Riku114 Wall

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Riku114 発言しました …
A lot of me working on Impulse Control and managing compulsions is going "Do we actualky need to do this as much as we physically feel we do? No? Then dont do it. 'Just this last time' is never true and あなた know it so start now. Go do something else and learn to sit with the discomfort. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Revolving looking up Danganronpa stuff and plucking, Ive actually managed to redirect and prevent myself from breaking to it and its actually been a pretty successful process to go through. Its had a like 100% success rate on a smalk impulse thing like Danganronpa but Im trying to apply it to Trich a bit もっと見る to see. The time I did it with Trich I dodnt pluck for like... five 分 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
It personally might work and I might test it with some of my other compulsions 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its also considered a type of Exposure Therapy I suppose? 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Story time

My boyfriend was being stupid and making stupid (yet hilarious) jokes while I was eating grapes and I just looked down at him cos he was in my lap and started trying to shove grapes in his mouth against his will to shut him and his bad (still hilarious) jokes up and all XD and he was like "NOOOO NOOOO NOOOO RAPEEEEE"

And I was like "NO ITS GRAPE" all seriously

Then there was a moment of silence before he lightly hit my head cos it was a stupid pun XD XD XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Seems like a pretty good one to me XD !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also pretty sure 雲, クラウド will survive cos 2 hours later hes back to living life like normal and tweeting at me when I checked up on him in the middle of the night XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That is certainly great to know !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
検索 up the danganronpa characters in v3 あなた wanna see 画像

Me: No I dont wanna risk spoilers

do it または else I will...

Chest: *tenses up*

Me: *sweating profusely* Well I mean... since あなた are trying to use physical things to force my impulses.... I guess I have to tell あなた to FUCK OFF. I am working on my impulse control. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But yeah Im getting better at it. Ive been able to resist to the urge to look up V3 characters for the most part XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Not even for the most part 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I think entirely actually 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That makes me proud !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
あなた know I actually thought my mom was being a bit of a lazy bad owner when she 発言しました she would probably just flour it, but now that I'm thinking of it, she probably genuinely doesnt get the procedure to it.

Cause when I was doing it I have her hold him down so I can focus on pulling the feather, but she asked me how to hold him and restrain him and I was like "On his back, then stretch the wing out and hold it there with your fingers または other hand" 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Cos I thought it was common knowledge and/or instinctual for someone who had birds as long as her, but I think the procedure, as simple as I find it to be, probably seems a lot もっと見る complicated to someone who doesnt pretty much help out at the Wild Animal equivalent to the ER. 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Lucy: *singing after I cover them up*

Me: *checks on them* Ugh go to sleep. あなた have an elderly wounded bird there.

Lucy: Oh hi mom

Cloud: *looks over at me as if nothing just happened* Oh hi Riku

Me: >.> Well あなた suddenly look all fine. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Just saved Cloud's life for the 秒 time this month. This time it was REALLY bad though. He either fell off his branch when sleeping または got scared and jumped but he broke three blood feathers in his wings - two of which were primary feathers - and ロスト two flight feathers without breakign them

The bottom of the cage, had blood everywhere and when I took him out I got blood all across my forearm and hand 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Hes lucky (and I am too) that he has a future bird vet as an owner cos I respond really quickly and am good at handling it. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
My mom even admitted if it was her she would have just floured the wing and hoped for the best over the night 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Ill update あなた all tomorrow if I remember if he survived. He seems happy and relaxed now so I think I got all of it and it stopped bleeding 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Man... Imma miss my boyfriend when I go off to college. Without him who will make the stupid unnecessary over done jokes and being 全体, 全体的です a cute stupid jackass? Who will take the jokes I set up and make the stupid joke I was intending to be said? WHO WILL BE MY PARTNER IN CRIME FOR MAKING THE WORLD CRINGE AT JOKES THAT ARE SO BAD THEY ARE GREAT?!?!?! 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Btw when it comes to him "Jackass" is a compliment and kinda akin to "smartass" XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But seriously Imma set up so many jokes irl out of habit and no one is going to take them and Ill be sitting there sad. Like we never planned it または organized it but we run this duo of me pretty much making a lot of set up jokes for stupid commentary または puns または whatever XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly this is all so silly. When あなた think about it. Kinda childish at it too.

