1. It’s OK to kill people.
2. Dying doesn’t really matter much either.
3. If you’re 14, have hair covering your eyes and live in a small village, man up, because you’re going to have to save the world.
4. Medicine became obsolete in the 年 2004, when doctors noticed that hiding behind a ウォール caused human health to regenerate to 100%.
5. Eating stuff found on the floor is good for あなた – your parents were wrong.
6. Sometime in the future, Earth will be menaced によって hordes of alien spacecraft that fly in predictable patterns and can be killed in one hit. The logical course of action will be to dispatch one メリダとおそろしの森 hero in an untested plane/tank/spaceship to take them all on without help.
7. Winners don’t use drugs.
8. Buildings may have crates full of goodies on their roofs, so always check, even if it means riding a motorbike up the 火災, 火 escape.
9. Enemies, rather than approach あなた directly, behave like Michael Flatley (of Riverdance fame) on a conveyor belt.
10. Keycards are only manufactured in primary colors.
11. Tanks will go faster if あなた turn the タレット backwards and keep firing.
12. Anything in the world can be made from food, wood and gold.
13. Most guards forget あなた unsuccessfully tried to strangle them after walking around for 20 seconds.
14. It’s surprising just how useful martial arts are on the modern battlefield.
15. When あなた get shot, あなた don’t feel any pain, nor does it affect your aim. However, it does cause your vision to turn red for a couple of seconds.
16. If a crown princess is abducted によって political dissidents または terrorists it is advisable to avoid using Special Forces and instead hire the services of an Italian plumber または a dizzy egg.
17. Firearms are most simply reloaded によって pointing them at the ウォール and pulling the trigger.
18. Crates only contain one single item, much smaller than the クレート, 木枠 itself. The item will usually be in the dead centre of the クレート, 木枠 with no supporting packing material.
19. If you’re stuck in life and don’t know what to do, simply attempt to use every single item in your possession on your obstacle. If none of them work, go back the way あなた came. You’ve clearly missed something.
21. Wrexham can win the Champions League if あなた have about 483 full days to spare, 80% of which are spent waiting for CM04 to load (non-UK folk may not get this one).
22. Jumping on turtles’ heads is socially acceptable. Unless it’s being used as a euphemism for needing the toilet.
23. Contrary to 人気 belief, あなた don’t gain experience and knowledge によって education and hard work. あなた get it from wandering around the countryside killing wildlife.
24. Princesses float farther than plumbers.
25. Despite what logic dictates, the ideal shape for a war robot is not squat, armored, with a low centre of gravity, but a bipedal humanoid. Ideally with hands to hold a gun, rather than built in weaponry.
26. Large men are slow but strong; women are fast but weak.
27. When あなた look down, あなた can’t see your feet.
28. Explosives don’t work on doors unless they’re a bit shinier than the other doors.
29. If working on high scaffolding, beware of gorillas throwing barrels off the 上, ページのトップへ floor.
30. No girls.
31. Always be sure to smash any crates あなた come across, they will always contain good things.
32. Despite the fact that modern weapons systems are effective over hundreds of miles, in the future all space/air/sea combat will be conducted within about 50 yards of the enemy.
33. Contrary to the strict regulations あなた might think pilots have to adhere to, あなた can actually fly any aircraft upside down beneath the Golden Gate Bridge without getting in trouble.
34. War is the best fun ever.
35. It doesn’t matter where あなた shoot someone, even if it’s in the foot, as long as あなた do it enough times there will eventually be an immediate transition between alive and dead.
36. There is no practical difference between walking into a weapon and picking it up.
37. In medieval times, women regularly fought in wars, wearing armor that afforded them equal protection to SUITS/スーツ of plate mail worn によって men, despite only covering about 3 inches of skin.
38. Most martial arts will teach あなた how to throw fireballs at about green ベルト level.
39. Roman and medieval generals had a zoomable and rotatable 3D view of the battlefield, and controlled their soldiers によって clicking giant arrows.
40. Everyone speaks English, including Nazis, aliens and the living dead.
41. When your life ends あなた will be 与えられた 10 秒 to decide whether あなた fancy going again (in some circumstances this may cost あなた some change).
