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Riku114 発言しました …
I hate dealing with trauma ngl, a lot of the time it is waaaaayyy easier to sit behind long establish disconnect from shitty experiences and let it fester until it ruins your life than it is to actually go through the hell of re-experiencing and facing the reality of shit. 投稿されました ·2 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
^ ·2 か月前
J_E_T コメントしました…
Trauma カケス, ジェイ and riku are stronger than あなた think fuck off and stop trying あなた bitch. ·2 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. あなた may be surrounded によって others, but do あなた truly consider any of those people your friend?  投稿されました ·3 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored 投稿されました ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
または few would be able to say anything to help または assist または comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I am not upset によって any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me または help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a パン crumb for others to follow ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing または if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one 日 figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that パン crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it ·4 か月前
LuceOfTheLight 発言しました …
I would like to say that I am によって no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. 投稿されました ·4 か月前
LuceOfTheLight コメントしました…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself または Aderis または even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out ·4 か月前
LuceOfTheLight コメントしました…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system もっと見る often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the 次 time I will be out. ·4 か月前
LuceOfTheLight 発言しました …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. 投稿されました ·4 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Anyone ever sit there and realize あなた are so fucked up and fucked over that あなた probably shouldn't even be alive によって any logical standard? 投稿されました ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. ·4 か月前
Lusamine コメントしました…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes あなた a stronger and wiser person, もっと見る suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. ·4 か月前
LuceOfTheLight コメントしました…
It is how things are for some like us. All あなた can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make あなた a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all あなた can do is 移動する フォワード, 前進, 楽しみにして making the best of the hand あなた were dealt. ·4 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
>tfw あなた are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if あなた were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> 投稿されました ·4 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at ホーム and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks または so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back ホーム and every 日 that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. 投稿されました ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm によって myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am ホーム and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to ·4 か月前
J_E_T コメントしました…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD ·4 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD 投稿されました ·4 か月前
J_E_T コメントしました…
Miss your company...did あなた had fun? xD ·4 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Welcome back! Hope あなた had a great time !!!! ·4 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Yeah it was XD ·4 か月前
_Aderis_ 発言しました …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass クイーン but I prefer the Roast クイーン thank あなた very much. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Happy Fathers 日 to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life または a good one, I'll adopt あなた :v 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Man I need a new アイコン but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck ホーム that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good 日 then one word または one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I honestly cant wait to be ホーム in a little over a week man. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
LuceOfTheLight 発言しました …
Riku says I have to make my アイコン Sakamoto. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv ·5 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
あなた really should !!!! ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered によって the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me または when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that あなた don't even really know. ·5 か月前
_Aderis_ 発言しました …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A 投稿されました ·5 か月前
_Aderis_ 発言しました …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' または 'rude' または 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but あなた know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing または two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
_Aderis_ コメントしました…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. ·5 か月前
_Aderis_ コメントしました…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me または whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. ·5 か月前
_Aderis_ コメントしました…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think あなた are bitches または hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle あなた and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Lusamine コメントしました…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Pfft right? ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if あなた guys are interested. 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the 尻, お尻 of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest 投稿されました ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I dunno, its just hard for me to ラップ my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person もっと見る than anything. ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot もっと見る than I am required to do ·5 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
And its like???? Wow??? ·5 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. あなた can come out and make お茶, 紅茶 if あなた really want it 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three 秒 前 :v ·6 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
FYI Lucille is a お茶, 紅茶 addict ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
こんにちは dudes, for Mental Health Awareness 月 I might try to post a few versions of DID 質問 and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
It is a good feeling when your old friend あなた had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent フレンズ left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: 投稿されました ·6 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Imma ramble about some just ランダム DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless あなた are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go 投稿されました ·7 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not ·7 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my ファンポップ when he is out sometimes, yes this is at あなた :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact または revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v ·7 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets ロスト in time ·7 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Oh こんにちは dude! I have a 上, ページのトップへ Contributor thing now on my club's ホーム page! Thats actually pretty cool XD 投稿されました ·7 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Its kind of nice being ホーム and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - 与えられた my middle sister isnt also ホーム 投稿されました ·7 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
あなた know a lot of あなた guys are actually like a genuine family to me もっと見る than yall probably think あなた all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - または at least didn't firmly スプリット, 分割 / solidify - before ファンポップ existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around あなた guys like one would with family 投稿されました ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression または did I just dissociate from it? 投稿されました ·8 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
Ohhhh man. Relatable ·7 か月前
2ntyOnePilots 発言しました …
Ok so... I hav3 a 質問 that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? 投稿されました ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD ·8 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Aye drop によって any 質問 XD ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; 投稿されました ·8 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ ·8 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
all the best for あなた ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I lowkey 愛 that the 日 I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The 日 my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD 投稿されました ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Inb4 "Oh looks like あなた just have a brain tumor" ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly if any of あなた guys have any 質問 on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate 質問 投稿されました ·8 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
I have a question. Did あなた ever finish the 記事 あなた wrote, and where might I find it? lol ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my 一覧 of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD ·8 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. 投稿されました ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou 投稿されました ·8 か月前
Economnomnomics コメントしました…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could あなた forget about me, Riku. ·8 か月前
Economnomnomics コメントしました…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Man I had a four 日 weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done 投稿されました ·8 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
^ ·8 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I 宇宙 out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands または arms または away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. 投稿されました ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four または five years now 投稿されました ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! ·9 か月前
simrananime 発言しました …
Joined^^ 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Aye sweet ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
