Your Best 星, つ星 Wars Luke Skywalker Theories 

We gave you what we thought were pretty good guesses as to what twist J.J. Abrams has in store for Luke Skywalker. But some of you exceeded even our imagination.

angusm brought us all down with this impeccably-reasoned, but very depressing, future for Luke:

The explanation is both sad and touching, actually. And a little macabre.

When Chewbacca died of old age, Han was inconsolable. Seeing his friend grieving, Luke secretly recovered the body, skinned and cured it, and started impersonating the dead Wookie. Han, whose eyesight isn’t as good as it once was, was completely taken in. Luke had only intended to give his friend a chance to say a last goodbye to “Chewie”, but Han, having lost his companion once, refuses to let the Wookie out of his sight. Now Luke has to follow Han around the galaxy, acting the part of the smuggler’s dead co-pilot.

So Luke is actually right there in the poster, but disguised.

It’s too spoilery, but here it is for the first time - Cold Open, pan down to the surface of a planet. We see Luke walking down a street, then BAM! He is shot by a blaster held by BB-8. Repeatedly. The opening credits then roll but instead of the normal credit fanfare, the text scrolls over the sound of BB-8 shooting Luke with its blaster over and over again.

Alternate theory - When Han lands the Falcon in this scene, he accidentally gives Luke the old “Wicked Witch” treatment, then steals his sparkly Jedi shoes.

♫UkuleleDan♫ posited that technical difficulties explain it all:

Actually, like the shark in Jaws, his machinery broke so they’re only going to be able to show him at the very end.

Keep the guessing going, everyone. The Force is strong in you.

More Stories of the World's Worst Restaurant Customers

The New Trailer For Star Wars: The Force Awakens Is Here For You To Watch

Once Upon a Time's Version of King Arthur Is a Colossal Dick

The "Science" Behind Today's Plague Doctor Costume

Why Do You Think Star Wars: The Force Awakens Hasn't Shown Us Luke Yet?

Kinja is in read-only mode. We are working to restore service.