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posted by kitkat709477
1.vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.Say this with a serious face,and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions carpet fresh.

2.Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed.Rename the area under the ソファー, ソファ "The Galapagos Islands" and claim ecological exemption.

3.Layers of dirty film on windows and screen provides a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun.Call it a SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4.Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb,thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting,simply look affronted and exclaim,"What? and spoil the mood?"

5.In a pinch,you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers 次 to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger,thereby reducing your vulnerability.Roll your eyes when あなた say this.

6.Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways によって claiming あなた are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play 動物 for underprivileged children.

7.If unexpected company is coming,pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door.As あなた 表示する your guests though your tidy home,rattle the door knob vigorously,fake a growl and say,"I'd 愛 あなた to see our Den,but fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

8.If the dusting is REALLY out of control ,simply place a showy urn insist that "THIS is where grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

9.Don't bother repainting.Simply scribble lightly over a dirty ウォール with a assortment of crayons,and try to muster a glint of tears as あなた say,"Junior did this that week before the unspeakable accident...I haven't had the ハート, 心 to clean it..."

10.Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle.Mist the air lightly.Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations.Develop an exhausted look,throw yourself onto the ソファー, ソファ ,and sigh,"I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."





*I didn't come up with this ,I found it on the internet*
added by xoheartinohioxo
Source: icanhascheezburger
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: blogspot
added by hm94991
Source: i-am-bored.com
posted by flippy_fan210
-when あなた ask someone for something and they try to annoy あなた because they have it and あなた don't

-school, you're there for 7 hours a day, they give あなた work あなた have to do at ホーム and あなた have almost no freedom

-JB, 1D, big time rush

-when your フレンズ call saying they'll come over and never 表示する up

-you like something your friend doesn't like so they HAVE to complain and say it sucks

-getting no freedom at your own ホーム and being controlled によって your parents

-crab cake

-girly things

-uptight people who can't stand jokes and practically spit in your face if あなた make one "dirty" または "wrong" joke

-overprotective...
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Katniss:

Peeta and I had just won the Hunger Games. A televised fight to the death. My sister, Prim, had been picked to be in the Games, so I took her place. Now I was at ホーム with her and my mother. Peeta was living in a house near me. We had pretended to be in 愛 for the Games so we would both win. I don’t really 愛 him, but I think that he really does 愛 me. Well, now everything is normal. Prim, my mother, Peeta, and I are fine. Everything is different, though. I had been so used to living in the Seam, that all of these luxuries from winning the Games seem abnormal and unusual to...
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posted by Face_of_Music
ATTENTION PEOPLES OF HOGWARTS AND BEAUBATONS AND DURMSTRANG AND PIGFARTS AND ALL あなた MUGGLES INBETWEEN! I AM CHANGING THE STORY LINE PLOT THINGY FROM AL QUEDA ATTACKING AMERICA TO A WIZARDS BATTLE! PLEASE STILL ENJOY THE ORIGINAL AND TAKE CARE! I WILL POST THE NEW VERSION SOON!


This is a ランダム book I was 書く about Al Queda attacking America, and I got the idea from my friend, who had a nightmare, and 発言しました I could write a book または something. This is the first chapter, so I'd 愛 it if あなた could post your thoughts about it, anything I could change, things あなた liked, things that didn't make...
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NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President または Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a 年 plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...
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posted by reb1009
The ウォッカ Hotline: 772-257-4492

Outsource-A-Breakup To India: 631-403-2029

Bible Stories in 60 Seconds: 240-258-4010

The "Free Marijuana" Hotline: 267-436-5129

The Divorce Hotline: 631-403-2016

IRS Tax Extension Help Line: 267-436-5139

The "Loud Talkin' Redneck" Hotline: 401-285-0705

A Life-Saving Message: 267-436-5115

"Twilight" Obsession Hotline: 973-409-3307

Ruminations: 631-403-2013

Tech-Support Hotline: 772-257-4678

Automated Sobriety Test: 781-452-3027

movie hotline 781-452-4066

Gay Marriage ディベート Line: 413-497-0148

Beer Goggles Hotline: 954-482-4332

Your Status アップデート Are Annoying: 267-436-5224

"Travel...
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posted by samuraibond005
I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether または not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, 秒 of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...
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1. Take someone's shopping カート and switch the items with stuff from the person 次 to them's カート
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen あなた in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of あなた on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____
6. 移動する "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas....
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posted by jessicamc26
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posted by musicfanaticXD
When あなた are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When あなた are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When あなた are dating..... He takes あなた out to have a good time.
When あなた are married ....He brings ホーム a 6 pack, and says "What are あなた going to drink?"

When あなた are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When あなた are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When あなた are dating..... A Single ベッド for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When あなた are married ....A King size ベッド feels like an army cot.

When あなた are dating..... あなた are turned on at the sight of him naked....
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added by randomgirl3000
Source: deviantART
added by 3xZ
added by cassie-1-2-3
Source: Breaknig Dawn pt 1 Movie Companion
added by awsomegtax
added by Blaze1213IsBack
added by Blaze1213IsBack
video
added by TimberHumphrey
video