*Sleepover with Ponyboy*
チェリー didnt like it all that much when i 発言しました that i liked Ponyboy too. she didnt admit it, but i could see it on her face. so after that, me and Julie left. we headed back to her house and did the usual things we do: talk about The Outsiders, read parts in the book together (we both have our own copies), watch the movie together, gossip about people we know, talk about ランダム things, etc., etc., etc. the usual.
but all of that was hours ago. i am now laying on my bed, wide awake, at 11 at night, thinking about something that i havent thought about in a while and that i hate thinking about: Ryan Shaay.
Ryan Shaay was a guy that i used to like. i had liked him from forth grade all the way to the middle of seventh grade. three and a half years. i had liked so much about him and i had liked him for so long that i was convinced i was in 愛 with him. but he was terrible to me.
it the first 年 that we actually knew eachother, about fifth grade, he was really nice to me and sweet to me. he would talk to me and be really nice and such. and he would also tell me things, personal things, that i dont think he told anyone else. we were good friends.
but then in sixth grade he completely ignored me, and he talked about me behind my back, shit that wasnt true.
it all continued in seventh grade too. except then he was tellin people he didnt know who the hell i was! that i was just another crazy girl he didnt know that liked him. u do not know how much that hurt me.
so, によって the middle of seventh grade i stopped likin the dirt bag. my フレンズ were relieved cause they had been tellin me he was bad news since 日 one. i was relieved too. but i'll never, ever get over the pain Ryan caused me. ever. i mean, look at me. im going to be a sophmore in high school and am STILL thinking about it, when it happened years ago.
i do not know what i saw in him. i really dont. i mean, sure, he was smart, and athletic, and nice (to everyone except ME), and REALLY good-lookin, and had the dreamiest deep blue eyes...ugh. now i know what i saw...dammit, i really dont want to think about him and all the pain he caused me.
the sad things is is that alot of girls like him and he has ALOT of フレンズ and alot of teachers like him. his フレンズ and the girls who like him never got to see the terrible and rude side he showed me.
i sat up in my ベッド and started crying. i couldnt stop the tears. they were coming too hard and fast. then i started sobbing. "why, Ryan?" i 発言しました to myself through sobs. "what did i do to you, あなた asshole?!"
just then i heard a tappin on my window, and i think i had an idea of who it was. i quickly wiped my tears away and walked over to my window and pulled the shades up. and, sure enough, i saw Ponyboy sittin on part of my roof. i smiled, despite my sadness, and opened the window. "what are あなた doin here?" i asked him, but this time i wasnt mad at him.
"i couldnt sleep, and i didnt see あなた at all today. where were you?" he asked.
"i was with my friend, Julie. here, come inside, Ponyboy. its freezin out there." i grabbed his hand and pulled him into my room. the touch of his hand felt nice. i smiled again. then he sat on my carpeted floor, so i sat a couple inches across from him. "okay," i said. "guess who i saw at the park."
"who?" ポニー asked.
"Cherry and Marcia. and i had to tell Julie about あなた being here, and she flipped out. she flipped out even もっと見る when i introduced her to the girls."
"oh, あなた saw Cherry?"
"yeah," i said. "she was in the park. i asked her and Marcia what they was doin on the east side of town and they say they had no idea it was the east side."
"oh."
i dont know if Ponyboy had noticed, but as i had been talkin i had been sniffling and my voice sounded different, like i had been crying...which was what i WAS doin. i sniffled again.
"Amber, why are あなた sniffling?" he asked me suspiciously. dammit, i thought. he DID notice.
"uh, no reason, Pony. dont worry about it," i 発言しました nervously.
"and why does your voice sound different?" moonlight leaked through the blinds of my window and i could sorta see around my room. i could see Ponyboy, but it was dim. he looked closely at me, and leaned in a little closer. his face was about six または seven inches from my face. does he know i cant breathe when he is that close to me? i asked myself.
"Amber, are you...crying?" i guess he saw the moonlight glinting off my still-wet face, drenched によって tears. i sniffled again. then i broke. i didnt try to hide the fact that i was bawling anymore. i started crying again.
"y-yeah, Ponyboy," i said. "yeah." i sighed.
"why?!" he asked alarmed. so then i told him the long, sad story about Ryan Shaay, while i was still crying.
"he made me c-cry SO...much. i r-really liked the guy, Pony. あなた g-got...gotta believe me. i dont know why i still liked him after he showed me his shitty side, though. i was just s-so stupid. God. im s-such and id-idiot. i fell for a Soc." i know hes a Soc. he acts like one and has some money.
then Ponyboy did something to me that hes never done before: he hugged me. and i hugged him back. i had my forehead rest on his shoulder, and i kept crying. i got tears on his shoulder, but im sure he wouldnt care.