I should stop playing around and just fully leave it behind. Its a waste of my time and energy. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
*When あなた think about it, kinda 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Good riddance 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly, if I wasn't so aware its not what I want and its temporary, my parents would literally make me want to kill myself. The way they act just get me into a "I just hate it all. Fuck it its not worth trying." moodset and if I didnt have a natural flowing "Its only temporary and youll be out of the house soon and able to live your life", Id get into major depressive modes and probably borderline suicidal so often because of them 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Oh yeah huh, I just remembered I was literally triggered によって a really small happy thing at my boyfriends house earlier today and pretty much distracted myself out of it so I wouldnt fall into a panic attack または anything XD

Seriously tho. I dont think I can say I dont have PTSD at least to a degree no matter how much my brain wants to tell me I dont XD I literally got triggered によって my boyfriend's dad hugging and being affectionate to the toddler theyve been nanny-ing for two years 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like at first such a small thing was like "wait what the fuck" and then from there it just hit like a train and was not fun but Im like... the best at dissociation and distracting myself and kinda brought myself back as I hurridly forced myself to NOT think about it no matter what anytime it started coming into my head 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like yikes I barely remember it but yikes 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
HA IM NOT A FRESHMEAT IN COLLEGE TECHNICALLY. MY AP SCORES HAVE ME LISTED AS A SOPHOMORE FITE ME 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Mmm... Fresh blood !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: If she really manages to do get us as roommates, I am going to get her flowers, no question.

Roommate: SAME. If she manages to help us out of the 500 other students trying to get help, we have to do something

Me: I mean... do あなた think... we could get the band??? I mean its my always go to as a bando, but we are freshmen and lack connections so would we able to pull that off so early?

Us: Screw it. We will do it. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Update: Still struggling to understand psychosis to the level I wish to. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I honestly 愛 my roommate tbh 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I mean the one that will be my roommate - not my current ones XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: I need to get back to learning / figuring out 3D Modeling at some point

Boyfriend: あなた do realize あなた dont need to have EVERY skill and EVERY hobby in existence right? 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
It is kinda funny when you're making that post with that specific アイコン !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
^ .... okay that is true XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I give like at least 50% of credit / blame to my extreme burst in drive to Kevin Laue.

Cos seriously I wasnt so gunho about it until he spoke at my school on a 日 I was really kinda depressed and his speech brought forth my first firm goal and plan for the ideology of "Passing the Torch" that I have still to today

And just like the goal and planning and actively reaching for that was so satisfactory that I just branched it out into so many other things 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I need to watch his documentary at some point. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Within all my memory issues and everything, I will have him have a permanent name in my book of my life. He lit my torch as Im sure he has many others. Hes a truely remarkable man. 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly part of the reason Im as driven as I am is I strongly appreciate action over words. あなた can SAY あなた will graduate. あなた can SAY あなた will eat better. あなた can SAY あなた wont be a dick. あなた can SAY あなた will eat only one もっと見る chip. あなた can SAY あなた will listen and help. あなた can SAY あなた wont force someone to do something.

Its a whole other thing about actually doing it. I respect people who actually do rather than just talking または just planning. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
That plus あなた really never get anywhere if あなた just talk and make promises to others and yourself if あなた arent willing to actually take active action to follow through 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Oh and birds duh 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Personally I wont say my drive is necessarily 100% good and I wont say I am not sometimes scared of how extreme it can be, but Im also not gonna say I dont think its good for me. 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Pretty much Munakata is honestly a pretty good representation of me put under a lot of responsibility and pressure, put in a dire action-calling situation, with an ego put on 上, ページのトップへ of it.

I think the main issue thats in his hands is he believes hes is the ONE and ONLY Hope.

But nah Munakata is almost creepily like me. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: *making predictions on Danganronpa V3 characters* "Well she has the ahegao that all the main protagonists hav- .... backtrack. I am pretty sure ahegao is not the antennae but that hentai mind break thing. That would be an extremely different thing and image. One second"

Me: "Ah Ahoge. That sounds right." 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also RIP Jet Black's account 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Oh boiii... We'll be seeing him in a new Account a few days from now at least, I guess !!!! 1年以上前
BlindBandit92 コメントしました…
Not surprised. Dude can't figure out which ユーザー名 he wants lol 1年以上前
JetBlack__ コメントしました…
^ I need to stop XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: こんにちは can I get some help, I was put in a triple with people that give me extreme anxiety cos of my GAD and PTSD and I could use some アドバイス how to get out

Eメール I get in Response: Triple dorms arent bad! Heres why they arent bad!

Me: .... thanks.... i guess...? 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I swear my stress level will be at a constant like... two notches higher than it usually is until I get verified that I am at least in a better room placement または even better if Im in a room with my roommate.

Like its not horrible but Imma be constantly having that bugging me in the back of my head.

