Note: Because every time I read a ‘Haku is secretly a girl’ fic, I always wonder ‘if she’s hiding her gender, why in the world doesn’t she actually hide it’?
“Alright kid,” Momochi Zabuza decided, looking down at the young girl in front of him. “I suppose あなた can follow me around.”
“Yay!” she cheered. “I’ll be the best tool ever, Zabuza-dono!”
Zabuza winced. “Maybe あなた shouldn’t call me that, Haku…”
Haku cocked her head, confused. “But…but you’re my new master, Zabuza-dono.”
“Yeah, but think of how it looks! A young girl like あなた trailing around after an older guy like me and calling me ‘dono’…” Zabuza shook his head ruefully. “People will get ideas.”
Haku blinked innocently. “What kind of ideas?”
“We are NOT having this conversation,” Zabuza 発言しました firmly.
“Are あなた sure, Zabuza-dono?” Haku asked. “When two people are talking it is generally called a ‘conversation’.”
“That’s not what I mean!”
“I still don’t quite understand your concern, but it seems to stem from the fact that I’m a female, right?” Haku inquired.
“…Yes,” Zabuza admitted finally.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be very dangerous for me to be traveling around with あなた as a young girl. There are all sorts of perverts in the world, あなた know,” Haku 発言しました sagely.
“You worry about that but あなた don’t get why I’m hesitant to have あなた call me ‘Master’?” Zabuza asked with no small amount of disbelief.
“Not at all,” Haku assured him brightly.
Zabuza sighed heavily. “So what do あなた plan to do? 仮面舞踏会 as a boy?”
Haku nodded firmly. “That sounds like a sound idea.”
“Alright,” Zabuza agreed reluctantly. “That should solve most of my image problems. Not all, God knows, but people should talk less, at least…we can go get あなた some boy clothes in the morning.”
“Boys clothes?” Haku was puzzled. “Whatever for?”
“Well, you’re planning to pretend to be a boy, right?” Zabuza checked to see if the plan had somehow changed.
“Absolutely, Zabuza-san,” Haku 発言しました with a nod.
“Then wouldn’t it make sense to, I don’t know, attempt to look like a boy?” Zabuza asked. “Maybe cut your hair?”
Haku gasped, horrified. “Cut my hair? There are plenty of boys with long hair! Easily half of the guys I’ve ever met, in fact!”
“I suppose あなた have a point,” Zabuza grudgingly admitted. “Can あなた at least tie it up?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Haku promised somewhat patronizingly.
“Good,” Zabuza sounded relieved, “because at the end of the 日 they can be as feminine as they like because they actually ARE guys so they’re not trying to fool anyone.” He paused. “Unless, of course, they’re posing as a girl, but I’m not really one to judge, so…”
“With long hair, I could pose as a girl!” Haku realized.
“You are a girl,” Zabuza felt the need to remind her.
“That’s certainly an advantage I have, then. Because – no offense – あなた really couldn’t pull cross-dressing convincingly off,” Haku 発言しました honestly.
Zabuza snorted. “None taken, believe me.”
“Always, Zabuza-dono!” Haku 発言しました enthusiastically.
“But even if あなた won’t cut your hair, shouldn’t あなた at least dress in guy clothing? The only guys who don’t are guys pretending to be girls,” Zabuza pointed out.
Haku considered that for a moment. “It could just mean that I’m secure enough in my masculinity to embrace my feminine side.”
“What masculinity?” Zabuza wanted to know. “You. Are. A. Girl.”
“No one has to know that…”
“So あなた plan to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl?” Zabuza 発言しました slowly, wondering how, exactly, he always managed to get himself in to these kinds of situations.
“Dressing like a girl but willing to clear up any misunderstandings about my actually being a boy should the need arise または people just outright make the assumption that I’m a girl,” Haku clarified.
“If you’re going to dress like a girl anyway, what in the world is the point in pretending to be a boy?” Zabuza demanded.
“It’s for my own protection,” Haku insisted.
“But how will あなた be protected if you’re making no effort to hide your gender?!?!” Zabuza cried.
“Because I will be telling everyone that I’m a boy,” came Haku’s simple answer.
“But you’ll look like a girl!” Zabuza just couldn’t 移動する past that.
“Who would believe that I’m a girl who looks like a girl and is trying to pass herself off as a boy?” Haku asked reasonably.
“Because that would just be stupid,” Zabuza 発言しました dryly.
Haku beamed at him. “Exactly!”
“I suppose there is something to be 発言しました for that. But wouldn’t it just be easier to, oh, I don’t know, actually pretend to be a boy instead of playing all these complicated mind games?” Zabuza queried.
