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posted by Seanthehedgehog
A lot of people think Moonraker is the worst Bond film, but what about Nightmare Moonraker?

We begin in western europe, as an airplane with ponies that are learning to skydive is flying 30,000 feet above the air

Russian pony: I have never done this before. Have you?
Con: No.
Russian pony: Oh あなた from United States of Equestria?
Con: Yeah. So is this pony
Luna: Hi.
Russian pony: Hello *casts a spell*
Con: What are あなた doing?
Russian pony: *turns luna evil*
Nightmare moon: *grabs parachutes*
Con: What did あなた do?
Russian pony: I turned Luna evil!
Con: あなた sick asshole *hits russian*
Russian pony: *pushes Con toward door*
Con: *opens door*
Russian pony: Whoa *nearly falls out*
Con: *hits russian*
Nightmare moon: *gives russian parachute*
Russian: *falls out*
Con: Where did he get that?
Nightmare moon: *pushes Con out of plane*
Con: *falls*
Nightmare moon: *puts on parachute*
Con: *spots russian*
Russian pony: *falling 100 miles an hour*
Con: *falls faster*
Russian pony: Wat?!
Con: *hits russian*
Russian pony: *kicks Con*
Con: *grabs parachute*
Nightmare moon: *jumps out of plane*
Russian pony: あなた can't have it!
Con: Why not?
Russian pony: Because then I'll die!
Con: good *takes parachute*
Russian pony: NOOOOO!!!
Con: *puts on parachute*
Nightmare moon: *falling toward Con*
Con: 0_o
Nightmare moon: *grabs Con*
Con: *deploys parachute*
Nightmare moon: Damn! Almost had him! *pulls string* Well at least I have wings. *flies away*
Con: Thank god she's gone

Fillies & Gentlecolts, I present to あなた the 9th Con Mane story, Nightmare Moonraker

Starring

Doughnut Joe................................Con Mane
Russians.......................................Bad guys
Germans........................................Good guys
Princess Luna.................................Nightmare Moon
Twilight Sparkle...............................Twilight Goodhead
Pinkie Pie.........................................P
Spike................................................S
Fenix Lighter & ドレイク, ドレーク Hugo.............Theirselves

Cars provided by

Coltillac
Dodge
Chevronet
Foallari
Hoofington
posted by Seanthehedgehog
The final part of Tom Foolery's 表示する is here.

Tom: Now, most of あなた probably don't know this, but we all have several things in common. I'll give あなた an example. We're all here together, in the greatest city in Maressouri.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: I have some even funnier ones. When you're in your car, and あなた stop at a red light. Do あなた ever try to 移動する an extra inch または two?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But when あなた see other cars in front of you, you're in no rush to get as close to the other guy as possible. あなた just coast to the red light.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Coast to the red light, then all of a sudden...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom was now making fun of the modern movie industry.

Tom: As much as I enjoy being an actor, when I'm not entertaining あなた with jokes.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: I always want to make sure the movie I'm in is good. They're not all comedies, my most 最近 film, Suicide was actually quite dark. Yet for some reason, comedians feel like it's a great way to improve their career. Correct me if I'm wrong, but being in a dramatic R-rated film will not improve your comedy career.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's why no one knows who Jim Carrey is anymore.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: His 最近 role as Dr. Robotnik...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom continued insulting politicians, much to the delight of his audience.

Tom: Presidential candidates are always a good target for comedians to make fun of, but あなた know what another 人気 target is? Black Lives Matter.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Many black ponies are accusing millions of ponies of the Caucasian race, for something only one police officer did in the Midwest!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Who's the racist now あなた assholes?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And do あなた really think that every single Caucasian hates blacks?! When did we time travel back to the 18th Century?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Even the...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What's a comedy 表示する without politics? Tom is going to make fun of the presidential election.

Tom: I don't know what's worse, this covid pandemic, または the presidential election.
Crowd: Yeah!!!
Tom: I don't trust either Trump, または Biden so I'm not going to vote. *Talks like a filly* But Tom, it's important for the economy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Losing jobs, and spending money on taxes is not good for the economy!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: I don't give a fuck what ponies tell me. I don't trust the president, I don't trust the princess, I don't trust anyone that works for the Equestrian government! Why?...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
After mentioning things あなた should only do alone, Tom had another segment for his audience to enjoy.