If I didnt get better at handling my anxiety it would be killing me, but since Im better at it, its not THAT bad. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I literally wish I could put "Literally just give me and my roommate a kinda nice cardboard box and we will both be happy" 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
link 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
THAT COULD BE US DAVIS BUT あなた ARE IN THE WAY 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
"Welp [redacted] is gonna die. Shes been too supportive and too likable."

*[redacted] isnt killed*

"Welp i didnt call it I gue-"

*[redacted] died another way*

"RING RING MOTHERFUCKER. I CALLED IT" 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
The Death Flag had been raised. Its vibes were too strong !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: Yo Lefteris what episode are we on? 7 または 8?

Lefteris: About to see 8. .... WAIT 9 DAMN IT RIKU

Me: :v shhh my memory is crap. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
wait shit I forgot to put Lefteris' exclamation marks. Its not accurate :V 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Wait if we were gonna see 8 why didnt we bring ducks- //shot// 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Lmao. ^ We are going to bring the ducks once they get through the Games !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
あなた know, earlier I was at Walmart getting like... college stuff and there was this health machine thing to see your age in health and I always take those just mostly out of tradition and all XD

And for the first time in a long time the 質問 like "How often this 月 have あなた been depressed" または "felt like things were going horribly wrong" または "felt あなた couldnt keep up / manage your stress" and stuff like that to which I was able to say "rarely" または "none at all" 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Well I doubt none at all cos Im a mental health mess and I do tend to have it at least a bit and all, but like man... 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Ever since I started being most dedicated to myself and my health above all else - academics, achievement, and other people - my life has been wonderful. Never thought it was possible before to be completely honest 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That's certainly good to know. The progress あなた have made and will continue to do so is always great to see !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
[its so weird my dad keeps complimenting me over my skill with money and future planning]

[im not used to compliments from him]
投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
WHY DO I LIKE LOOKING FOR JOBS FOR MY BOYFRIEND

WHY DO I LIKE MANAGING AND PLANNING FINANCES

WHY DO I LIKE DOING ADULT-Y STUFF

ITS NOT NATURAL 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
My boyfriend コメント a lot on how Im honestly a bit of a schmoozer. And like... Im not entirely denying it. I 愛 getting along with the people in charge, but its just because I like to be involved in leadership stuff if Im not the leader and because people who lead tend to be the type of people I get along with the best.

Its not like I am doing it for the benefits alone, its just the natural way I am. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
If Im not the leader または admin, I like to be the moderator または help them like a moderator. Helps keep things in order since I know its hard even for them, and it helps them understand and work with me if they know me 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Thus why I tend to be similar to the 'teachers pet' and 'favorite regular' at places. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I was honestly a sociopath または something a few years ago. So glad I woke myself up from that 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Debating what game to play now that I finished Pandora...

I really wanna start Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma, but Imma start Danganronpa V3 in probably like... a 月 または less and I dont think I should tire myself of that Genre

Hakuoki is too long to start with Danganronpa coming up and Psycho Pass I need to watch the アニメ first. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
So then I have Root Double, Her Smile Beyond the Twilight, Mayajasmine, Eden, and Blood Code. Could always go back and do もっと見る of Sickness または give Men of Yoshiwara another torturous go または do もっと見る of Pastry 恋愛中 but.... eh 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I think Ill go with Her Smile Beyond the Twilight 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Since あなた loved Danganronpa, I'm pretty sure あなた are really going to like Zero Escape as well. They share quite a few similarities between them. Totally recommend it !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
And so we begin my transition into college where college will be my main focus and integrating and adjusting will be the main focus until the end of the first quarter around like... December または whatever XD

Gotta get all I need for college together
Gotta get my roommate stuff settled out
Gotta go to band camp
Gotta adjust my relationship for long distance
Gotta get used to the campus and classes
Gotta make good friends
Gotta figure out communal bathroom life
etc etc 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Fuck it XD Since my brain is up for an anxiety attack cos of this, Imma just drop the conversation and head straight to the people in charge of student housing with the issue.

Rather than waiting または sitting on it and contemplating, Imma just get information right from the source. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Riku's all fun, nice, charismatic, and someone people like to be around, but that is only until something that is perceived as a threat enters the situation. Then its cold, questioning, sometime crude and harsh, and 全体, 全体的です distant and distrustful until 発言しました perceived threat is either gone または satiated.

Then its also a matter of if my logical side says "Yes, it is a threat" "Not sure if it is または isnt" または "Stfu あなた are stupid. Its not a threat" 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Those three determine how much of a filter is on the cold swap and how hard I stick to / try to get out of my defensive mode XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
.... is my brain literally considering going on an anxiety attack over this??? Stfu brain XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
It wants to hide behind "comfortable roommate" XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: Ugh thats an annoying way. Ah well, lets work with it. And be nice in case we do end up with the-

Brain: ITS A THREAT. ITS AN ATTACK. HISS. HISS. DEFENSIVE. DONT TRUST. DONT TRUST. DEFENSE DEFENSE

Me: ...