That feeling when あなた were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that あなた THOUGHT あなた were fully present for some parts cause あなた forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille または Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like.... when あなた have もっと見る than one present up in the front and are dissociated, あなた cant really get into life and do exactly what あなた want to do regularly. あなた cant REALLY perceive all your emotions または your needs または the world around あなた cause even if あなた are semi-present, its like there is an overload and あなた only get half of whats being picked up. あなた are kind of stuck at a skin deep level ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Once again, I'm really happy to see あなた like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! ·9 か月前
heart
GDragon612 発言しました …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Thanks XD ·9 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
ya welcome XD ·9 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
throws ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
"I honestly just see myself もっと見る of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from アニメ characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three または four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if あなた were to ask me. 投稿されました ·9 か月前
heart
GDragon612 発言しました …
just one もっと見る ファン then あなた got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics ジュース =3) 投稿されました ·9 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
hwaiting*-*<3 ·9 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
will open<<< ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
MY FIANCE 発言しました I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS 投稿されました ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Yeee! One もっと見る person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: Man I never write 記事 anymore. I still have like three または four half completed 記事 to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for 書く and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand または two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Lusamine 発言しました …
Joined! 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Welcome! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Lusamine コメントしました…
I know, I was sad too. ·9 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
;-; ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly によって that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck によって myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so あなた can take a break once and a while would be great 投稿されました ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples あなた have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family または Friends, irl People または Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed あなた towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to あなた and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my ホーム for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which あなた couldn't tell if you'd win または lose...I am grateful to あなた Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat ポップコーン and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards お茶, 紅茶 and フルーツ since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some フルーツ and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Im not living am I? 投稿されました ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Man I havent 投稿されました on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Relatable XD !!!! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Im in 愛 投稿されました ·10 か月前
GDragon612 コメントしました…
with your boyfriend または your birds Rikubun <3 ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
#TripleLove !!!! ·9 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? 投稿されました ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
link ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Personally, I identify もっと見る masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with もっと見る male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE ファン of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once あなた get past 38D its really not 安全, 安全です to bind ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
“I wish we met before they convinced あなた life is war.” 投稿されました ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Relatable !!!! ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I have a cheese addiction tbh 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Zeppie コメントしました…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated モッツァレラ, モッツァレラチーズ I find this relatable v: ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
^^ ·10 か月前
JetBlack__ 発言しました …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
XD Im alright man XD ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good 音楽 to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't あなた think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord または something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
2ntyOnePilots コメントしました…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ·9 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; 投稿されました ·10 か月前
JetBlack__ コメントしました…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and 空想 up different potential characters legit for the 次 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff 投稿されました ·10 か月前
BlueDopamine コメントしました…
ok, Anna ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
:vv Dont call me によって my first name ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
または well real name I suppose XD ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a ランダム appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this または Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD ·10 か月前
Rihanna312 コメントしました…
Welp, this is the third 年 when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if あなた have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck 投稿されました ·10 か月前
JetBlack__ コメントしました…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
"There is no victory for the passive" 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Fresh Owari no Seraph プロフィール 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Shukuya コメントしました…
Looks cool! ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! ·10 か月前
JetBlack__ コメントしました…
It’s perfect. ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's ジャケット in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty 分 later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, あなた just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
After all these, anyone who still can't see あなた being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
YES I AM STILL THE クイーン OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the 日 before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly 愛 my fiance. The もっと見る I think about it, the もっと見る of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Im just lucky to have him ·10 か月前
Zeppie コメントしました…
So sweet ❤ ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get もっと見る of the series in the future but I dunno 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best フレンズ with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot または something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including フレンズ of mine at the time. ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I remember some of my other フレンズ at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Legit my first PROOF backed ロスト memory and its kinda..... odd?? ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Bruh solid クリスマス this year. 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I honestly hate wasting time ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. ·10 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations または not ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
こんにちは guys I'm not dead I swear 投稿されました ·10 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be もっと見る fun just to chill with my boi ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for もっと見る than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry フォーラム and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can もっと見る accurately レポート it 投稿されました ·11 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I might be kind of between fragments または something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting ファンポップ ランダム 質問 because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. 投稿されました ·11 か月前
TheLefteris24 コメントしました…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
SAIX DESERVES もっと見る 愛 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered によって my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years 前 and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I 発言しました I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered によって it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I recover from rather fast ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
によって the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Tfw あなた have to talk with your therapist over why something あなた know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and あなた just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because あなた were freaking out over something I told あなた was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY スプリット, 分割 and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD または maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor または anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
TFW あなた lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 質問 longer than the one あなた will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 分 to spare when あなた really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental 宇宙 - either that または briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that あなた were もっと見る attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep あなた alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five 秒 in ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having または only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot もっと見る then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an 時 break XD ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
Man going through your tumblr (a place あなた only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause あなた know あなた had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL または BE HERE." 投稿されました ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck あなた And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me ·11 か月前
Riku114 コメントしました…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that 日 XD ·11 か月前
Riku114 発言しました …
tfw あなた went to the nearby campus market to get もっと見る Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an 時 after あなた come back あなた just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" 投稿されました ·11 か月前