Tom: あなた know one thing I like to do when I'm alone? Rewatch some episodes of On The Block.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Not only do I enjoy comedy, but I also enjoy being an actor. It's the only job where あなた can get away with murder.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Unless you're Robert Deniro, and the main protagonist is Al Pacino.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Seeing those two together was a lot of fun, but what really surprised me was seeing Pacino as a cop. He's normally the criminal, but I still got a kick...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


St. Foalis Maressouri, 6 PM.

A crowd of thousands of ponies gathered at the Gateway Arch to experience a comedy 表示する that was being filmed live in 4k. The comedian? Tom Foolery.

Crowd: *Clapping, and chanting* Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
Tom: *Arrives at a temporary stage under the Gateway Arch*
Crowd: *Cheering, as they continue to clap*
Tom: Thank あなた everypony.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: Thank あなた very much.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: And shut up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom:...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog


Jerry: Sorry, but I got nothing.
Vito: I don't feel like dying. That's the reason we left the family in the first place.
Harlan: *Hears a car* What's that? *Looks out the window*
Vito: What is it?
Harlan: A cop.

The three stallions started to panic, but Vito had a plan.

Vito: I think I know what to do. Go upstairs and let me handle this.
Police Pony: *Rings the doorbell*
Vito: *Opens the door* How can I help あなた officer?
Police Pony: We got a complaint a while ago. Apparently this morning, some ponies had a gunfight just in front of your house. あなた know anything about this?
Vito: No. I was riding...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this episode.

Twilight Sparkle: *In a black コンバーチブル with two Royal Guards. A bullet hits the door of the コンバーチブル they're in*
Royal Guard: Princess, get down!

---

Captain Jefferson: Someone tried to assassinate the princess as she entered our town.

---

Twilight: Why would somepony want me dead?
Toby: That's what we're trying to find out.

---

Tim: *Gets punched three times によって a blue unicorn. He gets punched one もっと見る time, and his glasses break*

Intro
Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting 次 to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring Larry Wilcox as Tim...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this week's episode.

Tim: You're splitting us up?
Captain Jefferson: Just until Saturday. Someone's gotta teach the new guys what to do.

---

Pony: *Driving a sports car* Turn on the nitrous.
Pony 2: *Turns on the nitrous*
Pony: *Going faster*

---

Captain Jefferson: These two guys are wanted によって the State Troopers, both in this state, and in Pennsylvania.
Tim: *Driving after the bad guys*
Captain Jefferson: We gotta be on our game.
Tim: *Hits another car, and goes on two wheels*

Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting 次 to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
When Saten Twist returned to Los Angeles in the Super Chief, he saw Jake looking at him.

Jake: *Angry*
Saten: *Sweating* Why is he giving me that look? *Stops the train*
Jake: *Tapping his left front hoof on the ground, waiting for Saten Twist*
Saten: *Climbs down from the engine's cab* Why are あなた angry at me?
Jake: あなた owe me an apology for the way あなた talked to me yesterday.
Saten: John-
Jake: IT'S JAKE!!!!
Saten: Why are あなた getting angry at me all of a sudden?
Jake: Your lecture towards me made me lose my job, and now I can't find work anywhere else.
Saten: あなた quit?
Jake: Yeah. I'm still waiting...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


Song: link
 Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*
Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*


Albuquerque, New Mexicolt. July 19th, 1958

Saten Twist: *Walking towards the Super Chief*
Stallion 16: Here to take this train all the way to Los Angeles?
Saten Twist: *Nods, and climbs into the cab*
Conductor: All aboard!!
Saten Twist: *Blows the horn twice, and makes the train go forward*
 This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies.
This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies....
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Oh shit, BT's not making fun of someone this time around? (well in an indirect way I might be but let's see where this goes)

Yeah, I don't care if anyone reads this, I just want to get this off of my chest, because I'm gonna try and be real with this site for once and it's 1 AM in the morning.

