犬夜叉 Article: My angelic savior

posted by reyfan01

In the high moutnains, a blue eyes 狼, オオカミ demon ロスト in thought is pondering on a boulder looking at the sky. For three years he has been like this. His red headed green eyes wife looks up from afar at her troubled husband. She sighs heavily and pouts turning her back on him with her arms crossed. She knew what he was thinking about. Ever since he never heard from Kagome again, he's been staring at the sky ロスト in memory. He only agreed to marry ayame because he was convinced it was for the best of the tribe. .........ayame remembered Kagome alright. She was so beautiful she truly had green eyes of envy at her. Her raven black, flowing thick locks, big brown doe eyes, long lashes, pure fair skin, rosy cheeks, and a sunny disposition even she had to admit was hard to deny. Koga still loved her. He was lovesick. Kagome had no idea how lucky she was to have Koga in the palm of her hand, and she turned him down. Ayame feels though that perhaps kagomes disappearance will give him time to get over her. //////////////////////////::///////://///::////::;;())()))))a familiar scent all of a sudden hit Koga. He knew that scent! He gasped and ran to it. He may not have the shards in his legs but he was still faster than his tribe. ...............///////////////he stops in the middle of a field and catches the sight of the beauty. Her miko 着物 flowed in the wind with her raven hair, fair skin glowed in the sun. He waited so long to say this name and now he shout it! ................................ "Kagome!" he shouted and ran. He was graced with her heavenly smile. " Koga! Hey! Oh it's great to see u again!" she 発言しました happily with a giggle as he suddenly picked her up and swung her around hugging her. Kagome patted him on the back as he held her tight sniffing her. God he missed this scent! Then reality in the form of a voice came..../..."Get ur hands off her right now wolf!" shouted a fuming golden eyed hanyou. Koga dropped Kagome on her feet as 犬夜叉 tugged her によって the waist and pressed her against his body. Kagome looks up and blushes at her husbands possessive attitude. Koga just scoffs.........................."u don't own her mutt. She can do what she wants". He Said. 犬夜叉 pokes a fang out and smirk evilly with a chuckle. He speaks, " yeah like this"inuyasha grabs her lowerback and presses her even tighter against him. The other hand 塔の上のラプンツェル in her hair and roughly but passionately. Kagomes head falls back as she clings around his neck tangling his hair. 犬夜叉 purposely made her moan out loud for Koga to hear and pulls back lightly proud to see his wife light headed. Yes they've been もっと見る passionate and Kagome enjoys it so. 犬夜叉 is laughing inside as he sees Koga staring open mouthed at the couple. His first love, Kagome was WITH Inuyasha! ..................,,.............,,,,,,,,???????????first NO this is not a Koga x Kagome thing it's Kagome and 犬夜叉 but I wanna really emphasize how much he's nuts about her.

LadyLilith Er... =/ I'll keep my mouth shut. I'll just say that this fanfic needs some work done.

sesshyswind Though I am partial to just go to go with what LadyLilith said -.-…. I will say you could use some work with paragraph definition at the very least. And please get rid of this >///////:://< crap it makes no sense and is an eye sore. There is such a thing as punctuation and the enter/space bar. Otherwise your story is fine and compelling, but if you want fans it will require a being refined.

LadyLilith Ha ha, you were a lot kinder than I was going to be. ;;;

reyfan01 Sorry I was doing this on my itouch and I don't know how to space and indent! Believe me if I could I would! Geez! The first time in awhile I get 3 comments and it's all criticism on something technical gosh! What about the story?

sesshyswind Well your story is ok, it does need some work but otherwise it isn't boring or something people would lose interest in if they can overlook the grammar issues which I understand was partially the fault of an itouch. I seriously have NOOO idea how those things work because I don't have one, so no further comments there. So I won't comment any further on the grammar issue, seeing as from your comment you could have done much better. About the story, personally it wasn't bad, I am not a fan of this triangle, but despite that I was still drawn in enough to read this through and for me that actually says a lot. It's catchy. Your characters are alive, I could feel that, and the dialogue does actually sound like their voices, which is very, very good. You do seem to put a bit of spirit into your ideas, though I will point out one flaw in that and it is that you place a little too much emphasis on who you favor which is obviously Kagome. Putting my personal feelings aside over embellishing a specific character with praise and describing how beautiful and heavenly she is at every turn is a little over bearing even if you agree. Too much praise or description can actually distract a reader from your actual story; make them contemplate more on appearances then what is actually going on. Just a word of advice. To be honest I thought your dialogue for Kagome was the more lifelike and real, though she only said one line it did actually sound like her when my eyes passed over that script. So bravo. Were you planning on continuing with this, I thought it would be interesting should there be a bit of a scuffle between Kouga and Inuyasha like usual? I thought that would be fun to read ^_~ just an idea. :) Oh and sorry about being so bitchy I get cranky when I'm tired and it was like 3 o'clock in the morning when I read your fic so I apologize if I offended you in anyway ><

reyfan01 Wow thank u for the advice. It's nice to hear I'm getting better. To b honest I did this in a rush do it could have been better. Thanks though

reyfan01 No problem I understand. Thanx for the advice