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ファンポップ Users Has anyone made あなた feel bad, like あなた don't belong and shouldn't even exist?
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@ PrueFever: Not here on Fanpop anymore apparently, but thanks for the concern.
@diaz Dont feel to bad. I totally understand that people have a much harder life compared to animals, but Im syre things will get better! Im currently having a midlife crisis at 19 :/
1) an exhaustively long list of classmates
2) People who called themselves "my friends" but who turned on me and were actually "enemies"
3) An exhaustively long list of college and graduate school teachers
4) My own mother more times than I can count
5) My own father
6) My own sister
7) My own brother
8) Classmates in my test prep MCAT classes ( I failed the test, btw).
9) People online such as people on IMDB forums, and especially some members here on Fanpop
10) Males who were right in my face and attracted to me once, have turned on me, called me names, stood me up, made excuses for not keeping their promises, and have frozen me out ( not returning calls or texts,etc.).
11) A horrendously long list of bosses at my workplaces. Bosses who have told me everything from "You're stupid" to "you have no social skills and need to drop out of school" to "it's your fault that the samples are in the trash, because you threw them away!"--- when I was right there and WATCHED my boss throw the samples in the trash herself. Then my boss stood around and MADE ME retrieve every single one of the samples from the trash can, and did nothing to help. She stood around cackling and telling my coworker how "stupid" I was.
12) Some of the members, and the pastor/rabbi of the synagogue I used to attend
Just to let you know...everything in my head is not a bright place. In fact, Diaz, it's quite dark in here. The point is, I am functional only because I "will" myself "to be." When life is at its lowest, you have to drink heavily on your own feelings of courage. Even if you exist, other people will not always love or respect you...not even members of your own family. But you are letting others "dictate" your own self-worth, or how you will live--- if you start thinking you should die or disappear. Just the opposite needs to happen. I had to do the hardest thing yet, which was to learn to let people hurt me, endure the pain, and say to myself, "I forgive them, I forgive them, and because I forgive them, what they have said about me, sometimes to my face, or behind my back, ceases to matter. They will get what they deserve when it is their hour of reckoning. But I am genuinely entitled to being alive, and being who I am--- whether they like it or not."
Be strong, Diaz. Other people are out here, with you. We also are kind of the walking wounded, in a way. YOU'RE NEVER ALONE.
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