Me: .... Lets be nice and be charismati-

Brain: THREAT. DONT TALK. IGNORE. AVOID. DEFENSIVE. DEFENSIVE. DONT LIKE. DONT LIKE.

Me: Its okay not to like it but we still need a good first impression. Also its not an actual threa-

Brain: THREEEEAAAAATTTT

Me: ... >.> okay 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Literally though XD I hate how they approached me so much XD It puts me in such a corner and I dont like feeling like Im in a corner. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Im in such a defensive mode right now 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
My brain with its trust issues, extreme vulnerability issues, and shit is irrationally 読書 it as a personal attack and threat XD Its so stupid XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
AH FUCK MAN.

Im fine with it when its on here and all but unexpected, unsolicited approaches to me related to things and people I have to deal with irl spook the fuck out of me and put me on guard so damn quickly

I like to watch, analyze, and select for at least a few 分 before interacting

Strangers suddenly trying to be my friend without me having anything to look after before hand and even もっと見る so when I wasnt expecting it is just ugh. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I got put into a Triple dorm apparently with two people I dont know and they approached me before I even knew assignments were out using my personal phone number >.> 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Requests to switch are apparently common and apparently decently handled most of the time but yikes. 0/10 poor way to start an interaction with me :v Two people I dont know ganging up on me and tlaking like they already know each other :v 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
ESPECIALLY if Im not the one that brought it together 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: Man Im tired. Long drive and too tired to explain stuff

Also Me: Imma research jobs for the 次 two hours to make my boyfriend's life easier.

Also Me After That: Now to start planning my college finances

Me: This is fun and relaxing. *not sarcastic* 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also dude, I got my oldest sister to agree to buy me a $32 Cockatiel ハーネス so Lucy will be slowly trained to be a bird I can go on walks from. Its a bit of a stretch tho since I know hes a hardcore agoraphobic rn XD

If I cant get him comfortable with going out on my shoulder によって the time CMHS' band camp starts, then Ill jsut bring Smokey to my old children since she used to go out with me WITHOUT a ハーネス and didnt fly off 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Good old times with Smokey when she was younger and less flock-orientated and もっと見る of a companion bird XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
She had もっと見る energy and could handle going out better cos she was younger and I didnt have to worry much at all of her flying away XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
IM ホーム HALLELUJAH.

The trip was A LOT of fun. Something of the most fun and relaxing vacations Ive had in a while, and thats coming from me, someone who tends to hate and, もっと見る accurately put, fear vacations XD

Plus I got Pandora Hearts completed since I downloaded it before hand and wow that was a great ending XD Made my mood even better for that night that I slept

Plus spending four nights and three full days (five partial) with my boyfriend and his family is always awesome 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Welcome back, Riku. Glad to know about your progress and that あなた had a good time !!!! 1年以上前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
annyeong Riku, thats good to know that あなた are doing great!!! And I am happy あなた had alot of fun and sleep 1年以上前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
and あなた enjoyed ya trip with fam and playing hehe<3 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
This drive back is literally the worst :v Its normally a 6-8 時 drive and I think its now nearly a 12 時 one due to traffic 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Rikus on her way back ホーム bb 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Have a 安全, 安全です return, Riku. Hope あなた enjoyed yourself to the fullest !!!! 1年以上前
2ntyoneplts 発言しました …
Hi its been a while. Im just here to quickly say a big thanks for everything youve done. Carry on. So this is goodbye from me dude. Im leaving. So ya take care. Stay Alive <3 ||-// 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Youre welcome <3 Im glad I could help. Feel free to come によって whenever. This club, my inbox, and the Mental Health フォーラ is always there with open arms for あなた 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Off camping for a while. Prolly wont be on mich for the 次 few days 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Have fun, Riku. Get the most out of it !!!! 1年以上前
JetBlack_ コメントしました…
Have fun :D be 安全, 安全です 🏕 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Thanks XD 愛 yall 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I relate to Nagito drooling over Izuru Kamukura there. Like wowza.

I think Nagito and Munakata summarize my personality pretty well. Then あなた could put either Toko または Izuru in to add extra touches. または both. 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Same for me with the last two although a little bit もっと見る than extra touches. Anyway, both it is. They synchronize pretty well XD !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
[forgot she had like four hours of on and off panic attacks today until Zeppie asked her about it cos she saw the post]

"The Glory of My Memory" XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
But yeah, I felt like I can talk about my boyfriend a tad bit もっと見る since some of あなた have been curious about it a bit and Ive been rather restrained on the topic until lately.

