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posted by Canada24
#1:
Debbie: RPG's aren't that bad.
(Jon throws "BASICALLY A FACT IN BROAD TERMS" onto screen)
Debbie's Teacher: Spells, poison, battles, maiming, killing?
Debbie: Yeah, but it's all imagination
Debbie's Teacher: IS IT?!
Jon: Is it, Debbie? Well I suggest あなた read a totally real book that has absolutely no poisoning, maiming または killing and it called the Holy Bible an- (pauses, staring blankly as he raises up the Bible) (whispery).. Oh no... that book-that book done got that.

#2:
Jon: We're here to watch, Howling ll, your sisters a werewolf.
Sister: JON! How could あなた say that about me?!
Jon: Whatever, you're going through puberty, it's normal!

#3:
Penny: Drugs can get あなた in big trouble. あなた can go to principal's office, または go to jail.
Jon: There's a pretty big jump between those two.
Penny: あなた can't watch TV または eat pizza.
Jon: I'm out. No pizza? Can't watch TV, can't eat pizza? Go to jail? Can't eat pizza? Won't do 'em.
Penny: Recess is good. Hamsters are good.
Jon: Hamsters are goo...? Hamsters are good? How are..? Penny, you're getting off track.

#4:
Woman: I didn't go around calling myself a farter.
Jon: Well that's probably a good thing, I don't know if あなた wanna go around doing that, calling yourself that.
Woman: In my head, I was a social farter.
Jon: (Puzzled look)
Woman: I only farted occasionally.
Jon: I'm getting uncomfortable, I don't really like this, can we turn this one off?
Woman: And my boyfriend called me out on it.
Jon: And good on him. He's taking it right where it matters.
Woman: I even woke up in the morning craving a fart.
Jon (sarcastically): Nice one guys, sick metaphor. あなた slipped it right in. I can't believe how smart あなた were for 書く that.

#5:
Nitro: ARE あなた READY TO RPG?!
Jon (taking out an RPG-7): Oh, motherfucker, I was born ready!
Nitro: Then let's get ready to RPG!!!
Party: RPG! RPG! RPG!
Jon: Well if あなた say so!
(Fires a rocket at Marcie and Debbie)
(Cue a shout of "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" followed によって a building exploding)

#6:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!

#7:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.

#8:
Jon: Oh, now that's cool I'm jumpin', I'm jivin'... (Vanilla Ice finally appears) Annnnnd, It's gone! It's gone, It's absolutely gone, it's ruined, unsalvageable...

#9:
When Ice's character sees a pretty girl on a horse, he, for whatever reason decides to jump his motorbike over the fence to greet her, scaring the horse enough to knock her off. Understandably enraged that he nearly killed her, she punches him which Ice respondes によって saying ''"what's your problem!?"
Jon: Yeah what's your problem!? あなた 芝居 like I just jumped a fence on a motorcycle making あなた fall off your horse, and nearly break your spine! What are you, some kinda, (draws rectangle with hands) some kinda square?!

#10:
Jon: Agh! I hate it when my computer combusts because my own blood from my blood bag is spilling on my computer AAAAAGHHH! If only there was some way to fix this!
(A hand comes out of nowhere and sloppily slaps flex tape onto the hole)
Jon: Of course! The solution was Flex Tape!

#11:
Jon: FLEX TAPE! Okay, あなた heard about this stuff! I mean, this is basically— have あなた heard of JESUS?! WELL EVEN HE COULDN'T DO AS MUCH AS FLEX TAPE, APPARENTLY!!

#12:
Phil: (grunting with each stab) That's a lotta damage!
Jon: That's a LOTTA DAA MIDGE
Phil: That's a lotta damage!
Jon: That's not that much damage, really, Phil. That's not—it could be worse...

#13:
Jon: Dude, you're number one.
Sergio: No, you're number one.
Jon: No, you're number one.
Sergio: No, you're number one.
Jon (now もっと見る angry): Dude, あなた are number one!
Sergio: No, あなた are number one!
Jon: MOTHERFUCKER, あなた ARE NUMBER ONE!!!
Sergio: [visibly Corpsing] NO, MOTHERFUCKER, あなた ARE NUMBER ONE!!
Jon: I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

#14:
Jon: But anyways, this ウォッカ is very special. Mainly because Dan Aykroyd is uh, 100% butt-fuck insane.