42. As long as あなた are wearing at least one ring あなた will never die.
43. Pulling out a weapon makes あなた see a + sign wherever あなた look.
44. Running from side to side または backwards is just as easy and quick as running forwards.
45. Never trust a giant monkey wearing a tie.
46. Graveyard zombies are predatory homosexuals, who’ll strip あなた down to your Y-fronts.
47. Bus-loads of people will turn up to a mostly empty field to see a man in a hippo costume stand 次 to a mail box.
48. Fat people are always evil. If not from the beginning, they will betray あなた eventually.
49. あなた can only use a pair of skis once and the only ショップ selling them at resorts is invariably on the other side of a busy motorway with no visible means of a pedestrian thoroughfare.
50. Not only is it perfectly normal for 動物 to talk, but their default attitude is “sassy”.
51. Modern tank warfare will be replaced in the future によって building a very large number of tanks on the battlefield itself, then attacking the enemy’s strongest point head-on with hundreds of them at once.
52. あなた know when あなた have won a fight when your opponent stands still, waiting for あなた to decapitate him.
53. Prostitutes will judge あなた on the fanciness of your car and give あなた 25% bonus health post-sex. This is only in the pre-AIDS ’80s. In 2008, あなた will be tsk-ed at によって an Eastern European, which makes あなた feel sick and guilty, even though you’ve been stabbing people all day.
54. Karate and driving can both be learned in 分 simply によって repeating sequential dance routines as requested によって cartoon animals.
55. Wearing a pair of white gloves to work every 日 may seem an unwise choice if your chosen career is plumbing, but, in reality, あなた will never have to dirty your pristine mitts によって fishing a swollen, fetid tampon from a shit-clogged outflow pipe.
56. The bodies of your murdered victims will fade and disappear if あなた wait for a few seconds.
57. Explosives are not stored, as あなた might expect, in secure containers in controlled environments, but in barrels that are littered around combat zones at random. Highly-trained evil soldiers are quite happy to engage in sustained fire-fights while standing 次 to them.
58. Doing athletics really hurts your wrist after a while.
59. あなた can’t ever trip, even when running backwards as fast as あなた can while firing a shotgun.
60. World War II infantry jargon included such phrases as “lol”, “n00b” and “OMG HaXXoR!!11!” Modern counter-terrorist SWAT teams use the same phrases.
61. People wink out of existence when you’re not there to see them.
62. On the whole, あなた can withstand a lot もっと見る bullets/punches/magic compared to the other guy.
63. Always shut the door behind you, especially if it looks like it might snow later on.
64. あなた don’t need scintillating conversation get on in life. Two-word commands will do fine.
65. Many, if not all, problems can be solved with a Holy Hand Grenade.
66. Being on the goodies’ side doesn’t automatically make あなた winners of The War.
67. あなた can up your bank balance $1,000 at a time によって chanting ‘FUND’.
68. Kick enough 子犬 and you’ll eventually gain the strength, wisdom and dexterity to take on ninjas.
69. 食 can heal most serious injuries instantly.
70. Even cyborgs/ninjas/special agents able to smash whole cities with their fists and defeat the mightiest opponent in close combat are stumped when confronted with a locked door または box, and have to go find the key.
71. 音楽 spontaneously plays whenever あなた do anything exciting.
72. Modern military training teaches that the best way to defeat an enemy is to stand stock still in plain view of the enemy and 火災, 火 wildly. Making sinister noises to reveal your location is good, too.
73. If あなた notice a discolored section on a brick wall, try running up really close and pressing on it, for it may give way and lead あなた to a secret cache of weapons and armor.
74. Bullet holes will gradually disappear, foiling your attempts to draw a c--k and balls on the ground with a machine gun.
75. When you’ve run out of 食 and stuff, just leave the house and then go back in again.
76. When あなた kill people, sometimes they turn into 食 または money. または some bullets.
77. あなた can travel anywhere instantly, as long as you’ve been there before.
78. When crawling along air-conditioning ducts, if あなた go フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして and back a few times あなた may または may not see a pair of tits.
79. First aid kits can be applied to your injuries in under a second, and will instantly fix your injuries and make あなた healthier.
80. Flashlights only last for one minute, but thankfully recharge themselves over time.
81. If you’re in a 城 looking for a ロスト loved one, they’re in another one.
82. If you’re good enough at trading/bartering – every single ショップ in the world will reduce their prices specially for you.
83. あなた can lead a fulfilling and adventurous life, and keep several friends, without ever opening your mouth.