Itll die down a bit once this whole "Opening the door about the relationship to the public" phase fades through, but until then, the door to know about my relationship もっと見る is open XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Cos hes a big part of my life and theres a lot to say about him after being together for nearly a year. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Just a like... two months off. October 20th is the anniversary, which I only remember because the half years is 420 and I'm a child like that. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its kinda creepy but mostly awesome. 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Panic Attacks ; All 日 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Shoutout to Lucy and my boyfriend for most of the 日 support 1年以上前
JetBlack_ 発言しました …
Guys
since I'm really bored right now I'll post some questions__ Enjoy ^^ 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Yass 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Much appreciated, Comrade. Your 質問 are always a treat XD !!!! 1年以上前
JetBlack_ コメントしました…
Np :D 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I am so sleeping in tomorrow

...

inb4 I wake up an 時 earlier than usual naturally 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
To a degree, pain, suffering, depression, and struggle is pleasant. Its a comfortable usual. Its the normal. Its an actual emotion.

When compared to the nothingness I used to have, または the struggle and even greater pain and all that comes with trying to get better, in a way, pain and suffering are the もっと見る pleasant and enjoyable of the two.

In that way, I very much can understand not wanting to get better and personally am not the type to say those that dont want to recover are fake 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
((Even though I might slip it through my mouth in the rage of the people that think mental health is a cool trend and self diagnose unrealistically and make jokes of mental health issues)) 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Despair, in a way, is comfortable. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But thats just a tangent off of the 前 post XD Its not directly related but like.. a tangent of a thought that came up when I was thinking of the last post XD So like a tangent of a tangent 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also STRONGLY related to Izuru Kamakura at a point in my life. Not AS much anymore cause Ive recovered from shit a good deal and found a lot of great things but like... I totally get it man XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Shocking to say, I dont ENTIRELY hate older Monaca または at least... Post Nagito Monaca. I still have major gripes with her in DRAE but her character seems a little LESS 24/7 extremely ear grating and like she was created to piss me off.

Thank あなた Nagito for fixing her up a little bit. I can always rely on you. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Ah honestly, itll be such a relief when September comes around and I can go off to Davis. A lot of my toxic environments vanish pretty well または minimize greatly and Ill actually be able to be me fully in my life. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
AHH. I DID PROGRESSSS

IM SO HAPPY IM NOT KIDDING YOU. I KEPT IT OFF THE CLUB BECAUSE I SOUND SO JADED AND SHIT AT TIME BUT MAN WAS I REALLY LOOSING FAITH BEFORE THIS.

LIKE I WAS FULLY UNDERSTANDING THAT IT WOULDNT GO AWAY UNTIL I ロスト ALL THINGS HOLDING ME BACK AND ALL TRAUMA WAS PROCESSED BEFORE I EVEN GOT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

AND ITS BACK

I FORGOT THAT TRICH USED TO BE A HUGE DEAL FOR ME 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
COS I SHUT OUT HOW BADLY IT FELT TO FAIL AND REALIZED I COULDNT HELP IT AND ACCEPTED IT FOR MY OWN SANITY 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
This is certainly worthy of sharing, Riku. One's improvement is never a small matter. あなた still hold room for so much more. Be glad for every step あなた take along that path. Once again, I'm really happy for あなた !!!! 1年以上前
BlindBandit92 コメントしました…
^ 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
GUYS IM LIKE MAKING PROGRESS ON MY TRICHOTILLOMANIA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES I THINK 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
INSTEAD OF MAGICALLY FINDING MY HAND PLUCKING HAIR, I HAVE THREE TIMES TODAY FOUND MY HAND MAGICALLY PLAYING WITH MY STIM TOYS 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I SAY THREE 分 COS IM SLEEPING SOON 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
IF I CAN STOP SCREAMING 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
On other notes, super hyped for DCI finals tomorrow with my boyfriend XD

Ill finally be free to watch all of them XD Hopes for SCV winning 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Since the private message was rejected, I am highly uncomfortable and not okay with Wanta continue his level of participation in this club and I would really like if people on here would help me in getting that respected since he refuses.

