*by Stephenie Meyer*



TWILIGHT - chapter 14 - MIND OVER MATTER


A long 分 passed. I listened, not sure if I'd heard the door close. Then Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my ear.
"You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you."
"Darn it," I muttered. My ハート, 心 was crashing in my chest.
He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.
He paused. "Should I sing あなた to sleep?"
"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with あなた here!"
"You do it all the time," he reminded me.
"But I didn't know あなた were here," I replied icily.
"So if あなた don't want to sleep...," he suggested, ignoring my tone. My breath caught.
"If I don't want to sleep...?"
He chuckled. "What do あなた want to do then?"
I couldn't answer at first.
"I'm not sure," I finally said.
"Tell me when あなた decide."
I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.
"I thought あなた were desensitized."
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender... または feesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."
"Yeah, it's an off 日 when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."
He chuckled, and then sighed.
"I've decided what I want to do," I told him. "I want to hear もっと見る about you."
"Ask me anything."
I sifted through my 質問 for the most vital. "Why do あなた do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how あなた can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that あなた do. I just don't see why あなた would bother in the first place."
He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and あなた are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But あなた see, just because we've been... delt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."
I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.
"Did あなた fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.
"No."
"Is that all あなた were curious about?"
I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."
"What else do あなた want to know?"
"Why can あなた read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future... why does that happen?"
I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory... he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the 次 life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
"What did he bring into the 次 life, and the others?"
"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to 愛 passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her... tenacity. または あなた could call it pigheadedness," he chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, または excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."
I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought.
"So where did it all start? I means, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on...."
"Well, where did あなた come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if あなた don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby シール and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal, right?"
"Right." He laughed, and something touched my hair - his lips?
I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
"Are あなた ready to sleep?" he asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or do あなた have any もっと見る questions?"
"Only a million または two."
"We have tomorrow, and the 次 day, and the next...," he reminded me. I smiled, ephoric at the thought.
"Are あなた sure あなた won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be certain. "You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you." His voice had the シール of a promise.
"One more, then, tonight..." And I blushed. The darkness was no help - I'm sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, あなた can ask me anything."
I didn't answer, and he groaned.
"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad あなた can't read my thoughts. It's bad anough that あなた eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
I shook my head.
"If あなた don't tell me, I'll just asume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly. "Please?" Again, that pleading voice.
"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.
"Yes?"
"You 発言しました that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon.... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what あなた were getting at?"
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind もっと見る powerful desires."
"Oh, was all I could say.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder... about あなた and me... someday..."
He was instantly serious, I could tell によって the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
"I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."
"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that... close?"
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that あなた are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill あなた quite easily, Bella, simply によって accident." His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it on my cheek. "If I was too hasty... if あなた one 秒 I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull によって mistake. あなた don't realize how incredibly breakable あなた are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
He waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn't. "Are あなた scared?" he asked.
I waited for a 分 to answer, so the words would be true. "No. I'm fine."
He seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," he sais, his voice light again. "Have you ever...?" He trailed off suggestively.
"Of course not." I flushed. "I told あなた I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know 愛 and lust don't always keep the same company."
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," I sighed.
"That's nice. We have one thing in common, at least." He sounded satisfied.
"Your human instincts...," I began. He waited. "Well, do あなた find me attractive, in that way, at all?"
He laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.
"I may not be a human, but I am a man," he assured me.
I yawned involuntarily.
"I've answered your questions, now あなた should sleep." he insisted.
"I'm not sure if I can."
"Do あなた want me to leave?"
"No!" I 発言しました too loudly.
He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.
もっと見る tired than I realized, exhausted from the long 日 of mental and emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his cold arms.