84. あなた can shoot open a padlock, but locks on wooden doors only ever leave a dent.
85. It is possible to carry an infinite amount of items, including a full sunday roast spread, for no adequately explored reason, without impeding either your speed または clothing.
86. “Sho-ryu-ken!” is the best opening line to start a punch-up in a pub.
87. Conversation is easy! Just think of two または three possible responses, and pick the one あなた think will lead to the greatest reward.
88. Firing a rocket launcher straight into the floor is an excellent idea, and will get あなた cool stuff, provided あなた jump into the air as あなた do it.
89. Women who are experienced mercenaries and can carry multiple heavy weapons do not look like Bulgarian discus throwers, but are lithe, slim, and have very large breasts.
90. The world is packed with unexplored ruins, most of which are packed to the rafters with treasure. Despite this, no one has yet bothered to explore them.
91. The owners of theme parks/zoos/hospitals are able to pick up visitors to their attractions with a giant grapple, and drown them in lakes without penalty.
92. Being shot in the face is only a minor inconvenience, but going into an area あなた are not supposed to will result in instant death.
93. Nazis/Alien Invaders/Evil Megacorps are always leaving medical supplies around for their opponents to heal themselves with. Their own soldiers are under strict instruction not to touch them. Ever.
94. The 人気 third dimension was introduced in the ’80s, before which you’d simply shrink and 移動する もっと見る slowly to convey distance.
95. あなた can probably fit another rocket launcher in your rucksack if あなた carefully rearrange those four ammo clips and that コーラ can.
96. If someone あなた don’t like is in a swimming pool, simply remove the steps to get out. Then they will be stuck and drown through exhaustion.
97. Frogs die in water.
98. あなた can gaze at a woman’s tits for hours on end without either of あなた becoming embarrassed. However, attempts to mount her from every side like a determined St. Bernard will always result in あなた bouncing off her textured hide.
99. If あなた win a really big fight, don’t relax until you’ve made sure there isn’t a much もっと見る powerful robot version of your late opponent lurking in a corner.
100. “Ninja” is the most common occupation on the planet, just above “Secret Agent” and “Alien in Disguise”.
101. Comprehensive military training can be acquired simply によって climbing a rope, crouching and firing down a range a few times.
2. Dying doesn’t really matter much either.
3. If you’re 14, have hair covering your eyes and live in a small village, man up, because you’re going to have to save the world.
4. Medicine became obsolete in the 年 2004, when doctors noticed that hiding behind a ウォール caused human health to regenerate to 100%.
5. Eating stuff found on the floor is good for あなた – your parents were wrong.
6. Sometime in the future, Earth will be menaced によって hordes of alien spacecraft that fly in predictable patterns and can be killed in one hit. The logical course of action will be to dispatch one メリダとおそろしの森 hero in an untested plane/tank/spaceship to take them all on without help.
7. Winners don’t use drugs.
8. Buildings may have crates full of goodies on their roofs, so always check, even if it means riding a motorbike up the 火災, 火 escape.
9. Enemies, rather than approach あなた directly, behave like Michael Flatley (of Riverdance fame) on a conveyor belt.
10. Keycards are only manufactured in primary colors.
11. Tanks will go faster if あなた turn the タレット backwards and keep firing.
12. Anything in the world can be made from food, wood and gold.
13. Most guards forget あなた unsuccessfully tried to strangle them after walking around for 20 seconds.
14. It’s surprising just how useful martial arts are on the modern battlefield.
15. When あなた get shot, あなた don’t feel any pain, nor does it affect your aim. However, it does cause your vision to turn red for a couple of seconds.
16. If a crown princess is abducted によって political dissidents または terrorists it is advisable to avoid using Special Forces and instead hire the services of an Italian plumber または a dizzy egg.
17. Firearms are most simply reloaded によって pointing them at the ウォール and pulling the trigger.
18. Crates only contain one single item, much smaller than the クレート, 木枠 itself. The item will usually be in the dead centre of the クレート, 木枠 with no supporting packing material.
19. If you’re stuck in life and don’t know what to do, simply attempt to use every single item in your possession on your obstacle. If none of them work, go back the way あなた came. You’ve clearly missed something.
21. Wrexham can win the Champions League if あなた have about 483 full days to spare, 80% of which are spent waiting for CM04 to load (non-UK folk may not get this one).