If Im being honest, if I cant feel comfortable in my own club which is like my home, Ill likely leave ファンポップ all together since seeing someone I have bad blood so frequently within a place I call ホーム is really not good for me. 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
I literally refused nothing btw 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Just an update. I broke the friendship with Wanta off. If any yall really want any specifics I might say in PM but for the most part its mostly just an update that I feel yall would wanna know 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
As my input on this. It had nothing to do with my earlier thing where I blanked my プロフィール and icon. That was an unrelated financial issue. In addition this was a mutual decision Riku and I both came to. 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
TFW あなた are managing three really important focus demanding conversations at once and after doing so for like... half an 時 または more, あなた literally start throwing out memories of what was going on in conversations.

I need to cool my brain for a bit XD It cant keep up 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I'm also wondering if I should post like... exactly 20 画像 so my life time ゴールド is 12,345 cos I like shit like that 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Question: Do あなた bite your nails?

Me: *googling: Are humans supposed to have nails?* Its been so long I dont remember 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also arching on the 前 topic a bit, I genuinely think the world is beautiful. Its shitty and unfair, but despite it, its still a beautiful place with so many opportunities to go through.

Its part of why I am driven. I have a limited pass into being part of it, and I want to do as much as I can in the time I have. I want the knowledge it offers. I want the games it gives. I want the art it permits. I want the 愛 it has to give. I want it all, and I cant get it, but I sure will try. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Those that follow my rambles on here a lot will probably remember when I would be like "Its odd, but its almost like a religion at this point that the world is beautiful. I can't see it, but I saw it once and have held onto the belief that its there for so long" and honestly... I think I got out of it. When I was depressed - like really really depressed and suicidal - that beauty was really hard to see. It was pretty much impossible and really hard to even imagine, but I do remember that one time I had among all the bad where I could see it, and stuck with it 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Now Im here and Im so glad I made it here. The struggle is worth it. To undertake extreme pain, discomfort, and worsening suffering to help clear the dirty that darkened and hid the beauty of the world from me, its all worth it. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I still cant say I 100% feel the world is 安全, 安全です and that the world is perfect, but for the latter, its natural and just reasonable and for the former, its a work in progress. 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Amen to that !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I honestly platonically 愛 my roommate already XD Like... I think I will genuinely be able to have a strong genuine friendship with her, and it baffles me to actually have someone other than my boyfriend near me that actually likes me and that I will be able to hang out with.

I used to be a huge person for arguing that online フレンズ are just as real as irl フレンズ (and dont get me wrong, they are), but theres something so special and great about being able to actually be 次 to them 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
To regularly hear them, be によって them, laugh with them, and in the end actually be able to have physical affection like hugs. Like... maybe its my affection depraved self, but just being able to hug someone and to trust them and all... Its like a level of experiencing in the friendship that is hard to get online unless maybe if あなた are frequently voice chatting and probably video chatting. 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
Eh 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
I can understand those feelings. They are only natural. I'm really glad to see あなた continue making progress and express yourself !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Be: *sprayed birds cos they liked it*

Me: *done* *sprays self twice*

Mom: Oh I can spray あなた if あなた go outside

Me: What? No! Stop treating me like a bird

Mom: *sprays me*

Me: こんにちは NO *subconsciously moving closer to make it easier*

Me: *sends up full on letting her spray me cos it feels nice*

Me: ... Im a literal bird 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
*Me not Be 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
Walmart: You’re not busy enough. We’re increasing how many orders あなた get per day”

Me: Yaaaaaay.... 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Phew. After about 2 weeks of working on a hand made birthday present for my boyfriend, I am FINALLY entirely done. Probably banked in like... six 時 into the smaller parts and like... an 時 または two into crafting the entire thing, like an 時 shopping for parts, about $15 into buying parts, and I super glued my fingers together so like...

I think that last one shows how much effort I put into it. Super glue is horrible XD

8-9 total like.. focused hours XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
If I hear "You sound like youve been sexually abused" from my mom one もっと見る time, may it be relatively innocent または not, may she back out of it または not, Imma go ballistic.

Im pretty sure this time was mostly cos shes been watching too much Law and Order SVU and I was genuinely in a really over excessive narrow visioned hatred making it remind her of scenes she saw on there and probably being a regular コメント so I didnt let it get to me too much after telling her how much I hate that line. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But yeah she used to say it a lot ever since those dumb 尻, お尻 group therapists mentioned it after they saw me tear into them for forcing me to talk in front of my mom when they 発言しました they wouldnt force me if I wasnt comfortable 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
Has everyone not yet figured out that I've isolated and taken the facial characteristics of every Danganronpa character in case I ever wanted to put them on things like frankenstein? 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
.... あなた have too much time on your hands 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That's certainl intriguing... 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
Putting Chiaki's eyes on things is too much fun. 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
I'm mad. 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
*pout* 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ ''Welcome to our crazy world of madness'' !!!! 1年以上前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
yupp welcome we sit all in the same ボート ^^ 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
So Imma prolly try to do a normal Sims game with no cheating または anything. I randomized two characters. We have an artist for a dad with some other ランダム traits and a 鍬 of a mom. The child will end up being the character I actually try to raise up properly. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
So my goal as parents is to make a not best standing for the kid starting to add to the challenge. Dad is the money maker with his artist career and the moms gonna be a cheating 鍬 XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
So the dads gonna be the one forced to actually be responsible for the kid and money for the most part XD 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Lets see how this goes 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Centuries have passed since I last played a Sims Game XD Seeing this, made me intrigued in it once again lol !!!! 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
Come on, Hajime. 表示する us your cool side. 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Hajime has always been pretty cool !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly, the もっと見る あなた deal with mental health, trauma, and a really shittily wired mind, the もっと見る あなた develop a tolerance for really lame and boring trolling that あなた cant escape tbh.

