape from his family, his life.
Hugh had begun to realize how low he'd fallen in his best friend's eyes and he felt as small as never before.

“I don't know what I want... I know what I should do... But I don't know what I want of my life” Hugh spoke somewhat small as he continued with spilling every detail of his life that had been bothering him.
He'd started seeing the therapist a week before.
He'd started talking about the problems he and Jo had had before she'd died. Continued with her sudden death.
Now, he was on his marriage to Lisa.
Therapist was very helpful. He helped him realize some things he was never aware of.
And every of his problems was based on the fact that he was always in the need and he couldn't put up with having to be needed.

It had all started with Lisa trying to get pregnant. That had been the first time in such a long period, that someone else, not Hugh, had been in need. She'd needed him so much, and that was the first that started bothering Hugh.

Therapist agreed. Hugh knew what he should do and should have done in his life. He should have been there for Lisa when she'd needed him. When she'd ロスト their baby - he had been there.
He should have helped her when she had been depressed with the whole getting pregnant situation- he somewhat walked away then, he'd left her to cope on her own, but had quickly come back.

He should have been there for her when she'd been pregnant- he had been there, and then he'd escaped it.

He should be there for the twins, Lisa and the kids.
He wasn't.

“Hugh... but what do あなた need?” the therapist asked catching him off the guard.
“I...” he thought about it for a while
“I need … not to feel like I'm ruining my life, their lives” he scoffed a bit, it was so hard to say that. He had been doing nothing to make his life better.
“Did あなた feel like あなた were ruining your life when あなた were with Lisa?” she asked him, again catching him off guard.

“I... don't know” he let his head fall down. He was an idiot. How could he even think about having his life ruined when he'd been with Lisa. He tried again “I... suppose I was happy” he smiled a bit

“You know where your problem is, Hugh?” the therapist smiled back “You think of happiness as something bad. あなた try to escape it. あなた were unhappy for such a long time that you've gotten used to it. And when the real happiness came, あなた treated it like something wrong, something unfamiliar and unwanted. People only fear of things that they don't understand. For you- it's happiness”
Hugh looked up, a bit startled with the revelation he sort of came to himself, a brief time before.
“You're depressed Hugh” she finished, his voice steady.
“You... You're telling me this is a medical condition? That I can get away from it with meds?” he retorted, confusion still kicking in.
She nodded at his words.
“But... that seems wrong. That seems like an easy way out, like an easy way to say I did nothing wrong, that I was only depressed” Hugh shook his head, he refused to think he hadn't been to blame for 芝居 like he had , he refused to have a medical condition take all credit.
“Hugh... From now on, you'll have to accept things that come easy, cause frankly, they are most of the time, the best” the therapist let him speechless for a while.


I told あなた it was long :P
Feedback is nice :)))))))
and sinnery *wink wink* (:C

愛 あなた :))))))
*can't wait to see 666 up there :D*