1. If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores あなた または is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in 愛 with あなた — and あなた are the point of his existence.
2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells あなた to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the 愛 of your life. あなた should stay with him since he will keep あなた 安全, 安全です forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling あなた he will never see あなた again), it is because he loves あなた so much he will suffer just to keep あなた safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your フレンズ and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as あなた keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even もっと見る romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave あなた always come back.
9. Because they come back, あなた should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though あなた have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, あなた should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy あなた something.
11. あなた should use 発言しました male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical または technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while あなた run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what あなた must do.
13. Car theft in the service of 愛 is acceptable.
14. If the boy あなた are in 愛 with causes あなた (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten あなた end up in the hospital, あなた should tell the doctors and your family that あなた “fell down the steps” because あなた are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if あなた sacrifice everything あなた are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills または emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When 書く a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal 情報源 material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making または watching a major feature film, あなた should gleefully embrace the 20 分 of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. ヴァンパイア — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.