How could I 移動する on from you? How could I ever forget what あなた felt like and how あなた tasted? How could I forget the touch that sent waves of passion through my being? All those nights that I sank so deep inside あなた and felt the explosions from your body were etched inside my brain and my heart.
I tried to avoid these feelings, to numb them, to fill every moment with something, hoping and waiting for the 日 that I would open my eyes from a night of self medicating, and the pain would be gone. That morning had not come. I had tried to resolve things with “you” to go back to the start. I wanted desperately to let あなた go and to 移動する フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして but when that moment came and I felt あなた slipping away it overwhelmed me and the desperation overtook me. If I let go I will never feel this again. あなた make me alive.
For years I had wanted you. I had waited because I didn’t think it would work. What did I do that had been so bad that あなた were leaving me? Wilson, years prior, had told me I was afraid to change. “I didn’t like myself but I did admire myself.” I had taken the words to heart. I had a gift but if it meant choosing between that gift and Cuddy my choice was Cuddy.
I still remember あなた kneeling at my side and coming to my rescue. I remember how your lips tasted and your body felt. I remember with each 衣服 I removed how it revealed just one もっと見る part of あなた that I wanted to claim as my own. I remember every night that I held you. Every night I made 愛 to you. How あなた felt and how I felt inside you. あなた belong to me. あなた were made for me.
あなた wanted me to talk but it was so we could 移動する on. I avoided あなた for that very reason. あなた 発言しました あなた wanted to know how I felt. Everyone had 発言しました that but they never meant it. They really just wanted me to accept the truth, come to terms with reality and deal with it. They wanted to silence me but never really deal with my feelings. What あなた wanted was to leave me behind.
When I told あなた I felt hurt I was so close to telling あなた that I didn’t know how to 移動する on. I don’t know how to let あなた go. Please tell me what I did. But I told あなた that it wasn’t your fault. I couldn’t stop the pain.
I saw あなた through the window with your hand on his arm and smiling. That was supposed to be us and it was supposed to be me that あなた were smiling at and that your hand was resting on. Why couldn’t あなた 愛 me? Those words coursed through my mind replaying itself like a bad record.
I stood there with the brush in my hand and the ハート, 心 that had been breaking inside me was finally crushed into a million pieces. As I walked back I realized I had held あなた for the last time. Everyone that I had ever loved had left. But I was able to 移動する on. It was true I needed あなた but I was really learning how to love. I had fallen in 愛 with you. I tried to tell Wilson and あなた but あなた both wanted me to pick up the pieces and go on. I didn’t know how.
I came to your house to make peace and to see if we could leave the door open and try to work things out. I wanted to listen to あなた and see what あなた needed and what あなた wanted from a man. I wanted to be that man for you. When I saw あなた had moved on I couldn’t imagine him touching あなた and holding you. I ……………………
As I returned to the car I saw Wilson. He had tried to help me work out my problems and to deal with my anger. I was about to do that. I was about to solve all my problems and put an end to all questions. If I couldn’t get 回答 I would make up my own. I bowed my head just a bit and urged Wilson to get out of the car. Even to the last moment he was trying to get me to talk. I pulled the door shut and pushed the pedal to the floor. I don’t know why I couldn’t just drive away and give it time.
I miss あなた Cuddy and I 愛 you. I can’t walk away so I will do something that is so totally unforgivable that going back will never be an option. If あなた hate me then maybe I can learn to hate you. I rather あなた hate me than pity me. I do not want your pity. I sit there staring at your house for a moment and then when I knew あなた had enough time to be in the other room I crushed the gas pedal and I saw Wilson fall, “I hope he got out of the way” and I smashed through your dining room.
I looked into your eyes and all I saw was fear. I would never hurt あなた または maybe that is all I ever knew how to do. あなた were shaking and I still wanted to hold あなた but I knew あなた would never let me near あなた again.