#15:
Jon: (ringing a loud bell) Four 分 and fifty six seconds! That's four 分 and fifty-six 秒 this man took to say the word ウォッカ in this commercial about VODKA!

#16:
Gwyneth: This is the shiiiit!
Jon: Don't curse, Gwyneth-(a train horn goes off in the distance) SHUT THE FUCK UP! Don't curse, Gwyneth.

#17:
In video, guy starts fanboying at seeing Elijah Wood on the plane
Jon: Aw dude, (camera zooms into guy 次 to Elijah) That's a sweet hat!

#18:
Nito (gets disturbingly close to the girls)
Debbie: We're...
Macie: Just leaving:
Jon: Oh hi, Just Leaving, I'm *blows whistle* RAPE!!!

#19:
Ben: That's a fake. That's not my sister.
Jenny: Ben I know those people.
Jon: PROOF!!!

#20:
Vanilla Ice: So what's it like?
Girl: What's what like?
Ice: あなた know, having.. Parents.. Brothers.. All that, stuff.. Y'know?
Jon (dressed as alien): I am simply asking a normal human 質問 out of curiosity not to mine data HUMAAAAANNNNNN!!!

#21:
Jon (singing): BLOOOOOOOOOD DICE! BLOOOOOOOOOD DICE! D&D WILL! GIVE YOU! AAAAAAAIDS! THEN YOU'LL GO TO HELL WITH ALL THE CATHOLICS AND JEWS AND PLAY MAGIC THE GATHERING WITH SATAAAAAAAAAN!!!
(later)
Jon (singing): PLAAAYIN' GAMES WITH AN EVIL WITCH WOMAN "WHO'S DEFINITELY COLLEGE AGE", WAIT, WHY DID THAT GUY JUST BLOW SMOKE OUT OF HIS FACE?! THAT'S WEIRD... When あなた die in the game, あなた die in real life, except ya don't, あなた go back to your dorm and play some GTA V!!

#22:
Dad character: My real name, is Hacket.. James Anthony Hackett, Jimmy.
Jon: Jimbo, Jim-Jar, sometimes down at the pub they'd call me Dan, but my name isn't "Dan". I was once visited によって an alien species. They referred to me as [cue incomprehensible distortion]. I've never been able to unhear または unsee that.

#23:
Jon: We get it, Rareware! あなた used to be cool! Can-can あなた get on with it? STOP!.. STOP IT!.. STOP TAUNTING ME!

#24:
"STOP!!"

#25:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) ヒイラギ, ホリー SHIT!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS 愛 YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN あなた DO THIS TO ME!?!?

#26:
Jon: She's sinking! The plot is sinking! Quick, hire the emergency writers! (tosses a bunch of script pages out the window)

#27:
Jon: ...the fuck am I looking at right now? Am I looking at あなた dreaming about being at the ビーチ while you're at the FUCKIN' BEACH?!

#28:
Jon: And let me tell ya, that's not the only talking cat I got in this house. And no, によって the way, I am not referring to Talking Tom.
(Cut to a picture of Talking Tom and Angela, all with screaming in the background.)

#29:
Phil: Vroom, vroom! Beep '! Beep beep!
Chris: Why do あなた always do that, dad?
Jon: Yeah, dad, every 日 with this shit, I'm sittin' here, readin' my book, あなた waltz in the door make a car noise at me, I'm supposed to like it? (Begins putting on a large bib) Well fuck あなた dad, honestly, if it was a choo-choo train noise, maybe I would laugh, but a car noise? What do I look like to you, some sorta big baby?! (Puts a pacifier in his mouth and starts shaking a rattle)

#30:
Bickering ensues among Tina and Trent (the brother and sister in the film).
Jon (Deadpan): What a big happy family we got here.
Susan: Just help me find my shoes, okay? または I won't feed あなた this week.
Jon: (With additional reverb) What a big happy family we got here.

#31:
After wandering around for the entire movie, Duffy finally makes a contribution to the plot...by immediately getting run over によって a car.
Jon: (long moment of horrified silence) ...Well that cat ain't talking no more, I'll tell ya that much.