22. Jumping on turtles’ heads is socially acceptable. Unless it’s being used as a euphemism for needing the toilet.
23. Contrary to 人気 belief, あなた don’t gain experience and knowledge によって education and hard work. あなた get it from wandering around the countryside killing wildlife.
24. Princesses float farther than plumbers.
25. Despite what logic dictates, the ideal shape for a war robot is not squat, armored, with a low centre of gravity, but a bipedal humanoid. Ideally with hands to hold a gun, rather than built in weaponry.
26. Large men are slow but strong; women are fast but weak.
27. When あなた look down, あなた can’t see your feet.
28. Explosives don’t work on doors unless they’re a bit shinier than the other doors.
29. If working on high scaffolding, beware of gorillas throwing barrels off the 上, ページのトップへ floor.
30. No girls.
31. Always be sure to smash any crates あなた come across, they will always contain good things.
32. Despite the fact that modern weapons systems are effective over hundreds of miles, in the future all space/air/sea combat will be conducted within about 50 yards of the enemy.
33. Contrary to the strict regulations あなた might think pilots have to adhere to, あなた can actually fly any aircraft upside down beneath the Golden Gate Bridge without getting in trouble.
34. War is the best fun ever.
35. It doesn’t matter where あなた shoot someone, even if it’s in the foot, as long as あなた do it enough times there will eventually be an immediate transition between alive and dead.
36. There is no practical difference between walking into a weapon and picking it up.
37. In medieval times, women regularly fought in wars, wearing armor that afforded them equal protection to SUITS/スーツ of plate mail worn によって men, despite only covering about 3 inches of skin.
38. Most martial arts will teach あなた how to throw fireballs at about green ベルト level.
39. Roman and medieval generals had a zoomable and rotatable 3D view of the battlefield, and controlled their soldiers によって clicking giant arrows.
40. Everyone speaks English, including Nazis, aliens and the living dead.
41. When your life ends あなた will be 与えられた 10 秒 to decide whether あなた fancy going again (in some circumstances this may cost あなた some change).
42. As long as あなた are wearing at least one ring あなた will never die.
43. Pulling out a weapon makes あなた see a + sign wherever あなた look.
44. Running from side to side または backwards is just as easy and quick as running forwards.
45. Never trust a giant monkey wearing a tie.
46. Graveyard zombies are predatory homosexuals, who’ll strip あなた down to your Y-fronts.
47. Bus-loads of people will turn up to a mostly empty field to see a man in a hippo costume stand 次 to a mail box.
48. Fat people are always evil. If not from the beginning, they will betray あなた eventually.
49. あなた can only use a pair of skis once and the only ショップ selling them at resorts is invariably on the other side of a busy motorway with no visible means of a pedestrian thoroughfare.
50. Not only is it perfectly normal for 動物 to talk, but their default attitude is “sassy”.
51. Modern tank warfare will be replaced in the future によって building a very large number of tanks on the battlefield itself, then attacking the enemy’s strongest point head-on with hundreds of them at once.
52. あなた know when あなた have won a fight when your opponent stands still, waiting for あなた to decapitate him.
53. Prostitutes will judge あなた on the fanciness of your car and give あなた 25% bonus health post-sex. This is only in the pre-AIDS ’80s. In 2008, あなた will be tsk-ed at によって an Eastern European, which makes あなた feel sick and guilty, even though you’ve been stabbing people all day.
54. Karate and driving can both be learned in 分 simply によって repeating sequential dance routines as requested によって cartoon animals.
55. Wearing a pair of white gloves to work every 日 may seem an unwise choice if your chosen career is plumbing, but, in reality, あなた will never have to dirty your pristine mitts によって fishing a swollen, fetid tampon from a shit-clogged outflow pipe.
56. The bodies of your murdered victims will fade and disappear if あなた wait for a few seconds.
57. Explosives are not stored, as あなた might expect, in secure containers in controlled environments, but in barrels that are littered around combat zones at random. Highly-trained evil soldiers are quite happy to engage in sustained fire-fights while standing 次 to them.
58. Doing athletics really hurts your wrist after a while.
59. あなた can’t ever trip, even when running backwards as fast as あなた can while firing a shotgun.
60. World War II infantry jargon included such phrases as “lol”, “n00b” and “OMG HaXXoR!!11!” Modern counter-terrorist SWAT teams use the same phrases.
