ZAYN MALIK 'IN TALKS' TO 星, つ星 IN HIS OWN REALITY SHOW: RIDIC STORY OF THE 日 

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Oh look, another possibly/probably/almost definitely made up story about Zayn Malik, of former One Direction fame.

Yep, this time El Maliko\'s rumoured to be \'in talks\' (love that expression, always sounds so serious) to star in his own reality show. Hmmm yeah OK sure, because he\'s always LOVED the \'intense public scrutiny\' side of being famous. Ahem.

"Zayn is talking to E! and other networks about a reality show that will document his time after being in One Direction and working on his new music," a source told HollywoodLife (go figure).

"It will counter when new music comes out, so it\'s not going to be any time soon, but within the year. Don\'t expect it to come out in 2015".

Oh don\'t worry, we won\'t. Or 2016. Or 2017. Or 2018. Or- well, you get the idea.

It\'s probably fairly obvious by now that we\'re not 100 percent convinced by what ol\' sourcey pants had to say - HOWEVER, we *do* have some ideas for Zayn based reality shows that we would like to share with you, if that\'s OK?

Just like the Kardashians, this would involve the whole family - Trish, Doniya... the entire Malik clan. Zayn is the Kim of the group. Obviously.

, but instead of featuring a group of famous people, this one just features Zayn. More screen time for his wonderful, wonderful cheekbones that way, you see. Actually we\'ll join him too, on second thoughts. Just so he has someone to talk to, you understand. *whistles innocently*

Rejoins One Direction. Every glorious moment is captured in HD.

Essex is so 2013, people - it\'s all about Bradford these days. As this reality show will prove. Will also star other famous Bradford alumni: Labour Party strategist Alaistair Campbell, singer Gareth Gates,

soap star Jennifer Metcalfe and J.B. Priestley, author of iconic play \'An Inspector Calls\'. Yes that last one is dead. He\'ll be a hologram. Edgy.

5. Zouis do The Simple Life (ft. Louis Tomlinson)

Reviving the hit series starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, Zayn and Louis Tomlinson will travel the world, stay with local people, say \'that\'s hot\' a lot, and generally cause chaos wherever they go.

, right? Well this one swaps \'x\' for \'z\' and pretty much just features Zayn sunbathing all day. Ideal, we\'ll be binge watching *that* on a lazy Sunday.

Zayn is a judge. Contestants are challenged to bake various goodies - but there\'s a catch. Every single thing they create in the kitchen must resemble the face and/or body of Zayn.

, but high notes based. Anyone who can hit a note higher than Zayn goes through to live shows. The winner is allowed to sing one line on his new album.

So yeah - any network execs reading, you can have those for free. Just kidding - we want money please, we\'re poor.

Whaddya reckon - got any ideas of your own? Send us a tweet over @Sugarscape please and thank you.

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