#32:
In response to Luther, "like a normal person", handing out flyers to everyone in his office that he isn't doing Christmas, Jon wonders who would actually care. Cut to two employees (one played によって Jon) getting 発言しました flyers.
Employee 1 (Jon): I’m letting あなた know I‘ll be, skipping Christmas… (shakes with tranquil fury, crumbles paper)
Employee 2: (calmly, to himself) Go ahead... Run... But we will find you.

#33:
After Luther (rather rudely) explains why he isn't buying a クリスマス tree,
Jon: Yeah fuck あなた for trying to celebrate the spirit of クリスマス while making my life 安全, 安全です warm and convenient!! (slams down クリスマス tree)
Jon (while pissing on the tree) How's this for a Merry Christmas, あなた bunch a' young innocent children trying to foster a loving community spirit?!

#34:
Luther sees cruise ad, smiles to himself.
Jon (spits) Fuck christmas! I’ll rather drink my own urine than celebrate christmas! (to viewer) Thanks for watching my クリスマス special everyone, be 安全, 安全です (spits)

#35:
Jon: Okay. One.
Jacques: What even.
Jon: I counted あなた in—
Jacques: Go to fucking hell.

#36:
Judge: あなた weren't happy being the youngest. あなた didn't accuss the way things were, role the clip.
Matt in clip: Reality, who needs it, I hate reality.
17 LIFE SENTENCES
5 LETHAL INJECTIONS
10 DECADES OF FAMILIAL SHAMING
Jon: The moral of this story is "Never think, または else the secret police might catch あなた and kill あなた no matter what!”

#37:
Matt: Endorse? Endorse what?!
Jon (as Matt): I thought sports were played outdorse.

#38:
Jon: (cheerfully) Oh, Larry. あなた jus- a- st- you're a fucking asshole.

#39:
Game: This takes place Steptember.
Jon: What a relief, it’s not even the scary month.
Game corrects it to October.
Jon (horrified) OH, DAT'S THE ONE!!!

#40:
Girl in game: From now on, what kind of place will we be living in?
Guy in game: That’s the fifth time you['ve] asked!
Jon: Yeah, well, maybe it'd be the last time if あなた just fucking told me!

#41;
Jon: It's クリスマス time. A time to spend with friends, family, and of course little baby ジーザス over here! How あなた enjoying your birthday, buddy? enjoy it while あなた can, I mean they do some "fucked up" shit to you! Like, they fuck あなた up, dude.

#42:
"What else could ever happen to us, today?”
Jon: Lady, あなた just got turned into a horse! I'm 'onna say sky's the limit!

#43:
"HOW あなた LIVIN' CHICKEN BOY?"
Jon (dressed as a chicken): Well first of all, that insult could've used some work. 秒 of all, the pain and humiliation I feel daily are immense. For someone like あなた to cut someone like me deeper...Well, あなた must have problems yourself buddy, so I feel bad for you. (whips out a nunchuck and begins swinging it around awkwardly) AND HOW FUCKING DARE あなた SAY THAT TO ME I'M GONNA MAKE あなた FOR-REGRET THOSE GODDAMN WORDS!!

#44:
Snow White: This is my song. I am 歌う it now.
Jon: Aw, sick lyrics, dude! Sick song! (Jon pulls a lighter out of his pocket and starts waving it back and forth)

#45:
Jon in Elsa's dress.
THIS WAS A MISTAAAAAKE!!!

#46:
L.O.G.: In line with Banjo tradition, your challenge will consist of collecting as many pointless objects as possible.
(Record Needle Scratch)
Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! あなた JUST HOLD ON A SECOND!
(cut to a fat Banjo running and picking up coins at a horrendously slow pace)
Jon: HAHAHAHA GET IT? BECAUSE BANJO-KAZOOIE WAS TOTALLY "THIS" TEDIOUS! (cut to black) (Jon's voice far away) HOLY SHIT!!!

#47:
Jon; That's not how that works yo- [distorted voice] あなた fuckers. あなた motherfu- I will rain hellfire upon you.

#48:
Jimmy ends up folding and taking the chance to leave during the town hall, five days in. After he left, that's when Karsh decides to bring out the 20 thousand dollar ゴールド 星, つ星 that was the prize for the hardest worker.
Jon: What the hell!? Okay, ''now'' he brings it up? Like the second, the literal 秒 Jimmy leaves he's like "alright, now that that loser's gone, who wants to win twenty thousand dollars!?" Jimmy was robbed. I'm just gonna say it, Jimmy was robbed here.

