In this fanfic, Duncan is making a video to 表示する to all of the スラッシュ ファン explaining why he doesn't like Harold...

WARNING: This contains slash, as in a boy/boy pairing. DuncanxHarold. Don't like it, don't read it.

Genre: Humor/Romance
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The video flashes on, revealing Duncan sitting at a chair in a room that's painted mostly black and green. He's glaring at the camera when he begins to speak.

Okay, so I've been going on fansites recently. Yeah, that's right-- fanfiction.com または fanpop.net または whatever the hell it's called. DevilArt and all that crap. I was grounded (again) for setting 火災, 火 to the trash in the garbage can (again) so I had nothing to do. What? I was told to take it out, and I got rid of it. As long as it's gone, who cares what I did to it?

Point is, I snuck on my bratty little sister's laptop and looked up the websites she was visiting. A bunch of あなた people-- fangirls-- were whining about how I dumped Courtney. Some other chicks were all happy 'cause I'm with Gwen. あなた people talk about me a lot. It's kind of creepy. Every two 秒 someone calls me a jack 尻, お尻 または 'super hawt'. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah.

So I go on and I look for people who aren't talking about me and Courtney または Gwen. And あなた know what I find? DuncanxHarold.

WHAT. THE. HELL. Seriously, are あなた people insane? You've been watching Izzy too much! You've all gone totally psycho-crazy if あなた think I like Harold. I'd rather be with Heather! At least she's hot... And a chick. But since I know a bunch of あなた 'slashers' または whatever you're called are gonna think I'm lying, I've made this: five reasons that I DON'T like Harold McGrady.

1. He's a dork!
あなた think that a punk and a dork can get together? No! He's all about science and grades and crap. The most scientific thing I've done this week is spell the word 'scientific' correctly just now. And even then I used the spell check! Yeah, he's smart または whatever, but... I don't like smart people. Just because Gwen and Courtney are smart doesn't mean that it's something I look for... Because it's NOT.

2. Harold's annoying as hell!
Every two 秒 he says something about some old person who no one knows. I hate that! And I swear, the 次 time I here him say "Gosh!" I'm going to drown him in the ocean. How come in all your stupid fanfiction あなた make it look like I think that's "cute"? I don't! Yeah, I smile whenever he says it, but... but... That's only because I like it when he's miserable!

3. He likes LeShawna!
Harold, for whatever reason, likes that ghetto プリン monster. Which means that we aren't dating. Okay, maybe this point is もっと見る about how Harold doesn't like me. I don't care, it's all the same. He doesn't like me, he's crushing on that fat traitor. Done deal. What? I'm not jealous または anything! I just hate LeShawna. That's all.

4. He's ugly!
Harold is skinny, boney, and has freckles. Courtney's make her kind of hot, but that's totally different because she's a chick. I don't think that Harold's freckles are cute... I really don't. And for those of あなた who think that he's "cute in a dorky way," you're insane. He's hideous. Not cute. Nope.

5. I'm not gay!
I like girls, okay? I've made out with Courtney and Gwen. I've been to juvie, for God's sake! No one who's been to prison is gay! Well, except for Chef maybe, but he wears dresses so that doesn't count. What I'm trying to say is this: even if I did secretly think that Harold is cute, smart, and funny, I'm straight. Besides, he's all about LeFugly, so he clearly doesn't like me... But I don't care.

Okay. Maybe I care a little, but that doesn't mean anything because I still like girls... Most of the time. Wait, what? Oh, crap, how do あなた erase the tape?

Duncan messes with the camera a little, but it just moves around and gets staticy. あなた can faintly hear him saying, "Why am I doing this live, damnit?" before the video comes back on. He rolls his eyes.

Ah, f**k it. あなた all get the point. And don't start off with that "You're obviously bi" ブル crap. I get enough of that from my stupid sister, I don't need it from you. Even though it might be tr... Wait, no, it's not true. Because I don't like Harold.

Well, not that much.
God, I hope Gwen never sees this video.
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