Dear Teacher:
In just over a week, あなた will be my son's Grade 1 teacher. He is ever so excited to be under your tutelage. Why, since the last 日 of kindergarten, entering your class was all he could talk about. He gleefully thrust a piece of paper into my hand on that June afternoon, and said, "Here's a 一覧 of the stuff I need for school 次 September!"
And I have to admit, I, too, was excited. I'm a school supplies geek from way back. And so, in early August, I set out to buy the items you'd listed.
It was on my fourth store that the realization began to sink in.
You're a crafty one, aren't you?
This 一覧 was a thinly disguised test. Could I find the items, exactly as you'd prescribed? Because if not, my son would be That Kid, the one with the Problem Mother, Who Can't Follow Directions.
For example, the glue sticks あなた requested. In the 40 gram size. Three of the little buggers. (What kind of massive, sticky project you've got planned for the first 日 of school that would require the students to bring all this glue, I cannot imagine.) But the 40 gram size doesn't come in a convenient 3-pack. The 30 gram size does. But clearly, those would be wildly inappropriate. So I got the individually priced 40's, as per your instructions.
Another bit of fun was your request for 2 packs of 8 Crayola crayons (basic colors). The 24 packs, with their 24 /different colors, sat there, on sale. I could have purchased three of the 24 packs for the price I had to pay for the 8 packs. (Clearly, you'll not be teaching the youngsters any sort of economics lessons this year.) Even the cashier looked at me, as if to say, "Pardon me, ma'am, but are あなた slow?" as I purchased these non-bargain crayons. But that's what the 一覧 said. And I was committed to following the list.
But the last item, well, now, あなた saved your malice up for that one, didn't you? "8 mm ruled notebooks", あなた asked for. Simple enough. Except the standard size is seven millimetres. One. Millimetre. Difference. Do あなた realize, Mrs. X., exactly how infinitesimal the difference between 7 mm ruling and 8 mm ruling is? Pretty small, I assure you. The thickness of a fingernail, approximately. But that millimetre, that small bit of nothingness, made me drive to four different stores, over the course of three sweaty August hours. And when I finally, finally found the last remaining 8 mm notebooks, I took no pleasure in my victory. I merely shifted my focus. To you, Mrs. X.
あなた wanna dance, lady? Let's dance.
Because I am just batshit crazy enough to play your games. And, in turn, come up with some of my own.
On 表示する and share day, my son will be bringing the video of his birth. It will be labelled, "Ben's First Puppy." Enjoy.
He will be 与えられた a 一覧 of words, and daily, he will ask あなた what they mean. Words such as, "pedophile", "anti-semite", and "skank". Good luck with those.
At some point, あなた will attempt to teach him mathematics. And I'm quite sure that, like most of your ilk, あなた will require my son to "show his work". And he will.
Through interpretive dance.
Because that is who you've chosen to tangle with, toots. A stay at ホーム mom who is not entirely balanced, and has altogether too much time on her hands. But is, most certainly, A Mother Who Can Follow Directions.
Sincerely,
Ginny
In just over a week, あなた will be my son's Grade 1 teacher. He is ever so excited to be under your tutelage. Why, since the last 日 of kindergarten, entering your class was all he could talk about. He gleefully thrust a piece of paper into my hand on that June afternoon, and said, "Here's a 一覧 of the stuff I need for school 次 September!"
And I have to admit, I, too, was excited. I'm a school supplies geek from way back. And so, in early August, I set out to buy the items you'd listed.
It was on my fourth store that the realization began to sink in.
You're a crafty one, aren't you?
This 一覧 was a thinly disguised test. Could I find the items, exactly as you'd prescribed? Because if not, my son would be That Kid, the one with the Problem Mother, Who Can't Follow Directions.
For example, the glue sticks あなた requested. In the 40 gram size. Three of the little buggers. (What kind of massive, sticky project you've got planned for the first 日 of school that would require the students to bring all this glue, I cannot imagine.) But the 40 gram size doesn't come in a convenient 3-pack. The 30 gram size does. But clearly, those would be wildly inappropriate. So I got the individually priced 40's, as per your instructions.
Another bit of fun was your request for 2 packs of 8 Crayola crayons (basic colors). The 24 packs, with their 24 /different colors, sat there, on sale. I could have purchased three of the 24 packs for the price I had to pay for the 8 packs. (Clearly, you'll not be teaching the youngsters any sort of economics lessons this year.) Even the cashier looked at me, as if to say, "Pardon me, ma'am, but are あなた slow?" as I purchased these non-bargain crayons. But that's what the 一覧 said. And I was committed to following the list.
But the last item, well, now, あなた saved your malice up for that one, didn't you? "8 mm ruled notebooks", あなた asked for. Simple enough. Except the standard size is seven millimetres. One. Millimetre. Difference. Do あなた realize, Mrs. X., exactly how infinitesimal the difference between 7 mm ruling and 8 mm ruling is? Pretty small, I assure you. The thickness of a fingernail, approximately. But that millimetre, that small bit of nothingness, made me drive to four different stores, over the course of three sweaty August hours. And when I finally, finally found the last remaining 8 mm notebooks, I took no pleasure in my victory. I merely shifted my focus. To you, Mrs. X.
あなた wanna dance, lady? Let's dance.
Because I am just batshit crazy enough to play your games. And, in turn, come up with some of my own.
On 表示する and share day, my son will be bringing the video of his birth. It will be labelled, "Ben's First Puppy." Enjoy.
He will be 与えられた a 一覧 of words, and daily, he will ask あなた what they mean. Words such as, "pedophile", "anti-semite", and "skank". Good luck with those.
At some point, あなた will attempt to teach him mathematics. And I'm quite sure that, like most of your ilk, あなた will require my son to "show his work". And he will.
Through interpretive dance.
Because that is who you've chosen to tangle with, toots. A stay at ホーム mom who is not entirely balanced, and has altogether too much time on her hands. But is, most certainly, A Mother Who Can Follow Directions.
Sincerely,
Ginny
1. Whenever あなた eat ice cream with a friend, start 歌う "DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE! DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE!"
2. If your フレンズ has a ゴールド fish, put bubble soap in its bowl/aquarium. Stir it into the water.
3. If あなた フレンズ has a ゴールド fish, put goldfish crackers into its bowl/aquarium. When your フレンズ asks why, tell them the 魚 were lonely.
4. When 書く and e-mail to your friends, WriT lIKe DIs.
5. Introduce your friend and then say "She/he's the crazy one" <- credit 与えられた to CAITLYN_SU for that one
6. Sing The Song That Never Ends
7. When at their house, immediately open their fridge and eat whatever あなた like.
8. 表示する them this 一覧 XD
If あなた have any もっと見る ways, please write them in コメント so I can use them in future articles.
<3 Emisa123
2. If your フレンズ has a ゴールド fish, put bubble soap in its bowl/aquarium. Stir it into the water.
3. If あなた フレンズ has a ゴールド fish, put goldfish crackers into its bowl/aquarium. When your フレンズ asks why, tell them the 魚 were lonely.
4. When 書く and e-mail to your friends, WriT lIKe DIs.
5. Introduce your friend and then say "She/he's the crazy one" <- credit 与えられた to CAITLYN_SU for that one
6. Sing The Song That Never Ends
7. When at their house, immediately open their fridge and eat whatever あなた like.
8. 表示する them this 一覧 XD
If あなた have any もっと見る ways, please write them in コメント so I can use them in future articles.
<3 Emisa123