#49:
An airport attendant asks a man to put his pens in a tray before being allowed to pass through.The man responds によって saying, "Sure," before stylishly taking out a switchblade and violently stabbing and slashing the attendant.
Jon: Dude, あなた could've just put the pens in the tray, let's be real..

#50:
Jon: Real-life situations were off the fucking charts! Can I say fuck? Can I say fuck on this website? Can I say (long censor beep) cunt (short censor beep) breath?
posted by Canada24
I have really long chapters so far.. Trying to get everything out as easily as I can.. Your know I'm all caught up if the chapters get shorter..



One week Later.

Packie MrCreary, who now moved to Liberty City bumps into Connor Parker.

Connor was somehow able to recognized Packie's voice from the robbery in Liberty City, and bagged Packie not to hurt him.

"What are あなた talking about?" Asked an confused Packie.

"You were at bank! With the gun!" Connor cried.

"Jeeze., あなた friggin remembered me!? That's kinda impressive... But anyway. I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise. In fact, wanna make some money?"...
continue reading...
"You sure あなた don't wanna come to my house?" Seras asked.

"Not right now. But maybe tonight, right now I need to check on my dad. See あなた around." Carly replied.

"Fine, be safe." Seras said, stepping into her her army green Bodhi. And drives off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Carly is seen walking alone. While looking though her phone, probably her LifeInvader page. She somewhat unknowingly happens nto a Ballas own street. And she hears a human whistle directed to her. As Carly admittedly wears quite revealing clothes. She just doesn't always think about that....
continue reading...
posted by Canada24
Sarah and Arthur meet Charles, Javier and Trelawny outside of blackwater. They find Sean being held によって a team of bountry hunters, but Sarah doesn't see him, just taking their word for it. Javier says Blackwater is too hot and has pictures of them all, so they have to keep away from the town itself.

Arthur tells Charles to go up to the higher part of the cliff and provide cover fire. Charles goes to do so.

Trelawny dstracts too guards によって pretending to a ロスト soul looking for help. And Arthur and Javier stealth kill the guards with knives. But when trying to sneak there way past others, they get...
continue reading...
Here's a flashback to explain the beginning.. If anyone needs the context..

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So in May 1899, after a robbery goes wrong in the western town of Blackwater, Dutch バン der Linde and his gang, are forced to flee their hideout in Blackwater and attempt to クロス the mountains west to evade law enforcement, leaving their substantial money stash behind, as well as gang member Sean MacQuire.

It's members include Arthur Morgan, a younger John Marston; Hosea Matthews (second in command), Bill Williamson, Javier Escuella; Lenny Summers, Charles...
continue reading...
added by Canada24
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added by Canada24
BECKY! STAB BECKY! STAB BECKY! STAB
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added by Rain_on_me
Guys Just Wanna Have Fun :D
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Just came out :)
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Sally, Franklin and Lamar have parked Lamar's バン outside where D is suppose to be.

"Alright lets get the masks" Lamar said, opening the bag Sally brought.

"Now we ju- wait, what the fuck are these!?" Lamar cried, seeing 3 smiling skull masks, only fit for little kids.

"It's not Halloween, it's the best I could do in short notice" Sally admitted.

"Those aren't scary!" Lamar whined.

"It'll do the trick, now lets get this over with" Franklin said.

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Carly has taken Seras to a resurant/bar that Carly frequents. Both of them just having...
continue reading...
added by Rain_on_me
help me my eyes.... I am losing my vision xD
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just skip where スラッシュ lays down on the pillow... killed me lol
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2013:

My name is Sally Lucia.

And how did may life get to this?

My mother is dead, my father should may as well be fuckin dead. And my sister, she left to Liberty City to avoid dad. I don't blame her. What animal tries to rape his daughter. I told Dash to keep me on email, but rather then that, I never see her anymore.

She says a drug dealer named Elizabeth Torris gave her a job. One of the men even saved her life in an gun fight. Poor guy died in a hospital, she's pretty shaken up. She never ロスト someone before, even when she barely knew him. Only wish I could be there for her. But Dash says...
continue reading...
added by Canada24
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added by Canada24
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added by Canada24
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added by Rain_on_me
♪ ♫ now we've both done things that we regret We could learn to forgive and forget ♪ ♫
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