Sitting on her bed, watching her sleeping, House begins to whisper.
-Cuddy, I made things I regret, that あなた may… never forgive, never forget, but… I hope you’ll give me another chance, you’ll give US another chance… because … I cannot live without you, Lisa Cuddy, you’re the only one who always gave me another chance, who always took my side and believed in me even when I doubted about myself … well maybe Wilson too, but not in the same way, I 愛 Wilson of course but I 愛 him like my best friend あなた know, I’m not gay, and House giggles slightly, he feels so ridiculous trying to make Cuddy smile whereas she sleeps and doesn’t hear him. See what あなた make me do? I speak alone, I must look really stupid.
-No, you’re not, House, Cuddy 回答 softly, opens her eyes and looks at him. I liked what あなた said, she adds with water in the eyes. A tear rolls on her cheek, House wipes it away tenderly.
-What did あなた hear exactly? He asks grinning.
-Do あなた really 愛 Wilson? she asks teasingly.
-Hm, I … he’s my best friend and I like him, that’s all, nothing more.
-Really? Because あなた seemed to have strong feelings for him and… I was wondering if …
-Shut up Cuddy または you’re gonna regret it, House 返信 and kisses her softly.
-House…
-Yeah?
-Do あなた really regret what you’ve done?
House looks at Cuddy straight in the eyes and says slowly: Cuddy! あなた know me! I’d never lie to you, he 返信 and raises an eyebrow.
-Where did I hear someone repeat like a mojo “everybody lies”?
-Oh really? Someone 発言しました that? Hm… I guess that’s a wise person, don’t あなた think?
-I’m sorry House if I hurt you, I …
-Shh, Cuddy, we can talk it later, あなた need to rest, he 返信 softly and caresses her cheek. Your tests results should be soon here, he adds and feels concern about her state. Does it hurt anymore?
-No, I’m fine, they gave me some morphine I guess… House nods.
-House, we need to talk, and あなた know it, so why not now? We have nothing else to do!
-Cuddy, I…
-House! Listen to me, please… she says in a low voice, with wet eyes. House doesn’t say a word, he just remains still. I want あなた to know that I felt guilty, I knew I hurt あなた but… last time あなた were stoned when あなた came to me… Are あなた stoned right now? she asks and stares at him.
House stares at her a second, then he turns the head to the window. His eyes are full of pain, he didn’t think Cuddy would ask him that. The 秒 these words came out of her mouth, she regretted them, she saw she hurt House deep, but it was too late. A shot of pain went through House’s heart, he didn’t know what to say, how to react. It hurts of course because it shows that she still doesn’t really trust him, または does she?
-House, I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…
-But あなた did… he replies, still watching at the window. He doesn’t want to look at her, he’s afraid of what he may see in her eyes. What if she really doesn’t trust him? Could they have a future? And what if she finally thinks he’s not worth it? Could he have been so stupid to believe that one もっと見る time she would give him, give them another chance? How many chances did he waste in the past?
-Last time あなた were… how could あなた imagine あなた could have helped me in such a state?
-But あなた didn’t know it when I came to you, あなた understood it only when あなた were out of danger, safe, at your home… when we were sure あなた wouldn’t die…
-House! What if I died! Would あなた have been able to take care of Rachel?
-It wasn’t a problem at this time because あなた chose Julia to take care of her if something happened to you, don’t あなた remember?
-That’s not…
-Yes it is! It means that at this time あなた didn’t trust me! あなた may even have thought there was no future for us! Cuddy looks at him frightened. She never thought it would hurt him that she chose Julia to take charge of Rachel, that he would interpret her choice like a proof of lack of trust in him, in them, in a possible common life.
-I… I thought あなた didn’t want to be responsible for a child… あなた didn’t really seem to …
-To what? To be interested in raising a child? Cuddy nods and stares at him. I admit that at the beginning, I considered her as a… burden, あなた never wanted to stay over at me because of her and… but with time I understood how much she meant to あなた and… so I tried to pay もっと見る attention to her, I coached her for the preschool… and I… I started to like her… we got on well together.