“It would,” Haku agreed readily enough, “But there are two reasons why I’m not going to.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“First, if I’m going to be a shinobi now, I can’t very well do things the easy way,” Haku began.
“That is a point of pride, yes,” Zabuza acknowledged. “Now what’s the 秒 reason?”
“I just don’t want to.”
Poor Zabuza almost fell over. “You…you won’t put any effort into your ploy to pretend to be a boy simply because あなた don’t want to?”
“AND because as a soon-to-be Shinobi it’s practically a moral imperative,” Haku added.
“And now you’re talking about morals? I really had no idea what I was getting into when I agreed to raise you, did I?” Zabuza mused.
“I’ve heard many a parent say that, so I’m sure that’s normal,” Haku assured him.
“Parent?” Zabuza repeated blankly.
“I’m an impressionable child and you’re a responsible adult. That makes あなた my surrogate parent によって definition,” Haku explained patiently.
“I didn’t sign up to be your father, kid,” Zabuza 発言しました gruffly.
“I don’t remember asking,” Haku 発言しました sweetly.
“Me? Responsible? あなた have got to be kidding me,” Zabuza 発言しました bluntly.
“Not at all, Zabuza-dono. You’re a lot もっと見る responsible than either of my biological parents were. My mother, for instance, stayed in an area that periodically massacred those with the misfortune to be born with a Kekkei genkai while having one herself and never mentioning it to me または testing the waters with her husband and apparently just hoped the whole thing would go away. And then there’s my father. The man realized that the pacifistic 愛 of his life and beloved little girl just happened to be able to control ice and his first reaction was something along the lines of ‘burn the witch’!” Haku recounted, her eyes flashing.
“It would kind of be hard to be less responsible,” Zabuza pointed out.
“See?” Haku said, cheerful again. “I’m moving up in the world in terms of guardians!”
Zabuza nodded his assent. “As sad as that is, I think you’re right…And incidentally, I also see where あなた get your insanity from…”
“So it’s settled then?” Haku questioned. “I’ll go around telling people I’m a boy and あなた can act slightly embarrassed によって my women’s clothing?”
“Since I am slightly embarrassed at how paper-thin your disguise will be, that should work perfectly,” Zabuza told her.
“Don’t あなた 愛 it when things work out this perfectly?” Haku 発言しました with a smile.
“ ‘Perfectly’?” Zabuza repeated, shaking his head incredulously. “You are so lucky you’re a valuable tool または I swear…”
“Alright kid,” Momochi Zabuza decided, looking down at the young girl in front of him. “I suppose あなた can follow me around.”
“Yay!” she cheered. “I’ll be the best tool ever, Zabuza-dono!”
Zabuza winced. “Maybe あなた shouldn’t call me that, Haku…”
Haku cocked her head, confused. “But…but you’re my new master, Zabuza-dono.”
“Yeah, but think of how it looks! A young girl like あなた trailing around after an older guy like me and calling me ‘dono’…” Zabuza shook his head ruefully. “People will get ideas.”
Haku blinked innocently. “What kind of ideas?”
“We are NOT having this conversation,” Zabuza 発言しました firmly.
“Are あなた sure, Zabuza-dono?” Haku asked. “When two people are talking it is generally called a ‘conversation’.”
“That’s not what I mean!”
“I still don’t quite understand your concern, but it seems to stem from the fact that I’m a female, right?” Haku inquired.
“…Yes,” Zabuza admitted finally.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be very dangerous for me to be traveling around with あなた as a young girl. There are all sorts of perverts in the world, あなた know,” Haku 発言しました sagely.
“You worry about that but あなた don’t get why I’m hesitant to have あなた call me ‘Master’?” Zabuza asked with no small amount of disbelief.
“Not at all,” Haku assured him brightly.
Zabuza sighed heavily. “So what do あなた plan to do? 仮面舞踏会 as a boy?”
Haku nodded firmly. “That sounds like a sound idea.”
“Alright,” Zabuza agreed reluctantly. “That should solve most of my image problems. Not all, God knows, but people should talk less, at least…we can go get あなた some boy clothes in the morning.”
“Boys clothes?” Haku was puzzled. “Whatever for?”
“Well, you’re planning to pretend to be a boy, right?” Zabuza checked to see if the plan had somehow changed.
“Absolutely, Zabuza-san,” Haku 発言しました with a nod.
“Then wouldn’t it make sense to, I don’t know, attempt to look like a boy?” Zabuza asked. “Maybe cut your hair?”
Haku gasped, horrified. “Cut my hair? There are plenty of boys with long hair! Easily half of the guys I’ve ever met, in fact!”
“I suppose あなた have a point,” Zabuza grudgingly admitted. “Can あなた at least tie it up?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Haku promised somewhat patronizingly.
