Believing

Well for me i belive in him fully but i don't really do anything anymore. I did a lot of things at the beginning but now i don't know why i didn't got a response または something like that and i i kinda feel uncomfortable now when i sing または talk loudly to him out the window and i don't know why. But i still believe in him and always will be but everytime i see Peter Pan 映画 または 動画 it just makes me sad well i feel excited like wendy and say every line bit then i get sad and cry because i know that is not me and it probably never will be because he will not come but i hope andhope but he never came . And i am giving up my belief in him but i don't know what to do i am 19 now and i hate this life i cant be a grown up and i don't want to but i have no other choice if he doesn't come so i am trying to my best but i really i cant do this much longer. Please if someone can help me then please help me???