some of his whitty and most famous jokes all her in this soapbox

A big girl once came up to me after a 表示する and 発言しました "I think you're fatist." I 発言しました "No. I think you're fattest."

Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do あなた know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". あなた might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

When あなた eat a lot of spicy food, あなた can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

A dog is for life not just for Christmas, so be careful at the 次 office クリスマス party.

ジーザス loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other 日 called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...

No matter how much あなた give a homeless person for tea... あなた never get that tea.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol(TM).

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best アドバイス I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

My girlfriend 発言しました she wanted me to tease her, so I 発言しました "Alright, fatty."

grew up in Slough in the 70's, if あなた want to know what Slough was like in the 70's, go there now.

In ピザ Express あなた can get garlic パン with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.

When someone close to あなた dies, 移動する seats.

i hate those e-mails where they try to sell あなた penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.

and this is th last one on this soap box
"Did あなた know you're ten times もっと見る likely to get mugged in ロンドン than New York city? Thats because あなた don't live in new york city"