-I … I’m glad to hear it, House. I… I don’t know what to say.
-If I took vicodin, it was only because I wanted to be with あなた to help you, I know it wasn’t smart but… あなた know me… I… I always have trouble dealing with pain, with feelings, with relationships and… あなた might have died, Cuddy! My girlfriend, the woman I loved, the only human being who’s able to make me happy, to make me feel better, might die and I should have been able to deal with this horrible thing alone, to face the possibility to lose あなた and all I won with you, to face the fear to be alone again, without the help of drug? I couldn’t have been によって your side to hold your hand and give あなた some peace, some comfort before your surgery if I haven’t been stoned, with the vicodin I was able to “function”, to play the role everybody was awaiting me to play, including you…
-You’re right, and my subconscious tried to tell me that あなた couldn’t get through this without drug… but if I want to be honest all that mattered to me when I thought I might die was that あなた were with me, I thought a lot about it, あなた can believe me, she says with a little, sad, 苦い smile. What did it matter if あなた were stoned? あなた were at least with me, I wasn’t alone…
-So why, Cuddy? Why did あなた dump me?
-I … I don’t really know, House, I… I think I was afraid of what could happen if あなた couldn’t face such problems without drug, I was scared, I thought I could never rely on あなた for important things… and I needed a man on whom to rely… I have a daughter, I’m responsible for her, I have to give her stability, care…
-And あなた think あなた can give her all this によって being single または with a moron like the guy I saw in your dining room? Who are あなた fooling, Cuddy?
-Please, don’t…
-Yes, I do! House says and gets up, begins to pace up and down in the room. あなた told me あなた weren’t dating anyone, I came to あなた to apologize, to make amend and to see if we could start on square one because I didn’t want to give up on あなた so easily Cuddy, and what did I see? A guy laughing at your side, あなた seemed to like him, あなた were flirting… it… it was disgusting… How do あなた think I felt then? How do あなた think I should have reacted? Should I have just gone away without fighting for you, for us, without 表示中 あなた how much I cared about you, how much I longed for you, for a 秒 chance? Tell me, Cuddy! Was it me? Was it the way あなた wanted me to react?
-House! I wasn’t flirting with him! It was Julia’s idea, she wanted me to get better, she wanted to help me to get over you, she introduced me to that guy and… that’s why he was in my dining room, but we weren’t alone, Julia and her husband were there too, I didn’t really like him but I tried to get over you, I tried to forget you, I tried to 移動する on… I… I didn’t know anymore where I was, what I had to do, I was completely lost, House!
-And I felt so hurt, Cuddy! あなた can’t imagine how deserted, how rejected I felt from the woman I loved! My whole world collapsed the evening あなた dumped me! Even vicodin wasn’t able to soothe the pain I felt then. あなた broke my heart, but あなた broke my soul too.
-And don’t あなた think I felt hurt too? Don’t あなた think I felt betrayed によって the man I loved?
Bibip bibip bibip bibip
-Cuddy!
-What happens? Chase and Taub exclaim as they come in the room.
-Nothing, she’s just a little… tense, everything’s ok, House 返信 and stares at Cuddy. Her face is inscrutable, House can’t guess what she thinks, she looks at the window. Outside she gives the impression to be perfectly calm, but inside she struggles with the pain, the fear and the doubts. She waited this talk since the break up, she knew she should have talked to House, she knew she owed him an explanation about the break up, about her weird reactions, House was reluctant and she was too, they waited too long, they hurt each other deep, and now… ? Now they begin to talk, well もっと見る exactly they argue because that’s just the way they are, they’re two complicated people in 愛 with each other but so “clumsy” when it comes to relationships! It shouldn’t be so hard. They both know so well the other one; they both know deep in their ハート, 心 that they’re soul mates, that they’re made for each other… Even Arlene saw it! She even tried to bring them back together, in a very personal and tricky manner but still…
-Do あなた have the result of the biopsy? House asks.
