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poem i wrote:)

it sucks but oh well..ill take constructive criticism. plzz rate it between 1-10

here it goes:

shooting star( the title)

i look up at the sky at night
even when its dark its bright
and if i where to crinqe in fright
i know あなた would hold me, tonight
your kinda like my shooting star
your not near but your not far
i wait for あなた 日 and night
i want あなた to say its allright
あなた are there
あなた arent far
あなた are my
shooting star

mm. i hope thats how it went. well..im not really into 詩 and thts my first poem ever!

 heavenly13 posted １年以上前
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peterslover said:
Well done! Very artistic, clever, poetic.


One thing though, this does NOT belong in the question. This is an article. ファン will see that あなた 投稿されました an article, that shows up in the アップデート just like questions, picks, etc!
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Well done! Very artistic, clever, poetic. One thing though, this does NOT belong in the question. This is an article. ファン will see that あなた 投稿されました an article, that shows up in the アップデート just like questions, picks, etc!
posted １年以上前 
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oh..okay. i didnt know if anyone really answered artivles. lol. ill remember that
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
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And あなた can post 画像 there too!
peterslover posted １年以上前
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Keep up with your poetry! Well done!
peterslover posted １年以上前
volleyblue13 said:
I 愛 it! so cute :)
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posted １年以上前 
mikeguy said:
i think is awesome and better than mine
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posted １年以上前 
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nah! i like yours better! we should write one together one day. jk..im not really into 詩
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
demon_wolf said:
I think its really good. Its sweet. I like it. =D. I would give it 5 stars if it was 投稿されました in an article. ^^
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posted １年以上前 
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oh...ooops. i didnt know we could post those at the time.lol
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
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Its alright. =). All thats matters is that people like the poem. ^^
demon_wolf posted １年以上前
clevercaoimhe said:
it sweet あなた should do もっと見る poetry=)
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posted １年以上前 
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i may
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
archiejake1991 said:
I 愛 it.....awesome.i'll give 10/10.:)
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posted １年以上前 
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thanks!
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
amethyst44 said:
so cute!! I 愛 it!! Keep writing---it seems like あなた have a career ahead of you!!! :D
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posted １年以上前 
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lol..i wanna be a wrter but notwh poetry!
heavenly13 posted １年以上前
rkrahu said:
I like that Your first attempt then it's very well
U just attaching someone who is special like special shooting star.
Shooting 星, つ星 gives u expectation または wishes
and in poet someone like shooting star.
1-2 word I can't recognized but whole is superb
keep it up
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posted １年以上前 
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