Okay first, let me tell you:
DUDEEEE!
Your life truly sucks.
And second:
Welcome!
あなた are in the right place. Now sit down and grab some salt.
Here are some examples to follow from the people who know how to deal with crappy situations the best. Just choose the プロフィール that fits あなた the best.
FIRST PROFILE:
あなた are a strong person, who doesn’t really like chick flick moments または to 表示する your emotions, but that, in reality, is as cute as a teddy くま, クマ (that sometimes gets pissed off) can be?
Well then, lucky you! あなた are just like Dean and あなた have a kick-ass personality!
あなた are really in 愛 with your car, and that’s kind of awesome, since driving a car is a great way of clearing your mind. So since あなた aren’t the biggest planes fan, あなた should drive and drive on your car. And don’t worry about the gasoline price または something like that [it’s not like there’s a oil war out there, and those things are overrated anyways], that’s why the fake credit cards exist.
あなた might get a bit tired of the driving, though (yep, that happens to the best ones, no need to be ashamed). So if that happens, just rent a motel room and make sure that it comes with a vibrating massage ベッド (you may need a lot of coins for this one). Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but there’s no need to be shy. Also, あなた will be alone in the room. Who do あなた think it can be there anyways, your brother? Yea, right. Like he doesn’t have a life of his own. *insert sarcasm note here*
BUT, if your bother is in the room with あなた for some creepy または スーパーナチュラル reason, make sure あなた make as much fun as あなた can of him. That will make あなた happy as hell, I promise. Also, there’s nothing wrong in using his laptop and go visit some cool websites like bustyasianbeauties.com. あなた would be doing him a favor, if あなた ask me. He needs to learn something about real life (so yea, make sure to update his internet favorites). あなた can also get a myspace, I heard that women dig that (Note to yourself: learn what the hell a myspace is).
あなた don’t wanna be closed in a strange and cheap motel room forever, so get out and have some fun. Meet new people. And によって people I mean women and によって meeting I mean getting laid; but it’s all the same right? Just be reaaaally careful with the type of women あなた meet; some of them can be very sneaky and steal a hand of your pocket without あなた even noticing, literally (again, don’t feel bad if that happens, at least she was willing to have animal sex with you).
Just drink some purple nipple shots and you’ll be fine.
Of course all this epic journey should be taken with some old school rock cassettes and pie (LOTS of pie). I heard that mumbling メタリカ it’s a really good way of calming down. And pie it’s just good for your health.
Most of all, don’t forget to have FUN! Go visit some cool places like Hollywood. Who knows, あなた can even bang Paris Hilton (or make sure あなた kill her, so she can’t ruin some ランダム epic tv 表示する – that would be kind of awesome).
Just make sure あなた be careful, あなた don’t wanna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot. So stay away from crossroads, okay?
Final advice: Helping フレンズ is awesome, and あなた are an amazing friend. Just make sure あなた don’t help them too much, または あなた might end up in jail.
And remember, あなた are awesome. And adorable.
SECOND PROFILE:
あなた are smart, open-minded, generous and あなた don’t like when people mess with your stuff? Nobody ever gets your intelligence? Aww well, aren’t あなた a cutie pie! あなた are just like Sam.
People don’t exactly understand/appreciate your smartness (yea, being smart hurts sometimes), so maybe that means it’s time to spread your horizons and meet new people. Just be cautious about who あなた meet, あなた don’t wanna ending up sleeping with someone *really* hairy who can bite (trust me when I tell あなた that those aren’t the type of bites you’re looking for) または someone who keeps offering あなた some weird red bloody thing to drink.
If あなた can’t find someone under those conditions, no worries. Usually even the cheapest motels have porn channels, so It’s all good.
あなた should go out もっと見る often, but あなた also need to collaborate. If あなた go to a ハロウィン party, make sure あなた go dressed up in some costume [SUIT UP!]. あなた can’t go dressed up as yourself – UNLESS あなた are really hot; in that case あなた should UNdressed up and use just a towel around your waist (but I highly doubt that’s your case).
And to be the spirit [lol, excuse my choice of words] of the party あなた just need to charm people with some of your talents, like fairy tales and a couple of magic tricks. That will totally blow them away; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them become speechless after that.
あなた can also invite people for some Pictionary game, because your draws are always so awesome!
If after all of that, あなた still don’t have some friends; damn those people seriously have issues. And who better to acknowledge their pain than you?
....
Yea, I thought so.
This means it’s time to start giving hugs. 表示する those people that あなた are there for them, in the end they are just メリダとおそろしの森 little soldiers, too precious for this world.
....
Didn’t work?
Oh well, I’m not a freaking Angel, so don’t expect miracles.
And who needs フレンズ anyways? Don’t あなた have a brother または something? That will do.
Also, here’s some good news: あなた don’t need anybody to get drunk.
Just make sure あなた don’t drink too much, otherwise, あなた will end up the night hugged to a toilet.
Final advice: Be careful while あなた sleep. Not everybody is nice like you, so be alert または あなた might wake up with some spoon in your mouth. Also, watch where あなた walk on, あなた don’t want to lose a shoe または something.
Make sure あなた take this serious! It’s a very serious matter, we don’t have time for blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, BLAH!