"youre not the idiot," he 発言しました soothingly. "he is. he took advantage of your niceness and sweetness and 発言しました things that werent true. if i knew him, hed be in a hospital によって now."
i stopped hugging ポニー and stared at him, a little bewildered. "what?" he asked.
"oh, nothin," i said. "its just, youre not like other greasers. あなた really arent. youre nice and sweet and あなた try to understand. and youre really good at...makin people feel like theyre worth something."
"do あなた know how many times ive heard people say 'youre not like other greasers'?" i laughed. "no, its true," he started again. "but i am like them. im different from them but still the same as them."
"how so?"
"well, im tough"--i giggled--" and im poor, and ive got weird grammer, and i can be a bit dirty some of the time. i also carry a blade too, i dress like them, obviously, cause i am one. i even have a leather jacket."
"you have a leather jacket?" i asked, surprised. it was never mentioned in the book...
"yeah. and i wear コンバース too. white ones."
"so あなた DO wear white Converse?"
"yeah. why? あなた shouldve noticed that already. and Two-Bit mentioned it earlier yesterday."
"oh, well," i started. "in the movie, Tommy Howell, who plays you, wears white low-top Converse. and sorry, but i dont pay attention to peoples shoes, Ponyboy." he laughed. "i have white コンバース too." i pulled them out from under my bed. "low-tops."
the reason i got white tow tops was cause Tommy Howell ("Ponyboy") wore them. obviously, i got them cause i like Pony.
"i have a blue jeans jacket, too," i 発言しました to him. the reason for that is cause Johnny wears one.
"yeah, i know," he said. "ive seen あなた wear it."
"yeah." then, i randomly got up and walked over to my vanity. there was enough light in my room for me to be able to see myself. Ponyboy followed me. he stood behind me. i could see him in the mirror as well.
i stared at myself. my un-pretty self. i had light brown hair. it wasnt blonde, like Two-Bit thought. it just had blonde strands in it cause of my dad. it also had the tiniest bit of red in it cause i was part Irish and Scottish. when the sun hit my hair it made it look goldeny brown with strands of firey red in it. my hair was long. i liked it that way. i looked better with long hair.
my eyes. my eyes were blue. a dark blue. a dull dark blue, that maybe looked like they had grey in it. they werent very big. i wish they were. i wish they were big and round and noticable. just not too big.
my lips were very pink. sometimes they were so ピンク they looked red. and the shape of them. well, its kinda hard to explain. have あなた ever seen Matt Dillon? well, my lips sometimes look like his.
my nose. it wasnt very long. it was sorta skinny. i dont complain about my nose. its fine.
i was a very pale girl. i didnt get very much sun. i was so pale that in 7th grade a kid made fun of me for it. "maybe we should call her Casper the Ghost instead," i remember the kid said. it made me mad, but not self-concious. i personally liked my paleness.
im a very short girl too, like i 発言しました before. im alot shorter than most people i know. but my parents and family say im tall. i dont see it.
im not a very pretty person. sometimes i look pretty. sometimes i dont. i guess it depends. i just dont know what it depends on though. all my フレンズ say im pretty and so do my folks. but, i guess its their job to say i am. but i know im not very good-looking. but i can look sorta pretty sometimes, like i 発言しました before.
"im ugly, arent i?" i asked Ponyboy out-of-the-blue. his eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me through the mirror.
i didnt mean to ask that question. i have a fake mantal illness, as i call it, where i ask 質問 that i dont mean to ask at ランダム times. but, truth be told, i AM a partially mentaly crazy person...i think. there somethings i do that normal people dont.
"what?" he asked. he put his hands on my shoulders and spun me around so i would face him. i didnt look up at him. i stared at his collarbone. it was eye-level. "no," he 発言しました slowly. he also sounded a little angry.
"i didnt mean to ask, Ponyboy," i whispered. but i dont think he heard me.
"no, Amber. no. あなた are NOT ugly! why would あなた think that?"
"i-i dont know, Pony. but i am. i know it."
he sighed and lifted my chin so our eyes met. "look at me," he commanded. how could i not listen? so i did. i nodded. he took his hand away from my chin. "you are a VERY pretty girl. あなた are not ugly. あなた are one of the most good-looking girls i have EVER seen. i mean, come one, your a doll."
i laughed. "better than チェリー Valance?" i asked. no one could compete with her.
"way better." i beamed on the inside. he thought i was pretty than Cherry. i couldnt believe it. suddenly, i felt myself get woozy and a bit dizzy.
"boy, am i tired," i 発言しました to him. i went and sat on my bed. he sat down 次 to me.
"yeah, i kinda am too," he said. i looked at my digital alarm clock. the red numbers read 12:02.
"well," i started. "i dont want あなた to walk back to Janes's in the dark, Ponyboy, so youre gonna have to stay here for the night."
"really? what about your folks? and your sister?"
"oh, well i'll just leave my door closed. my parents never come in if its closed. and they go to work super early. they dont think to say goodbye. あなた dont have to worry about them. and my sister is at another sleepover. shes never here. she practically lives at her フレンズ house. eleven-year-olds. what are あなた gonna do about them?"
"are あなた sure?" ポニー asked again.
"yes, Ponyboy. its fine. i mean, like あなた 発言しました yesterday, im like a friend youve known for two years instead of two days--well, now its technically been four days, but あなた get my point. あなた can even sleep on my bed. i dont care."
Ponyboy went and layed on the right side of my single bed. i lied 次 to him.
"good night, Ponyboy," i said, with my eyes closed.
"good night, Amber."
チェリー didnt like it all that much when i 発言しました that i liked Ponyboy too. she didnt admit it, but i could see it on her face. so after that, me and Julie left. we headed back to her house and did the usual things we do: talk about The Outsiders, read parts in the book together (we both have our own copies), watch the movie together, gossip about people we know, talk about ランダム things, etc., etc., etc. the usual.
but all of that was hours ago. i am now laying on my bed, wide awake, at 11 at night, thinking about something that i havent thought about in a while and that i hate thinking about: Ryan Shaay.
Ryan Shaay was a guy that i used to like. i had liked him from forth grade all the way to the middle of seventh grade. three and a half years. i had liked so much about him and i had liked him for so long that i was convinced i was in 愛 with him. but he was terrible to me.
it the first 年 that we actually knew eachother, about fifth grade, he was really nice to me and sweet to me. he would talk to me and be really nice and such. and he would also tell me things, personal things, that i dont think he told anyone else. we were good friends.
but then in sixth grade he completely ignored me, and he talked about me behind my back, shit that wasnt true.
it all continued in seventh grade too. except then he was tellin people he didnt know who the hell i was! that i was just another crazy girl he didnt know that liked him. u do not know how much that hurt me.
so, によって the middle of seventh grade i stopped likin the dirt bag. my フレンズ were relieved cause they had been tellin me he was bad news since 日 one. i was relieved too. but i'll never, ever get over the pain Ryan caused me. ever. i mean, look at me. im going to be a sophmore in high school and am STILL thinking about it, when it happened years ago.
i do not know what i saw in him. i really dont. i mean, sure, he was smart, and athletic, and nice (to everyone except ME), and REALLY good-lookin, and had the dreamiest deep blue eyes...ugh. now i know what i saw...dammit, i really dont want to think about him and all the pain he caused me.
the sad things is is that alot of girls like him and he has ALOT of フレンズ and alot of teachers like him. his フレンズ and the girls who like him never got to see the terrible and rude side he showed me.
i sat up in my ベッド and started crying. i couldnt stop the tears. they were coming too hard and fast. then i started sobbing. "why, Ryan?" i 発言しました to myself through sobs. "what did i do to you, あなた asshole?!"
just then i heard a tappin on my window, and i think i had an idea of who it was. i quickly wiped my tears away and walked over to my window and pulled the shades up. and, sure enough, i saw Ponyboy sittin on part of my roof. i smiled, despite my sadness, and opened the window. "what are あなた doin here?" i asked him, but this time i wasnt mad at him.
"i couldnt sleep, and i didnt see あなた at all today. where were you?" he asked.
"i was with my friend, Julie. here, come inside, Ponyboy. its freezin out there." i grabbed his hand and pulled him into my room. the touch of his hand felt nice. i smiled again. then he sat on my carpeted floor, so i sat a couple inches across from him. "okay," i said. "guess who i saw at the park."
"who?" ポニー asked.
"Cherry and Marcia. and i had to tell Julie about あなた being here, and she flipped out. she flipped out even もっと見る when i introduced her to the girls."
"oh, あなた saw Cherry?"
"yeah," i said. "she was in the park. i asked her and Marcia what they was doin on the east side of town and they say they had no idea it was the east side."
"oh."
i dont know if Ponyboy had noticed, but as i had been talkin i had been sniffling and my voice sounded different, like i had been crying...which was what i WAS doin. i sniffled again.
"Amber, why are あなた sniffling?" he asked me suspiciously. dammit, i thought. he DID notice.
"uh, no reason, Pony. dont worry about it," i 発言しました nervously.
"and why does your voice sound different?" moonlight leaked through the blinds of my window and i could sorta see around my room. i could see Ponyboy, but it was dim. he looked closely at me, and leaned in a little closer. his face was about six または seven inches from my face. does he know i cant breathe when he is that close to me? i asked myself.
"Amber, are you...crying?" i guess he saw the moonlight glinting off my still-wet face, drenched によって tears. i sniffled again. then i broke. i didnt try to hide the fact that i was bawling anymore. i started crying again.
"y-yeah, Ponyboy," i said. "yeah." i sighed.
"why?!" he asked alarmed. so then i told him the long, sad story about Ryan Shaay, while i was still crying.
"he made me c-cry SO...much. i r-really liked the guy, Pony. あなた g-got...gotta believe me. i dont know why i still liked him after he showed me his shitty side, though. i was just s-so stupid. God. im s-such and id-idiot. i fell for a Soc." i know hes a Soc. he acts like one and has some money.
then Ponyboy did something to me that hes never done before: he hugged me. and i hugged him back. i had my forehead rest on his shoulder, and i kept crying. i got tears on his shoulder, but im sure he wouldnt care.
"youre not the idiot," he 発言しました soothingly. "he is. he took advantage of your niceness and sweetness and 発言しました things that werent true. if i knew him, hed be in a hospital によって now."
i stopped hugging ポニー and stared at him, a little bewildered. "what?" he asked.
"oh, nothin," i said. "its just, youre not like other greasers. あなた really arent. youre nice and sweet and あなた try to understand. and youre really good at...makin people feel like theyre worth something."
"do あなた know how many times ive heard people say 'youre not like other greasers'?" i laughed. "no, its true," he started again. "but i am like them. im different from them but still the same as them."
"how so?"
"well, im tough"--i giggled--" and im poor, and ive got weird grammer, and i can be a bit dirty some of the time. i also carry a blade too, i dress like them, obviously, cause i am one. i even have a leather jacket."
"you have a leather jacket?" i asked, surprised. it was never mentioned in the book...
"yeah. and i wear コンバース too. white ones."
"so あなた DO wear white Converse?"
"yeah. why? あなた shouldve noticed that already. and Two-Bit mentioned it earlier yesterday."
"oh, well," i started. "in the movie, Tommy Howell, who plays you, wears white low-top Converse. and sorry, but i dont pay attention to peoples shoes, Ponyboy." he laughed. "i have white コンバース too." i pulled them out from under my bed. "low-tops."
the reason i got white tow tops was cause Tommy Howell ("Ponyboy") wore them. obviously, i got them cause i like Pony.
"i have a blue jeans jacket, too," i 発言しました to him. the reason for that is cause Johnny wears one.
"yeah, i know," he said. "ive seen あなた wear it."
"yeah." then, i randomly got up and walked over to my vanity. there was enough light in my room for me to be able to see myself. Ponyboy followed me. he stood behind me. i could see him in the mirror as well.
i stared at myself. my un-pretty self. i had light brown hair. it wasnt blonde, like Two-Bit thought. it just had blonde strands in it cause of my dad. it also had the tiniest bit of red in it cause i was part Irish and Scottish. when the sun hit my hair it made it look goldeny brown with strands of firey red in it. my hair was long. i liked it that way. i looked better with long hair.
my eyes. my eyes were blue. a dark blue. a dull dark blue, that maybe looked like they had grey in it. they werent very big. i wish they were. i wish they were big and round and noticable. just not too big.
my lips were very pink. sometimes they were so ピンク they looked red. and the shape of them. well, its kinda hard to explain. have あなた ever seen Matt Dillon? well, my lips sometimes look like his.
my nose. it wasnt very long. it was sorta skinny. i dont complain about my nose. its fine.
i was a very pale girl. i didnt get very much sun. i was so pale that in 7th grade a kid made fun of me for it. "maybe we should call her Casper the Ghost instead," i remember the kid said. it made me mad, but not self-concious. i personally liked my paleness.
im a very short girl too, like i 発言しました before. im alot shorter than most people i know. but my parents and family say im tall. i dont see it.
im not a very pretty person. sometimes i look pretty. sometimes i dont. i guess it depends. i just dont know what it depends on though. all my フレンズ say im pretty and so do my folks. but, i guess its their job to say i am. but i know im not very good-looking. but i can look sorta pretty sometimes, like i 発言しました before.