Cos like... its like a super annoying troll that knows all the things that can bother あなた and is really good at dressing up like something whose opinion actually matters and whispers (and sometimes shouts) the same things that they know could bother you

And あなた just sit there like... 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
link 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
0:10 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
[this ウォール post was forgotten the 秒 Riku came to write it so this is here によって proxy] 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
So in the end, my goal is to have either an African Grey または Cockatoo from a rescue, my two Cockatiels, and a pigeon XD

Depending on how things go, I might get a Cockatoo and African Grey または maybe some other bird, but thats the plan for birds.

No one can tell me otherwise.

Id also like to have a bird room. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
One of the most amusing moments someone caught me doing is that one time when I was watching cockatoo 動画 on my phone and it did one of those cute happy neck bounces, and then in response cos it made me happy and I found it cute, I did one as well XD

My boyfriend who was 次 to me just looked over and judged me XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Ill get to rating people tomorrow cos Im tired XD Long 日 since my boyfriends cat got euthanized 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Sorry to know about that. What I 発言しました before about your Bird, 雲, クラウド applies in here as well. Hope his Cat lived a contented life. Its memories will remain !!!! 1年以上前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
sleep well Riku hun<3 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
I can't describe it in words, but very often I find the wording choice used in Pandora Hearts to be something I kinda don't like...

Well..not that I don't like it but もっと見る that it feels off to me. 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
"But is it what あなた 発言しました true" 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
That's an example. Pretty sure it's just minor issues with the translation I'm reading. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Oh yeah I noticed that too. Im pretty sure its translation errors and all, but they are minor so I kinda ignore it XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Wow I actually found an アニメ that intrigues me.... I might actually watch it while Wantas working despite 読書 Pandora Hearts and watching Danganronpa 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
FUCK ITS ONGOING 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I HATE LIFE XD I WONT BE INTERESTED によって THE TIME ITS DONE 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Which one are あなた talking about? 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Happy Sugar Life 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
My dad is literally stupid and so ignorant AND arrogant. Like he constantly makes the most outlandish and/or obviously wrong statements / beliefs to explain why he is right, then comes up with outlandish arguments and proof that in themselves are completely wrong and when あなた prove him wrong he just ignores you.

He pulls so much bullshit out of his ass, but its like he doesnt even know it and is certain he is right. He believes FACTUALLY wrong things and gets annoyed when thats pointed out. 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
He sounds like my 10 年 old little sister 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I think 雲, クラウド is getting better btw. 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That's certainly great to know !!!! 1年以上前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
thats good <3 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
I felt メリダとおそろしの森 so I browsed something from V3.

I think I'll relate to Maki Harukawa if the pattern from 前 Danganronpa stuff holds true. 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ I'm curious about that pattern. What exactly is it that gave あなた that idea? 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
Mikan 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ As I have told あなた before, I am pretty sure that Ouma is going to end up being your お気に入り in the new Cast. As for the Relatability, we'll see XD !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
ALSO. I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS BUT I WAS 読書 マンガ WITH LUCY AND HE RANDOMLY WALKED OFF OF ME, POOPED, THEN WALKED BACK ON.

HE MADE AN ACTIVE EFFORT NOT TO POOP ON ME 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog 発言しました …
💩 > Monaca 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Im just fawning over Vincent Nightray.