61. People wink out of existence when you’re not there to see them.
62. On the whole, あなた can withstand a lot もっと見る bullets/punches/magic compared to the other guy.
63. Always shut the door behind you, especially if it looks like it might snow later on.
64. あなた don’t need scintillating conversation get on in life. Two-word commands will do fine.
65. Many, if not all, problems can be solved with a Holy Hand Grenade.
66. Being on the goodies’ side doesn’t automatically make あなた winners of The War.
67. あなた can up your bank balance $1,000 at a time によって chanting ‘FUND’.
68. Kick enough 子犬 and you’ll eventually gain the strength, wisdom and dexterity to take on ninjas.
69. 食 can heal most serious injuries instantly.
70. Even cyborgs/ninjas/special agents able to smash whole cities with their fists and defeat the mightiest opponent in close combat are stumped when confronted with a locked door または box, and have to go find the key.
71. 音楽 spontaneously plays whenever あなた do anything exciting.
72. Modern military training teaches that the best way to defeat an enemy is to stand stock still in plain view of the enemy and 火災, 火 wildly. Making sinister noises to reveal your location is good, too.
73. If あなた notice a discolored section on a brick wall, try running up really close and pressing on it, for it may give way and lead あなた to a secret cache of weapons and armor.
74. Bullet holes will gradually disappear, foiling your attempts to draw a c--k and balls on the ground with a machine gun.
75. When you’ve run out of 食 and stuff, just leave the house and then go back in again.
76. When あなた kill people, sometimes they turn into 食 または money. または some bullets.
77. あなた can travel anywhere instantly, as long as you’ve been there before.
78. When crawling along air-conditioning ducts, if あなた go フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして and back a few times あなた may または may not see a pair of tits.
79. First aid kits can be applied to your injuries in under a second, and will instantly fix your injuries and make あなた healthier.
80. Flashlights only last for one minute, but thankfully recharge themselves over time.
81. If you’re in a 城 looking for a ロスト loved one, they’re in another one.
82. If you’re good enough at trading/bartering – every single ショップ in the world will reduce their prices specially for you.
83. あなた can lead a fulfilling and adventurous life, and keep several friends, without ever opening your mouth.
84. あなた can shoot open a padlock, but locks on wooden doors only ever leave a dent.
85. It is possible to carry an infinite amount of items, including a full sunday roast spread, for no adequately explored reason, without impeding either your speed または clothing.
86. “Sho-ryu-ken!” is the best opening line to start a punch-up in a pub.
87. Conversation is easy! Just think of two または three possible responses, and pick the one あなた think will lead to the greatest reward.
88. Firing a rocket launcher straight into the floor is an excellent idea, and will get あなた cool stuff, provided あなた jump into the air as あなた do it.
89. Women who are experienced mercenaries and can carry multiple heavy weapons do not look like Bulgarian discus throwers, but are lithe, slim, and have very large breasts.
90. The world is packed with unexplored ruins, most of which are packed to the rafters with treasure. Despite this, no one has yet bothered to explore them.
91. The owners of theme parks/zoos/hospitals are able to pick up visitors to their attractions with a giant grapple, and drown them in lakes without penalty.
92. Being shot in the face is only a minor inconvenience, but going into an area あなた are not supposed to will result in instant death.
93. Nazis/Alien Invaders/Evil Megacorps are always leaving medical supplies around for their opponents to heal themselves with. Their own soldiers are under strict instruction not to touch them. Ever.
94. The 人気 third dimension was introduced in the ’80s, before which you’d simply shrink and 移動する もっと見る slowly to convey distance.
95. あなた can probably fit another rocket launcher in your rucksack if あなた carefully rearrange those four ammo clips and that コーラ can.
96. If someone あなた don’t like is in a swimming pool, simply remove the steps to get out. Then they will be stuck and drown through exhaustion.
97. Frogs die in water.
98. あなた can gaze at a woman’s tits for hours on end without either of あなた becoming embarrassed. However, attempts to mount her from every side like a determined St. Bernard will always result in あなた bouncing off her textured hide.
99. If あなた win a really big fight, don’t relax until you’ve made sure there isn’t a much もっと見る powerful robot version of your late opponent lurking in a corner.
100. “Ninja” is the most common occupation on the planet, just above “Secret Agent” and “Alien in Disguise”.
101. Comprehensive military training can be acquired simply によって climbing a rope, crouching and firing down a range a few times.