Sarcasm is an art. It's one of those little yet big things in life which can only be expressed beautifully when mastered correctly. Though sarcasm may be funny, it may also hurt many people, so use it wisely.
Last week, I decided to collect as many sarcastic and funny remarks as I could, just for the fun of it. So, here's the list! The format of the 一覧 is like this:
1. When someone says, "No"... <--- this is the "situation".
Yeah, right. <--- this is your sarcastic response.
Sometimes, there will be "no situation". あなた should be able to figure out when to use the sentence in italics then.
Without wasting any もっと見る time, here's the list:
1. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh at あなた または pity you.
2. When someone's looking at an object (e.g. his wallet) and laughing...
What, does your wallet tell jokes?
3. When someone does something extremely fast...
あなた taking steroids?
4. When someone says, "I feel so stupid"...
It's okay to feel what あなた are.
5. When someone is spelling something aloud...
Are あなた taking part in a spelling bee?
6. When someone is counting ランダム numbers aloud...
Playing BINGO?
7. When someone says, "Hey, あなた wanna hear a joke?"...
It's okay, you're a joke all によって yourself.
8. Looks like I overestimated the number of your brain cells.
9. When someone says, "I feel so stupid" または something similar...
That's an understatement.
10. When someone says, "I'm so short!"...
* No, you're *quite* tall.
* Cheer up! You're still taller than my sausage dog!
11. Let's say you're looking at a picture on a book, and someone asks, "What's that?!"...
A book. Duh!
12. When someone asks, "Why don't あなた talk to me??"...
* You're not worth talking to.
* Talking to あなた doesn't bring any benefits.
13. When someone tells you, "John is so ugly!"...
Gee, あなた remind me of him.
14. When someone says, "I've a pretty sister."...
Whatever happened to the brother / sister?
15. When someone says, "Hey, do あなた know that (blah) (blah) (blah)"...
Alert the media!
16. When someone says, "Oh, no! I've a pimple! What should I do about it?!"
I've bigger things on my mind to think about than your puny pimple, あなた know.
17. When someone says, "Don't tell me you're gonna tell me your parents" または something similar...
I do have a life too, あなた know.
18. Someone has a weird または funny name...
Gee, your parents certainly have a weird sense of humour.
19. When someone says, "I don't know how to do this."...
Ah, I'm not surprised.
20. When someone asks, "What's happening?!"...
With your IQ, I don't think あなた can understand.
21. You're so dumb your IQ and shoe size are the same.
22. You're so ugly your parents initially wanted to name あなた Rover.
23. Your B.O. is so bad you're classified as a potential biological weapon.
24. When someone delays something...
* That will be the time when あなた get your first grandchild.
* That will be the time when [name] stops doing [something he always does] (e.g. That'll be the 日 when Jack's feet finally smell nice)
25. あなた mean あなた don't know I've a dog?! Didn't あなた look in the mirror?!?! *give a shocked look*
26. Hey, what a coincidence! You've the same name as my dog!
27. Look at someone's eyes, give a surprised look and exclaim, "The eyes... they look like Aunt Camille's (for males) / Uncle Edgar's (for females)!"
28. Let's say Dr. John is a victim of manslaughter. Then, someone comes up to あなた and exclaims surprisingly, "What?! Dr. John got murdered?!?"
No, suicide.
29. Jack is so funny that he's making everyone laugh AT him, not with him.
30. Other than being disgusting, irritating, stupid, smelly, [name all the bad stuff あなた can think of], etc., etc... you're actually quite okay.
31. When someone asks, "Hey, should I 提出する this joke to the magazine?"...
Well, あなた never know. Some low-class species with the same viewpoint as the 作者 might find it funny.
32. When someone asks, "Do あなた think this dress is nice?"...
To say that it's nice would be a terrible lie.
33. You've so many pimples that あなた remind me of the craters of the moon.
34. あなた know why guys / girls don't like you? Look at yourself first.
35. When someone asks, "Hey, are あなた gonna mow the lawn now?" when あなた obviously are going to mow the lawn...
* No *expressed sarcastically*, I'm gonna do it 次 year.
* Then?! Wait for the Winter Olympics??
* No, I'm going to take a shower. Duh!
36. When someone is doing something (e.g. typing)...
Are あなた sure あなた can type?
37. When someone is hogging the stairs...
Hey, does your grandfather own the stairs?!
38. When someone expresses frustatedly, "I'm so stupid!"...
* Being honest is a good thing.
