‘The Walking Dead': 8 Times Abraham Ford Was A Gift To The English Language 

‘The Walking Dead\': 8 Times Abraham Ford Was A Gift To The English Language

When the zombie plague hits, and the world as we know it comes to an end, it’s hard to know just what to say.

That’s why we have Abraham Ford, Poet Laureate of the Zombie Apocalypse, to capture this complex experience in prose that’s as elegant and memorable as his signature mustache.

Abraham was in top form during the “Walking Dead” season six premiere, when he jumped out of a moving car in order to perform an incredible act of zombie herding — an approach to life that he referred to as “grabbing the bull by the nutsack.” (What can we say? The man is an artist.)

But that was just one time that Abe’s words struck a chord deep within our hearts. Below, we’ve rounded up eight more of his greatest quotes…

On the state of things: “There is no damned corner on this damned Earth that has not been d–ked hard beyond all damned recognition.”

On choices: “You got a s–t storm behind door A, and a storm of s–t behind door B.”

On the nature of knowledge: “Simply put, there’s a vast ocean of s–t you people don’t know s–t about. Rick knows every fine grain of said s–t, and then some.”

On letting go of things that don’t matter: “I don’t give a monkey’s left nut.”

On appearances: “We don’t give two short and curlies what it looks like.”

On living your best life: “Is that all you want to be? Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pri–s, forage for food, go to sleep with two eyes open, rinse and repeat?”

And of course, when you need to convey — in just two words — the exquisite mix of dread, disgust, inevitability, and anticipation of knowing that zombies are imminent: