こんにちは あなた people that cheat on アイコン Contests and/or have multiple accounts, can yall like just use your other accounts to ファン this club so I can reach a number which theyll let me add a background XD Thatd be cool fam
Jk jk. Id be もっと見る annoyed that the ファン count would be a poor representation of the people who are / were interested in this club
Personally, part of the reason the reason I am working mostly on my trauma and PTSD and recovering from it over all the other stuff I have is because Im like 90% sure pretty much every other issue of mine has strong roots in 発言しました trauma.
If I try to knock those out, theyll just come back sooner または later if the thing they are rooted in isnt fixed first. Do such a thing is like trying to remove weeds によって clipping them in half.
I'm going through my YouTube "Watch Later" which is pretty much a 一覧 of 動画 I saved cos I likeed them and felt Id like to see them again in the future, so if I post a lot of 動画 on this club, thats why
Seriously though. Its been a while since I spent 50% of the time Im awake being mildly depressed または down / low mood for no reason and if あなた remove the time Im distracted, its probably a good 80% of the time.
Sometimes it goes from mildly to kinda badly at night if Im not on my A game at countering it but... eh.
Also my scale of "mild to severe" depression might be skewed cos Im referencing it off past experiences and mannnn was a bad before.
Honestly my dad going back to actually laying a hand on my mom is really all it takes. Im like... pretty sure I might just call social services on my dad so I can perhaps go to UC Davis feeling like Im not leaving my mom alone to be beat
Part of the reason and manner I managed to repair my mental health and stay mostly in a good mood is cause I got really good at deciphering which thoughts were necessary and which werent and avoided letting the unnecessary negative ones linger
But honestly when they last a whole day, morning to night, it gets kinda hard to keep the energy to constantly decipher which it is and sort it and mentally focus on not letting it get to you.
I honeslty do not handle the social isolation (or rather demand for me to actually go and put effort into talking to people), lack of a set schedule and goal, weather, and amount of time at ホーム I get in summer
It just really makes summer really bad for my mental health and shit. Especially with college being added among all that for my brain to try to make me anxious または depressive over.
It was starting yesterday and it put SO much effort to it today
Also I dunno if I sound like it, but I dont hate YandereDev または anything. Its just a bit of a shattered image I had before. I still do appreciate his work towards things and his ability to chase his dream and all, plus I understand where he is coming from. I just disagree with his personality and his actions.
Personally, Im still going to follow its development, but yeah.
Dissociation feels like that really disorientating feel when あなた were REALLY deeply asleep または engrossed into your dream and wake up completely confused as to where あなた are, who everyone is, and whats going on for a good few seconds
Cept it isnt a few 秒 and あなた werent asleep
"Why didnt あなた just leave? Why didnt あなた tell someone?"
I was kinda watching a Doki Doki Natsuki ファン game episode randomly and those 質問 came up and honestly, when it comes to child abuse - または abuse overall, there is a lot that goes into it. Especially if it has been long term. At that point, あなた dont say anything and dont leave because its the normal and everyone あなた live around seems to feed into that 'normal'. Sometimes they let あなた know doing so would make things worse. etc.
Honestly, I dont even know what my brain was または where I was in the past years.
Like... Seriously, especially in 9th grade, I was literally like... crazy. I really should have had a therapist then. But to be fair, 9th and 11th grade werent that far apart in how badly I should have had a therapist. XD Just I had one in 11th grade. Who knows how bad 11th grade could have been without one
Honestly though, I dont really like eating with my whole family または doing family events without my boyfriend simply because I just feel out of place, awkward, and like a sore thumb. It usually just feels like Im intruding または just dont simply mesh with the people there and the conversations they talk about so I honestly kinda avoid eating with them.
Thus why I kinda DONT want a graduation dinner. Its just... eh.