* It's always good to be honest.
39. When someone says, "I feel so stupid"...
We know.
40. When someone plays a practical joke on someone else...
How could あなた do that?! あなた could hurt him, あなた know! Don't あなた know how bad it could've got?! [continue with all the serious remarks あなた can think about until he feels terribly guilty]
41. When someone insults someone else (esp. someone who's disabled)...
How would あなた know anything about him? Maybe when he was young, his mother died, and his dad married a terrible stepmother. Maybe when he was nine years old, he was knocked down によって a lorry, and he ended up in a coma at the hospital. Probably his father had to work long hours 日 and night just to keep him alive. Maybe when he woke up finally, he wasn't ever the same again. [continue with all the pitiful things あなた can think about until the person you're talking to feels extremely guilty...]
42. Ask someone who can't drive, "Hey, are あなた free on Saturday? Can あなた send me to [some place]??" Then, before he gets the chance to reply, あなた say, "Oh, so sorry, I forgot... あなた *CAN'T* drive."
43. When あなた tell someone "I'm 19.", and after thinking for a while, he replies, "So, I guess that you're born in 19xx?"... Gee, they do teach あなた stuff at Taylor's. [replace "Taylor's" with the educational institution your victim is in]
44. あなた look like my grandma's grandmother!
45. When someone keeps referring to someone else as "the guy" または "the girl" または "my friend"...
Hey, doesn't he / she has a name? Even 動物 have names nowadays!
46. When someone insults あなた sarcastically and asks you, "Was that remark sarcastic または what?!"...
No, it's a downright lame insult.
47. When your younger sibling says "My Maths is getting better" または something similar...
Looks like the skills I've passed down to あなた have paid off after all.
48. Gee, the dress she's wearing sure looks nice... but NOT on her.
49. When someone asks, "Why can't I do this?"...
* Maybe it's inheritance.
* Maybe it's in your genes.
50. When someone says, "Hey, let me tell あなた a joke"...
HA HA HA HA HA! VERY FUNNY!
Right now, あなた might be asking, "Where in the world are numbers 51-101?" Well, sorry, but I can't think of any もっと見る sarcastic remarks, mean insults and irritating phrases.
If あなた have any あなた would like to add, please mail me. Don't worry, credit will be 与えられた to all contributors! I'll continue to update this page often.
Last week, I decided to collect as many sarcastic and funny remarks as I could, just for the fun of it. So, here's the list! The format of the 一覧 is like this:
1. When someone says, "No"... <--- this is the "situation".
Yeah, right. <--- this is your sarcastic response.
Sometimes, there will be "no situation". あなた should be able to figure out when to use the sentence in italics then.
Without wasting any もっと見る time, here's the list:
1. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh at あなた または pity you.
2. When someone's looking at an object (e.g. his wallet) and laughing...
What, does your wallet tell jokes?
3. When someone does something extremely fast...
あなた taking steroids?
4. When someone says, "I feel so stupid"...
It's okay to feel what あなた are.
5. When someone is spelling something aloud...
Are あなた taking part in a spelling bee?
6. When someone is counting ランダム numbers aloud...
Playing BINGO?
7. When someone says, "Hey, あなた wanna hear a joke?"...
It's okay, you're a joke all によって yourself.
8. Looks like I overestimated the number of your brain cells.
9. When someone says, "I feel so stupid" または something similar...
That's an understatement.
10. When someone says, "I'm so short!"...
* No, you're *quite* tall.
* Cheer up! You're still taller than my sausage dog!
11. Let's say you're looking at a picture on a book, and someone asks, "What's that?!"...
A book. Duh!
12. When someone asks, "Why don't あなた talk to me??"...
* You're not worth talking to.
* Talking to あなた doesn't bring any benefits.
13. When someone tells you, "John is so ugly!"...
Gee, あなた remind me of him.
14. When someone says, "I've a pretty sister."...
Whatever happened to the brother / sister?
15. When someone says, "Hey, do あなた know that (blah) (blah) (blah)"...
Alert the media!
16. When someone says, "Oh, no! I've a pimple! What should I do about it?!"
I've bigger things on my mind to think about than your puny pimple, あなた know.
17. When someone says, "Don't tell me you're gonna tell me your parents" または something similar...
I do have a life too, あなた know.
18. Someone has a weird または funny name...
Gee, your parents certainly have a weird sense of humour.
19. When someone says, "I don't know how to do this."...
Ah, I'm not surprised.
