1. If あなた are married, and intend to renew your wedding vows, DON'T. あなた will end up divorced.
2. Amnesia is very common. In fact, nearly every time あなた hit your head amnesia will result. AND it's fairly simple to get rid of. Just have people:
A)Take turns hitting あなた on the head again until your memory comes back
OR
B)Have them let あなた wander around, confused, for a few days until it comes back on its own または something else hits あなた on the head.
3. If a friend または member of your family introduces a cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc that looks EXACTLY like them, run in the other direction. They are always EVIL.
4. Do not hire a butler, a maid, または a nanny unless あなた are willing to accept them into your family. Either あなた または a family member will end up falling in 愛 with them. In the case of two または もっと見る of the above living under one roof, prepare for double the 愛 troubles.
5. If あなた have a pet, あなた don't need to train them! They will grow up to perform tricks, save people's lives, and be really really cute entirely on their own!
6. If あなた have a secret, the entire world will know in just 22 short minutes. Doesn't matter if あなた "tell" anyone, somehow everyone will still find out.
7. あなた will dislike the company of (possibly even despise) your in-laws.
7a. あなた will dislike your kid'(s) bf/gf.
7b. 9 times out of 10 they will also dislike you.
8. Twins are a really common phenomenon (both identical and fraternal). あなた can have twins easily with no fertility treatments! Wow, awesome! So if あなた are expecting, don't just eat for 2. Play it 安全, 安全です and eat for 3.
9. If あなた see a pair of handcuffs, don't touch them. Just don't. The keys are always missing. But if あなた do happen to touch the handcuffs, prepare yourself to wind up being attached to:
A)The sibling あなた like the least
B)Someone ridiculous (i.e. hooker, stranger, etc)
C)Someone あなた can't stand
D)All of the above?
This will normally last for around 24 hours.
10. Stag/Hen parties are always, always, always a BAD idea. No elaboration needed.
11. Running into your ex(s), even in a big city, is really common and will always happen when あなた are with your current significant other.
11a. If your ex calls and wants to see あなた DO NOT (i repeat) DO NOT agree to see them again because they will always attempt to get back together with you.
11b. Conversely, if あなた attempt reconciliation they will always be with their significant other. Damn.
12. It is not only easy to meet your お気に入り celebrity, but appearing on their show, 歌う with them, または getting them to assist あなた in some hair brained scheme is also fairly simple.
13. Never buy an expensive vase, desk, lamp, piece of furniture, vest, dress, watch (ok, just don't buy anything expensive at all!) because it will somehow end up broken, lost, または destroyed.
13a. Hint: If あなた have children, they did it.
13b. If あなた don't have children, it's most likely an extraneous family member causing trouble. See #7.
14. If あなた intend to throw someone a surprise party または event of some sort, they will always find out. See #6.
15. Architects, Doctors, Lawyers, TV/Radio hosts, Musicians, and Designers are all very common career choices. Hardly anyone ever becomes a Teacher, Secretary, Clerk, または Accountant. (How boring!)
16. If あなた do something terrible to a friend または family member all あなた need to do is apologize and all will be forgiven. Whether あなた called your sibling a nasty name または cheated on your spouse, they will forgive あなた and life moves on. After all, that's what フレンズ and family do! NOTE: Sometimes, multiple apologies may be necessary.
17. Beware of your neighbors. They are always annoying and generally very nosy. If あなた suspect they are spying on you, it's because they probably are! They never have anything better to do with their time except come over and bother you. Better get used to it!
18. If あなた have a cellar, make sure to check it on a semi-normal basis. Somehow, someone will end up stuck down there (and they'll start losing their minds almost immediately!)
19. If あなた are a teenager, あなた will always get the boy/girl of your dreams to fall for you. It doesn't matter if あなた are the world's biggest nerd and they are the world's biggest hottie; just pursue them for a little while and everything will turn out the way あなた want. (Again, this may take a little time. But don't despair, it will happen!)
20. Never eavesdrop. あなた will inevitably misinterpret the overheard conversation and come to a grandiose and incorrect conclusion which will result in your embarrassment. So, if あなた hear two people あなた know discussing something important, resist the urge to listen in.
Note from the author: The above does not necessarily apply to animated または "mockumentary" sitcoms (i.e. The Simpsons, The Office, Scrubs, Family Guy, Modern Family, etc.)