Its been a while since I fawned and its kinda nice XD A lot of my お気に入り have been REALLY strong ones that get overwhelmingly obsessive and this one is just like ":3 I 愛 Vincent. Look at my Vincent. Hes my favorite. I 愛 Vincent." 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Id collect 画像 but just collecting GIFs were risky enough of spoilers. At least Im like 60% done now. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
My Vincent 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
*10:30 PM*

Bird: *starts 歌う randomly*

Me: *from her desk* こんにちは あなた ARE SLEEPING

Birds: *not a single peep for the 次 hour*

BTW their 'bed time' is at 9 PM XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
This ランダム test Im taking on morality says Im strongly for "rational utilitarianism" 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Between a score of 1-5, I got a below average 2.5 on empathy and a barely above average disgust XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Lucy likes to sit on my butt 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also I 愛 Vincent too much 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Better now. Honestly though, hes a piece of crap. Not vindicitvie または aggressive または anything, but he is literally a piece of crap incapable of functioning as a human being himself and relies on his wife for everything, but at the same time treats the thing that he relies on like trash.

My mom isnt innocent either, but she god damn is the better of two evils. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
https://tinyurl.com/yb4wf7sz 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
^Mood 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
I'm sick rn so feel free to torture me all ya want. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Cos its not good for me to fester on my hatred for him または anything. Cos I know it can get out of hand 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
My dad makes me wish I was dead sometimes to be honest. Not like... suicide but like... really why the fuck was I born with this piece of shit as a father? What kind of responsible parent brings life into this piece of crap? 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
And its not really in a depressed way. Its もっと見る so in an annoyed way. 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its less questioning it but もっと見る so factually stating that I shouldnt have been. Its not a bad thing about me, its just a fact. 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ Well, here's where I disagree. I'm glad about your Existence and wouldn't have it any other way. あなた still have a lot to live for !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: *does appointments once every week like MOST people with mental health have* *get bitched at and insulted until I give in and tell my therapist to go up to two weeks which I know is too long*

My Dad: *has back pain* *goes to chiropractor two times a week - same price as therapist* *thats okay* 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
inb4 Sims 5!

To obtain house building, please buy the "Construction" expansion pack for $60
To obtain personality traits, please buy the "Persona" expansion packs for $60
To obtain different types of windows, please buy the "Should have been in the game" stuff pack for $20

Old news and shit but EA can go to hell XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
We're still gonna play Sims 3 もっと見る tho and see あなた dive around dumpsters right? 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
My leg hair is long. I should shave it at some point when Im not too lazy 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
IM SO FUCKING TENSE.

I NEED something to do. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Ive done NOTHING particulalry productive または worth anything for an 時 and its painful :v Just stupid 動画 that arent even funny and stupid bingos 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its only been an HOUR. This is what I mean によって the fact I cant relax and do nothing. It kills me. 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
#Relatable !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Boredom makes me so uncomfortable, tense, anxious, and often causes me to start getting depressed.

Like ugh. 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Im like literally probably able to like crush a diamond in my hand with how tense I get 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
cause Im not d o i n g a n y t h i n g 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Same. Could never really stand boredom myself !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Has anyone ever had the feeling like their entire sense of stable identity and knowledge on one self shatters?

Its such an uncomfortable feeling and can probably send me into an internal panic if I dont catch myself within like... 5 秒 of the feeling initiating.

My mind passed the old "Wow, あなた almost dont have any signs of trauma. Must of been a lie あなた told yourself または an act あなた put on" thought through and ALMOST there for a 秒 ロスト it 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Honestly Ive gotten a lot better at dealing with that stuff though XD I catch myself really quickly so its been.... a while since I fell for that - または well that one line at least. I fell for it like... a few weeks 前 (? it feels like a 月 前 but that cant be right) with my memory shit XD 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
I have to wonder... at one point does processing the past and working through things change into torture and simply もっと見る harm reminding myself of bad memories.

Cos its one of those very thin line I have to find with my mental health. At what point is it unnecessary distress and at what point is it healthy recognition?

Much like it took me a while to figure out if 書く my mental health journal was helping もっと見る than it was causing me to get obsessed または not. 投稿されました 1年以上前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Processing the past is an important step towards Improvement. Then again, あなた don't achieve any of your Life Goals in a day. Think of it like every other situation. Things require time. Work on yourself but don't overdo it. You'll learn to distinguish that line as long as あなた keep it up !!!! 1年以上前
Riku114 発言しました …
Guys...

My digital hoarding is finally costing me money XD

I found a really good computer that has pretty much everything I want

Cept its like... a fourth of the memory Im used to cos it uses an SSD rather than an HHD XD

I cant part with my obsessive collections. I cant XD 投稿されました 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
So Imma buy a 1 TB HHD and install it into the new computer if I can convince my dad to get me this one I found XD 1年以上前
wantadog コメントしました…
These days any computer that doesnt have both will fall far under the mark in terms of quality 1年以上前
Riku114 コメントしました…
^Thanks for the info guys XD I already knew those things but much appreciated 1年以上前