20. When someone asks, "What's happening?!"...
With your IQ, I don't think あなた can understand.
21. You're so dumb your IQ and shoe size are the same.
22. You're so ugly your parents initially wanted to name あなた Rover.
23. Your B.O. is so bad you're classified as a potential biological weapon.
24. When someone delays something...
* That will be the time when あなた get your first grandchild.
* That will be the time when [name] stops doing [something he always does] (e.g. That'll be the 日 when Jack's feet finally smell nice)
25. あなた mean あなた don't know I've a dog?! Didn't あなた look in the mirror?!?! *give a shocked look*
26. Hey, what a coincidence! You've the same name as my dog!
27. Look at someone's eyes, give a surprised look and exclaim, "The eyes... they look like Aunt Camille's (for males) / Uncle Edgar's (for females)!"
28. Let's say Dr. John is a victim of manslaughter. Then, someone comes up to あなた and exclaims surprisingly, "What?! Dr. John got murdered?!?"
No, suicide.
29. Jack is so funny that he's making everyone laugh AT him, not with him.
30. Other than being disgusting, irritating, stupid, smelly, [name all the bad stuff あなた can think of], etc., etc... you're actually quite okay.
31. When someone asks, "Hey, should I 提出する this joke to the magazine?"...
Well, あなた never know. Some low-class species with the same viewpoint as the 作者 might find it funny.
32. When someone asks, "Do あなた think this dress is nice?"...
To say that it's nice would be a terrible lie.
33. You've so many pimples that あなた remind me of the craters of the moon.
34. あなた know why guys / girls don't like you? Look at yourself first.
35. When someone asks, "Hey, are あなた gonna mow the lawn now?" when あなた obviously are going to mow the lawn...
* No *expressed sarcastically*, I'm gonna do it 次 year.
* Then?! Wait for the Winter Olympics??
* No, I'm going to take a shower. Duh!
36. When someone is doing something (e.g. typing)...
Are あなた sure あなた can type?
37. When someone is hogging the stairs...
Hey, does your grandfather own the stairs?!
38. When someone expresses frustatedly, "I'm so stupid!"...
* Being honest is a good thing.
* It's always good to be honest.
39. When someone says, "I feel so stupid"...
We know.
40. When someone plays a practical joke on someone else...
How could あなた do that?! あなた could hurt him, あなた know! Don't あなた know how bad it could've got?! [continue with all the serious remarks あなた can think about until he feels terribly guilty]
41. When someone insults someone else (esp. someone who's disabled)...
How would あなた know anything about him? Maybe when he was young, his mother died, and his dad married a terrible stepmother. Maybe when he was nine years old, he was knocked down によって a lorry, and he ended up in a coma at the hospital. Probably his father had to work long hours 日 and night just to keep him alive. Maybe when he woke up finally, he wasn't ever the same again. [continue with all the pitiful things あなた can think about until the person you're talking to feels extremely guilty...]
42. Ask someone who can't drive, "Hey, are あなた free on Saturday? Can あなた send me to [some place]??" Then, before he gets the chance to reply, あなた say, "Oh, so sorry, I forgot... あなた *CAN'T* drive."
43. When あなた tell someone "I'm 19.", and after thinking for a while, he replies, "So, I guess that you're born in 19xx?"... Gee, they do teach あなた stuff at Taylor's. [replace "Taylor's" with the educational institution your victim is in]
44. あなた look like my grandma's grandmother!
45. When someone keeps referring to someone else as "the guy" または "the girl" または "my friend"...
Hey, doesn't he / she has a name? Even 動物 have names nowadays!
46. When someone insults あなた sarcastically and asks you, "Was that remark sarcastic または what?!"...
No, it's a downright lame insult.
47. When your younger sibling says "My Maths is getting better" または something similar...
Looks like the skills I've passed down to あなた have paid off after all.
48. Gee, the dress she's wearing sure looks nice... but NOT on her.
49. When someone asks, "Why can't I do this?"...
* Maybe it's inheritance.
* Maybe it's in your genes.
50. When someone says, "Hey, let me tell あなた a joke"...
HA HA HA HA HA! VERY FUNNY!
Right now, あなた might be asking, "Where in the world are numbers 51-101?" Well, sorry, but I can't think of any もっと見る sarcastic remarks, mean insults and irritating phrases.
If あなた have any あなた would like to add, please mail me. Don't worry, credit will be 与えられた to all contributors! I'll continue to update this page often.
