#1: TITANIC:
Jon: What sorrow, I feel for these characters.. Red haired lady.. Old ladies.. Currently DROWNING human.. And 101 don-..
One hundred and what!?.. One hundred and what now!?…. (camera zooms in on the dog) BONGO!? IS THAT YOU!?
#2: ARE あなた AFRIED OF THE DARK:
Man in movie: (two the little kids he locked in his house) Just answer this riddle. Than I'll let あなた go free.
Jon:TWO KIDS ARE GONNA DIE TONIGHT!!
#3: GOOSEBUMPS:
Jerry: Oh man, あなた and your dumb hobbies!
JonTron: Yeah, fuck あなた for being interested in things, あなた stupid bitch!
#4: TITANIC:
Jon: Wait, it's just a legend? It's just a silly old legend? I thought it was a real thing, like a real ボート with people on it that sank and they died. I s'pose that means my girlfriend's not real then. I guess there were some signs along the way. [flashback starts] When we were at that restaurant, the waiter, he said, "Why did あなた order two meals and not eat one of them? あなた just left it there to get cold." and I said, "Curb your tongue! That's my lady, and soon she will be departing on the great steam liner known as the タイタニック that is definitely a real ship in the real world." and he said, "...Wait, what?"
#5: TITANIC:
Old Man: Here あなた are. Let's hope it's a smooth crossing. (Gives a sinister smile and wiggles his eyebrows)
Jon: Excuse me, uh, the fuck did あなた just say!? Do あなた know something we don't? あなた got something to say? Why so devious? Wait a second... I recognize that voice. You're not really an old man! (He goes up and pulls the guy's head off) I knew it! He was the iceberg all along!
#6: TITANIC:
Jon: There's a where are they now sagment!? I'll tell あなた where they are now, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING OCEAN, ARE あなた CRAZY?!?
#7: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Jon: Boy, ピカチュウ dose that leg thing from Sonic 2.. Now ピカチュウ is turned into a ball, like.. Sonic, the, hedgehog.. Man, that's just Sonic, it's soni- (screaming) IT'S SONIC!!
#8: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) ヒイラギ, ホリー SHIT!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS 愛 YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN あなた DO THIS TO ME!?!?
#9: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: I mean, what if after Super Mario World, 任天堂 released a teaser trailer for Super Mario 64, and upon release 日 あなた are greeted with Mario CITY SIMULATOR!.. And than あなた put in the game, and Shigeru Miyamoto's ghost comes out, and goes "AH FUCKING, WHO LIKE'S THE MARIO GAMES, AM I RIGHT!?".. BYB!.. MAKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, INTO ZELDA MODERN WARFARE!!
#10: GOOSEBUMPS:
Larry: She's really cool.. あなた know, for a girl.
Jon: Wait, THAT'S not in the book.. In the book he describes her as kinda cute.. Oh Larry, your just. Your just a fucking asshole!
#11: GOOSEBUMPS:
JonTron: This fucking humming! That's like the joke voice people do when they're trying to pretend to act natural.
Police Officer: [knocking on door] NYPD! Open up!
[cut to Jon in the bathroom with a giant knife, both him and the ナイフ covered in blood, and Jon looking paranoid].
JonTron: Can't a guy get some privacy? (begins to stab away, humming the same song).
#12: BARBIE:
Jon: Hi Barbie. I miss you. It's so quiet after あなた die. There's nothing. But the voices...they never stop. (beat) See あなた in an hour!
#13: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
JonTron: Now this 次 one is actually one of my お気に入り ones. It's called ポケモン Vietnamese Crystal. Yeah, that's actually what it's called.
Jacques (his pet parrot): That's racist.
JonTron: [turns around to Jacques]
JonTron: Now あなた listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, あなた take that to sleep with あなた tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. あなた don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the 次 day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give あなた a kiss, muffin.
[Jon kisses Jacques on the head]
#14: POOKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Camera man: Where あなた going?
Jon: I'm not doing this, I'm not playing this! あなた only live once!
#15: 食 FIGHT:
JonTron: Is this like Toy Story rules または is this like, like The 噴水 rules, where there's no rules?
JonTron: [backing away] Oh God, help us. I think this is 噴水 rules.
#16: 食 FIGHT:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!
#17: 食 FIGHT:
Jon: Am I dead yet!?
#18: TITANIC:
Jon: (the film is so bad he's pointing a gun at his head) Come on baby, I just want out!
#19: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.
#20: THE ロスト WORLD:
JonTron: Jurasstic Park 2 had it all.. Dinosours.. Adventure.. (screaming, and camera shakes) AND JEFF GOLDBLUM!!.. CAN'T FAIL!!
#21:
Jontron: (kills Nostaglia Critc) That's for reviewing 食 Battle!
Jon: What sorrow, I feel for these characters.. Red haired lady.. Old ladies.. Currently DROWNING human.. And 101 don-..
One hundred and what!?.. One hundred and what now!?…. (camera zooms in on the dog) BONGO!? IS THAT YOU!?
#2: ARE あなた AFRIED OF THE DARK:
Man in movie: (two the little kids he locked in his house) Just answer this riddle. Than I'll let あなた go free.
Jon:TWO KIDS ARE GONNA DIE TONIGHT!!
#3: GOOSEBUMPS:
Jerry: Oh man, あなた and your dumb hobbies!
JonTron: Yeah, fuck あなた for being interested in things, あなた stupid bitch!