"im ugly, arent i?" i asked Ponyboy out-of-the-blue. his eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me through the mirror.
i didnt mean to ask that question. i have a fake mantal illness, as i call it, where i ask 質問 that i dont mean to ask at ランダム times. but, truth be told, i AM a partially mentaly crazy person...i think. there somethings i do that normal people dont.
"what?" he asked. he put his hands on my shoulders and spun me around so i would face him. i didnt look up at him. i stared at his collarbone. it was eye-level. "no," he 発言しました slowly. he also sounded a little angry.
"i didnt mean to ask, Ponyboy," i whispered. but i dont think he heard me.
"no, Amber. no. あなた are NOT ugly! why would あなた think that?"
"i-i dont know, Pony. but i am. i know it."
he sighed and lifted my chin so our eyes met. "look at me," he commanded. how could i not listen? so i did. i nodded. he took his hand away from my chin. "you are a VERY pretty girl. あなた are not ugly. あなた are one of the most good-looking girls i have EVER seen. i mean, come one, your a doll."
i laughed. "better than チェリー Valance?" i asked. no one could compete with her.
"way better." i beamed on the inside. he thought i was pretty than Cherry. i couldnt believe it. suddenly, i felt myself get woozy and a bit dizzy.
"boy, am i tired," i 発言しました to him. i went and sat on my bed. he sat down 次 to me.
"yeah, i kinda am too," he said. i looked at my digital alarm clock. the red numbers read 12:02.
"well," i started. "i dont want あなた to walk back to Janes's in the dark, Ponyboy, so youre gonna have to stay here for the night."
"really? what about your folks? and your sister?"
"oh, well i'll just leave my door closed. my parents never come in if its closed. and they go to work super early. they dont think to say goodbye. あなた dont have to worry about them. and my sister is at another sleepover. shes never here. she practically lives at her フレンズ house. eleven-year-olds. what are あなた gonna do about them?"
"are あなた sure?" ポニー asked again.
"yes, Ponyboy. its fine. i mean, like あなた 発言しました yesterday, im like a friend youve known for two years instead of two days--well, now its technically been four days, but あなた get my point. あなた can even sleep on my bed. i dont care."
Ponyboy went and layed on the right side of my single bed. i lied 次 to him.
"good night, Ponyboy," i said, with my eyes closed.
"good night, Amber."
heres yet another poem that i wrote. enjoy!
i cried when i looked at the sky
it reminded me of あなた
my tears were hot with 愛
and affection for あなた
i want あなた so bad, honey
youre all ive ever wanted
but i guess thats too much to ask
God wont give me you, im haunted
so i stay up at night with あなた によって my side
but thats only a dream
its never anything real
baby, i wish あなた knew me
if only あなた were real in my reality
youre real in my imaginatin
but 空想 isnt enough
i want your affection
i really do wish あなた knew who i am
but your 愛 i will never get
your affection i will never feel
but, before, we HAVE met
i read about your story
and i truly am sorry
あなた suffered a great loss and your pain i feel
and i wanted to say to you: Ponyboy, あなた are the 作者 of your own life story
i cried when i looked at the sky
it reminded me of あなた
my tears were hot with 愛
and affection for あなた
i want あなた so bad, honey
youre all ive ever wanted
but i guess thats too much to ask
God wont give me you, im haunted
so i stay up at night with あなた によって my side
but thats only a dream
its never anything real
baby, i wish あなた knew me
if only あなた were real in my reality
youre real in my imaginatin
but 空想 isnt enough
i want your affection
i really do wish あなた knew who i am
but your 愛 i will never get
your affection i will never feel
but, before, we HAVE met
i read about your story
and i truly am sorry
あなた suffered a great loss and your pain i feel
and i wanted to say to you: Ponyboy, あなた are the 作者 of your own life story
あなた were actually close to Soda. Danny played with Grace and Logan all the time. あなた couldn’t even begin to imagine how they felt.
あなた hear the front door open. Darry was ホーム now. あなた take another deep breath, and sit at the キッチン table.
Just breathe.
He walks into the kitchen. “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” He asks, setting down his wallet and keys.
あなた swallow. “I got a call.” Is all あなた manage to say.
“About?” He asks, eyebrows raised.
“Soda’s dead.” あなた blurt out.
The look on Darry’s face would haunt your memory for the rest of your life.
He just sat down on the floor in pure shock, mouth open, eyes wide.