One thing I've noticed in the time that i've been a part of this club (since like, 2012 または something, idk), is that this club has ロスト its backbone. The 最近 year, now, I've been shitposting like mad, pissing in everyone's cornflakes. I have admittedly been the worst kind of person, for NO good reason....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: facebook, EQD
posted by SomeoneButNoone
My name? Alonzo Langusa. Age when I started operating? 23.


Act II

Vengeance...

Living was hard. I had to hide my name. I had to find a good job yet there was not enough money. Life was rough and it was because of these man. Vincent Galar, Apollo Monetto and Angelo Vertezio. I was taught によって ma'am Crossroad not to kill. Yet I wanted to. I wanted vengeance. At age of 15 I started smoking and further drinking at age of 17 until at age of 23 I was kicked from my apartment. I went to Canterlot to find my good old friend her name was Clara. When I came she was shocked. I still remember it.


"Who are you?"...
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posted by SomeoneButNoone
It was a cold night like this one when my father smoked his last cigarette in our family house. The night so cold even me myself did not want to go out. The time? As a kid あなた don't care about that. It was dark, and it was winter. クリスマス day. After Equestrian economical fall and industrial boom, everyone changed, the dirty mafias started to leak. My father was part of one of these. A high up. One of important people in Vertezio familia. Still on that night...

Act I

That Night...

"So how was your 日 outside" Father asked me with a smile. "Good" was all I answered. I was 11 what could I say....
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林檎, アップル Bloom: ... Who'd've thought it'd be so hard to find somethin' for us all to do together?

Scootaloo: Well, I know this might sound crazy, but what if we didn't?

Apple Bloom: Didn't what?

Scootaloo: Do things together. Well, do everything together.

Apple Bloom: But we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

Scootaloo: And we always will be! But I really wanna bungee jump! The speed, the height, the fall!

Sweetie Belle: And I know あなた two aren't interested, but I wanna try : Isn't there something you've always wanted to do on your own?

Apple Bloom: I don't know... I guess I figured we'd always do stuff together....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: フェイスブック
posted by SomeoneButNoone
Darkness - *burst into room* Bad news! Void was kidnapped!
Dan - What?!
Snowflake - Void...


----
Location - ???
---

Void - *wakes up strapped to some 表, テーブル covered with bandages* What the...
Nyx - Good 日 VOID. I never thought あなた will be the first to feel truth.
Void - What are you- *looks at him and see big machine behind him*
Nyx - Ah あなた see this. My project. フルーツ of my reschearch. The best weapon ever. あなた know - cores are great aren't they. They stay alive for 20 years. But あなた know what is better in them. Their power. A sheer power that may 移動する body または stimulate brain. And this 秒 thing...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tim, and Julia returned to the police station.

Captain Jefferson: Tim Miller, and Julia Rose.
Tim: Hello Captain.
Captain Jefferson: I heard about your heroic act on Monday Avenue. Well done.
Julia: Don't give us all of the credit Captain. There were other officers as well.
Captain Jefferson: I understand. When I see them, I'll give them their congrats as well.
Tim: We still on stakeout tomorrow Captain?
Captain Jefferson: That's right. You're on stakeout until further notice.

Next day.

Tim: *Driving his まむし, バイパー passing Local Consideration*
Julia: Let's check out The Highway.
Tim: *Turns right on Byer Lane*...
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posted by SomeoneButNoone
Epilouge.
----------------
5 Years later.
----
Canterlot
13th May
---
Sandman - 13th of may...
Mare - A really fearful 日 huh?
Sandman - Damn right. I saw this city burn. I saw it die slowly.
Mare - It's okay. It's not rebuilded fully but it has buty it had before.
Sandman - Maybe but Eiffla tower won't be fixed. New York statue the same.
Mare - You're right on that...
---
Ice - Damn it's hot this may.
Fire - Yeah. It was quiet hot that 日 too.
Ice - Damn right.

----
Colt - Dad tell me about the war!
Damien - Well your dad fought for city we live in - Canterlot. あなた know it was hard but your daddy wanted to...
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