#4: TITANIC:
Jon: Wait, it's just a legend? It's just a silly old legend? I thought it was a real thing, like a real ボート with people on it that sank and they died. I s'pose that means my girlfriend's not real then. I guess there were some signs along the way. [flashback starts] When we were at that restaurant, the waiter, he said, "Why did あなた order two meals and not eat one of them? あなた just left it there to get cold." and I said, "Curb your tongue! That's my lady, and soon she will be departing on the great steam liner known as the タイタニック that is definitely a real ship in the real world." and he said, "...Wait, what?"
#5: TITANIC:
Old Man: Here あなた are. Let's hope it's a smooth crossing. (Gives a sinister smile and wiggles his eyebrows)
Jon: Excuse me, uh, the fuck did あなた just say!? Do あなた know something we don't? あなた got something to say? Why so devious? Wait a second... I recognize that voice. You're not really an old man! (He goes up and pulls the guy's head off) I knew it! He was the iceberg all along!
#6: TITANIC:
Jon: There's a where are they now sagment!? I'll tell あなた where they are now, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING OCEAN, ARE あなた CRAZY?!?
#7: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Jon: Boy, ピカチュウ dose that leg thing from Sonic 2.. Now ピカチュウ is turned into a ball, like.. Sonic, the, hedgehog.. Man, that's just Sonic, it's soni- (screaming) IT'S SONIC!!
#8: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) ヒイラギ, ホリー SHIT!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS 愛 YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN あなた DO THIS TO ME!?!?
#9: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: I mean, what if after Super Mario World, 任天堂 released a teaser trailer for Super Mario 64, and upon release 日 あなた are greeted with Mario CITY SIMULATOR!.. And than あなた put in the game, and Shigeru Miyamoto's ghost comes out, and goes "AH FUCKING, WHO LIKE'S THE MARIO GAMES, AM I RIGHT!?".. BYB!.. MAKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, INTO ZELDA MODERN WARFARE!!
#10: GOOSEBUMPS:
Larry: She's really cool.. あなた know, for a girl.
Jon: Wait, THAT'S not in the book.. In the book he describes her as kinda cute.. Oh Larry, your just. Your just a fucking asshole!
#11: GOOSEBUMPS:
JonTron: This fucking humming! That's like the joke voice people do when they're trying to pretend to act natural.
Police Officer: [knocking on door] NYPD! Open up!
[cut to Jon in the bathroom with a giant knife, both him and the ナイフ covered in blood, and Jon looking paranoid].
JonTron: Can't a guy get some privacy? (begins to stab away, humming the same song).
#12: BARBIE:
Jon: Hi Barbie. I miss you. It's so quiet after あなた die. There's nothing. But the voices...they never stop. (beat) See あなた in an hour!
#13: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
JonTron: Now this 次 one is actually one of my お気に入り ones. It's called ポケモン Vietnamese Crystal. Yeah, that's actually what it's called.
Jacques (his pet parrot): That's racist.
JonTron: [turns around to Jacques]
JonTron: Now あなた listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, あなた take that to sleep with あなた tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. あなた don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the 次 day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give あなた a kiss, muffin.
[Jon kisses Jacques on the head]
#14: POOKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Camera man: Where あなた going?
Jon: I'm not doing this, I'm not playing this! あなた only live once!
#15: 食 FIGHT:
JonTron: Is this like Toy Story rules または is this like, like The 噴水 rules, where there's no rules?
JonTron: [backing away] Oh God, help us. I think this is 噴水 rules.
#16: 食 FIGHT:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!
#17: 食 FIGHT:
Jon: Am I dead yet!?
#18: TITANIC:
Jon: (the film is so bad he's pointing a gun at his head) Come on baby, I just want out!
#19: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.
#20: THE ロスト WORLD:
JonTron: Jurasstic Park 2 had it all.. Dinosours.. Adventure.. (screaming, and camera shakes) AND JEFF GOLDBLUM!!.. CAN'T FAIL!!
#21:
Jontron: (kills Nostaglia Critc) That's for reviewing 食 Battle!
As the タイトル suggests, these are what work for me.. So あなた know...
1; AVOID ALL COVID NEWS;
Never ever watch the news, all they do is tell sad stories and make あなた feel worse about this than あなた already do..
2; GO FOR WALKS;
I live at a lake place, and know a path that's my usual for walks. I go alone though, I like the alone time.. Just getting outside, it really helps..
3; DISTRACT YOURSELF;
To me, continuing to play video games, watch YouTube and watch tv, just as I did before all this.. It really helps..
4; STAY POSTIVE;
This my biggest one. Always stay optimistic.. Enjoy the little things.. Like seeing something on netflix. Whatever it is..
1; AVOID ALL COVID NEWS;
Never ever watch the news, all they do is tell sad stories and make あなた feel worse about this than あなた already do..
2; GO FOR WALKS;
I live at a lake place, and know a path that's my usual for walks. I go alone though, I like the alone time.. Just getting outside, it really helps..
3; DISTRACT YOURSELF;
To me, continuing to play video games, watch YouTube and watch tv, just as I did before all this.. It really helps..
4; STAY POSTIVE;
This my biggest one. Always stay optimistic.. Enjoy the little things.. Like seeing something on netflix. Whatever it is..
Episode 1;
Roman: (meets Niko at the ボート stop).
Niko: (stressed) What took あなた so long!
Roman: Sorry.. I was at a party.. But anyway.. (singing) Welcome, home, Cousin. あなた know that, I missed ye-
Niko: [Off-Screen] NO! [On-Screen] NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR あなた SING!
----------------------------------------------------------
Roman is driving them too the apartment, though he's driving very slowly, much to Niko's anger.
Roman: Do あなた think Mallorie's mad at me?
Niko: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and あなた won't go around it? (sarcastically) No, I'm sure she finds it charming.
Roman: No,...