“Good,” Zabuza sounded relieved, “because at the end of the 日 they can be as feminine as they like because they actually ARE guys so they’re not trying to fool anyone.” He paused. “Unless, of course, they’re posing as a girl, but I’m not really one to judge, so…”
“With long hair, I could pose as a girl!” Haku realized.
“You are a girl,” Zabuza felt the need to remind her.
“That’s certainly an advantage I have, then. Because – no offense – あなた really couldn’t pull cross-dressing convincingly off,” Haku 発言しました honestly.
Zabuza snorted. “None taken, believe me.”
“Always, Zabuza-dono!” Haku 発言しました enthusiastically.
“But even if あなた won’t cut your hair, shouldn’t あなた at least dress in guy clothing? The only guys who don’t are guys pretending to be girls,” Zabuza pointed out.
Haku considered that for a moment. “It could just mean that I’m secure enough in my masculinity to embrace my feminine side.”
“What masculinity?” Zabuza wanted to know. “You. Are. A. Girl.”
“No one has to know that…”
“So あなた plan to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl?” Zabuza 発言しました slowly, wondering how, exactly, he always managed to get himself in to these kinds of situations.
“Dressing like a girl but willing to clear up any misunderstandings about my actually being a boy should the need arise または people just outright make the assumption that I’m a girl,” Haku clarified.
“If you’re going to dress like a girl anyway, what in the world is the point in pretending to be a boy?” Zabuza demanded.
“It’s for my own protection,” Haku insisted.
“But how will あなた be protected if you’re making no effort to hide your gender?!?!” Zabuza cried.
“Because I will be telling everyone that I’m a boy,” came Haku’s simple answer.
“But you’ll look like a girl!” Zabuza just couldn’t 移動する past that.
“Who would believe that I’m a girl who looks like a girl and is trying to pass herself off as a boy?” Haku asked reasonably.
“Because that would just be stupid,” Zabuza 発言しました dryly.
Haku beamed at him. “Exactly!”
“I suppose there is something to be 発言しました for that. But wouldn’t it just be easier to, oh, I don’t know, actually pretend to be a boy instead of playing all these complicated mind games?” Zabuza queried.
“It would,” Haku agreed readily enough, “But there are two reasons why I’m not going to.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“First, if I’m going to be a shinobi now, I can’t very well do things the easy way,” Haku began.
“That is a point of pride, yes,” Zabuza acknowledged. “Now what’s the 秒 reason?”
“I just don’t want to.”
Poor Zabuza almost fell over. “You…you won’t put any effort into your ploy to pretend to be a boy simply because あなた don’t want to?”
“AND because as a soon-to-be Shinobi it’s practically a moral imperative,” Haku added.
“And now you’re talking about morals? I really had no idea what I was getting into when I agreed to raise you, did I?” Zabuza mused.
“I’ve heard many a parent say that, so I’m sure that’s normal,” Haku assured him.
“Parent?” Zabuza repeated blankly.
“I’m an impressionable child and you’re a responsible adult. That makes あなた my surrogate parent によって definition,” Haku explained patiently.
“I didn’t sign up to be your father, kid,” Zabuza 発言しました gruffly.
“I don’t remember asking,” Haku 発言しました sweetly.
“Me? Responsible? あなた have got to be kidding me,” Zabuza 発言しました bluntly.
“Not at all, Zabuza-dono. You’re a lot もっと見る responsible than either of my biological parents were. My mother, for instance, stayed in an area that periodically massacred those with the misfortune to be born with a Kekkei genkai while having one herself and never mentioning it to me または testing the waters with her husband and apparently just hoped the whole thing would go away. And then there’s my father. The man realized that the pacifistic 愛 of his life and beloved little girl just happened to be able to control ice and his first reaction was something along the lines of ‘burn the witch’!” Haku recounted, her eyes flashing.
“It would kind of be hard to be less responsible,” Zabuza pointed out.
“See?” Haku said, cheerful again. “I’m moving up in the world in terms of guardians!”
Zabuza nodded his assent. “As sad as that is, I think you’re right…And incidentally, I also see where あなた get your insanity from…”
“So it’s settled then?” Haku questioned. “I’ll go around telling people I’m a boy and あなた can act slightly embarrassed によって my women’s clothing?”
“Since I am slightly embarrassed at how paper-thin your disguise will be, that should work perfectly,” Zabuza told her.
“Don’t あなた 愛 it when things work out this perfectly?” Haku 発言しました with a smile.
“ ‘Perfectly’?” Zabuza repeated, shaking his head incredulously. “You are so lucky you’re a valuable tool または I swear…”