-Yes, it’s a viral myocarditis probably due to Coxsackievirus B, Chase answers.
-Good, then give her digoxin and diuretics, with Milrinone followed によって ACE inhibitors, House says, feeling better now they know what’s wrong with Cuddy. And that’s curable.
-And add to this special カクテル Azithromycin for the cat scratch disease, Thirteen says.
-What?
-Yes, she also suffers from it…
-That’s explain the Parinaud's oculoglandular syndrome…, Taub adds, proud of him.
-Yeah, あなた were right, congrats, House 返信 sarcastically.
-So now we solved the case, what about having a drink all together? Chase suggests. They all approve of this idea, after all they are on vacation. House, do あなた come with us?
-I…, no, thank you, but my place is here with Cuddy. Enjoy your evening, guys.
After a while of silence, House, who leans against the window, finally turns to Cuddy and says:
-Cuddy, we… I’m not on drug… Do あなた still want to talk?
-House, I … I know I hurt you, I know I told あなた I wasn’t dating anyone because when あなた asked me it was the case…
-You’re sure? He 返信 and stares at her.
-Yes! This guy already approached me at the coffee ショップ but I told him he mistook me for someone else, I didn’t want to 日付 anyone… but you, House. I… I was stuck, House, I tried to 移動する on, I tried to get over you, over us, but the reality was that I couldn’t! The only thing I could think about was あなた and the huge void あなた left in my heart, in my life…
-So why, Cuddy? House says and nears her bed.
-I don’t know! I told あなた I was scared!
-Of what, Cuddy?
-I… あなた were back on drugs, I thought あなた were probably back to the asshole あなた were which wasn’t good for a kid, your leg was probably hurting like hell but あなた didn’t open up to me, あなた never told me anything about you… It was a one-way relationship, House, it couldn’t work, it couldn’t last and あなた know it.
-Oh yes, that’s true あなた opened up to me, I’m the only one who screwed it up, is that what あなた mean, Cuddy? Do あなた really think あなた were completely open to me, あなた told me everything?
-Yes, I…
-No, Cuddy, no! あなた let the things go worse and worse until あなた couldn’t deal with it anymore, then あなた exploded and pushed me away for a while. How do あなた think I felt when あなた closed the door on me and refused me to come in and stay over with you?
Cuddy looks at House, but says nothing, her throat is too much squeezed to speak. House always knows how to hurt her badly with words.
-I felt hurt, but I tried to understand you, I tried to take it upon myself to improve my behavior because I loved あなた and I didn’t want to lose you, I made compromise with myself. あなた had made me a worse doctor but I agreed, I chose you, I chose to be happy with you. And see the result! あなた dumped me!
-But あなた took vicodin, House, あなた took it to dumb あなた because あなた didn’t want to share my pain and my fears, because あなた didn’t want to involve あなた too much with me, あなた wanted to protect yourself because that’s just the way あなた are… she 返信 with sobs in the voice. She feels tears rolling on her cheeks but she doesn’t care. And I need and deserve someone who does care about me, someone ready to share my pain, my fears and my problems, but also someone ready to open up to me, to share his pain, his fears and his problems with me…
-… yeah, you’re right, Cuddy. I took vicodin because without the help of the drug I couldn’t stand the idea to lose you, to be left alone… But I also took it to be with you, to be able to look at あなた one もっと見る time, even if it could have been the last one…
-And now?
-Now? he looks at her, an eyebrow raised.
-Would あなた agree to open up to me? To share our fears, our pain? To definitely give up on drug?
-And you? Can あなた forgive me? Are あなた willing to talk to me about your fear to get involved with a man like me and with all it implies? Because that’s it that scared you… Am I wrong?
They stare at each other silently, their eyes reflecting their strong feelings for each other, the desperate need of each other, but the fear to fail too.