So i have my sims on Free Will and try not to intervene much out of guiding them to fufill wishes and I ended up on a 日付 with one of my RP characters since he asked me out
>character is known for being mentally unstable and psychotic / psychopathic >arrives to a completely empty lot >empty lot is によって クロス roads >tries to watch a movie but instead goes to tour the theatre >dumpster dives with date >gets nauseous and vomits >chases deer >apparently the 日付 ended at some point
Once you've gotten to the point of hating yourself and wanting to die and trying stuff recommended for BFRB, 鸚鵡, オウム feather pulling, self mutilation, and drug addiction to stop plucking, あなた gain a large resistance to the disheartening feels of a relapse since its hard to hold yourself accountable または to have your hopes dropped when あなた kinda never had them high in the first place
I was going to take a shit before ベッド and I was like "Geesh my legs are hairy. あなた know I could let off some tension によって shaking small really hairy patches on my leg instead of pluckign which is 99.99% healthier"
Then look shaved a little too much
So then I just 発言しました fuck it and shaved a chunk to make it even
Then 発言しました fuck it and shaved the whole left カーフ, ふくらはぎ to make it look right
Then realized I had to do the same to my right カーフ, ふくらはぎ
Theres this dog I was helping watch for a few hours for reason I cant elaborate for and apparently hes super scared of and barks / tries to bite 98% of strangers excluding my older sister and apparently me.
In fact, he kissed my face within like... 15 秒 of knowing me cos I gave him like.... 5 秒 to sniff my hand, 5 秒 of head scratch, then like went right up to his face XD
あなた see, I know Im an extrovert - a highly selective one at that - because my definition of "me time" isnt 読書 a book, watching TV, または doing something on my own
It usually refers to time being によって the computer または doing casual calm stuff like walks または watching TV with people I find relaxing, simple, and can be comfortable around and just lounge doing nothing
RARELY do I ever think of actually spending "me time" alone
Also, after the band banquet, I am glad to leave behind a legacy in the band and school. I raised so many children and so many of them are major band leaders, people taking part in activities, and major people in the school.
Honestly I just kind of want to talk about something. A lot of my band knows me as the Rookie Collector / Dad / Satan and all that stuff, and its very fitting and everything. I put A LOT of work into gaining those titles
But really, there was one person - Jacob Gordon - who literally probably put my character on the path to the nice place it is now もっと見る than most others. He was the person that took ME in as a rookie and honestly was the person that made me want to stay in band
"Imbeciles... あなた would knowingly shackle your ハート, 心 to a chain of memories born of lies? あなた would be one who has a heart, yet cast aside your heart's freedom?! あなた turn from the truth because your ハート, 心 is weak.... あなた will never defeat me!"
Literally have been listening to those 34 秒 on repeat as my "music" for the past three days.
Honestly, there was a point when Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts felt like a really large extended metaphor for the extreme emptiness and apathy I had so there was actually a point when I mentally had the entire concept of Organization XIII on my relatable 一覧 XD
Dude so hyped for the 次 アイコン round. Just made probably the most complex アイコン that took the most time for me to make in a long while if over all. 11 layers on pixlr to make it and I personally think I captured what I meant to display pretty well.
Honestly though. My older-middle sister seems to have gone from spoiled to "princess" "Im entitled to ____".
Like Im not kidding, she claimed to have a right to have a reserved restaurant graduation celebration in Beverly Hills with all her フレンズ being paid for my my parents with none of the money coming from her own pocket または her フレンズ pocket
Plus she was SUPER upset me and my oldest sister were pointing out how expensive that is
Well apparently I tested on my Math Placement test with 7 points higher than the minimum for the hardest class I could take and 3 higher than the minimum Trig sub score XD
I mean Imma go for the 秒 hardest since Math 21M says "Should only be considered if あなた got a 5 on the AP Calculus BC exam" and I got a 3 on that one XD So Imma be 安全, 安全です and not kill myself the first 年
I am honestly so damn sick of everyone being home. When I go off to UC Davis, I am going to like... intentionally avoid coming ホーム as much as I can and when I have to, avoid coming ホーム when others are.