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1.    “I came all the way to school before I realized I still had my pyjamas on, and had to go ホーム and change”

2.    “When I got here my teacher wasn’t in the classroom so I went out looking for him/her”

3.    “I was abducted によって aliens for experimental purposes. I have been gone for 50 years, but fortunately in Earth time it was only (insert how late あなた are here)”

4.    “I invented a time machine that took me フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして to my exam results. I saw that I got straight A’s, so I thought I might as well take things easy from now on.”

5.    “I squeezed the toothpaste too hard, and spent all morning getting it back in the tube.”

6.    “My parents ロスト the keys to my cage.”

7.    “I was helping Little Bo Peep find her sheep.”

8.    “I’m afraid I can’t tell あなた why I’m late. The government has sworn me to secrecy.”

9.    “I’m not late… everyone else is early.”

10.    "The bartender wouldn't let me leave."

11.     “It takes a lot of time to dump a body”

12.    “I wasn't late, I was just early for tomorrow.”

13.    I wasn`t late. I just failed to be on time.

14.    I didn`t want to seem to eager.

15.    "Could あなた please repeat the question?" (repeat when they ask あなた again)

16.    " The yellow sign painted on the road outside the school 発言しました 'CHILDREN SLOW', so rushing wasnt an option!! "

17.    "had a meeting with the Pope."(doesn’t work on Pope.)

18.    “I was trying to find あなた a gift, (insert teachers name here)”

19.    "I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I 表示する up on time."
posted by McDreamyluva
Here's the famous 'Best Divorce Letter' によって Dan to Connie, pretty hilarious, definitely a must read! xD



Dear Connie,

I know the counselor 発言しました we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The 日 あなた left, I swore I'd never talk to あなた again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first on to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always あなた who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you....
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added by Crazedsitcomfan
added by ladycountry
added by 050801090907
added by Quirnechia
added by bvbmary15
added by XxKeithHarkinxX
Source: Google
added by Ami_Mizuno
added by Tamar20
added by tdafan121
added by Cantwait4book5
Source: Smarthphowned.com
As a proud visitor of forty-four of the fifty United States, I am a bit of a self-taught expert in amusing oneself on long rides in motor vehicles. Whether あなた are the driver, riding shotgun, または sitting in the back, there is a plethora of ways to make 発言しました drive go によって much faster.
One way to take a long, boring drive across the never changing flatness of Nebraska または Oklahoma, and mold it into an enjoyable spending of one’s time is to engage in a physical fight with a sibling. This works best when あなた are driving and the sibling is in the back seat. It does not matter if the 発言しました sibling is...
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added by liridonarama96
added by gkazeuishida
posted by NatalieSunshine
1.Run with her on the beach.
2.Give her your sweater when she’s cold.
3.Never talk about other girls infront of her.
4.Learn to play the ギター for her.
5.Comfort her when she’s scared.
6.Watch the sunset with her.
7.If she can’t sleep read her a bedtime story.
8.If あなた get in a fight with her and she starts crying,just stop and hold her.
9.Never force her to do anything.
10.Call her beautifull,especially when she least expects it.
11.Never let her walk alone.
12.Play with her hair when she’s laying on your chest.
13.Always make the first move.
14.Never lie to her she’ll find out.
15.Kiss her when...
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posted by i_luv_angst
65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero
People in Miami all die.
Wisconsinites close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico...
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