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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> 表示中 him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> 日 he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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1. Every 日 at school is the same
2. あなた never know if your braids look digusting または not
3. あなた are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. あなた would like to think that people notice または even think about あなた but あなた are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows または cares about
5. あなた worry people will write nasty コメント on your ファンポップ 記事 that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all あなた do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When あなた only really have like 3 フレンズ at school and 2 of them...
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posted by samuraibond005
I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether または not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, 秒 of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...
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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If あなた have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal によって conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what あなた think."

7. Claim that あなた must always wear a bicycle ヘルメット as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that あなた are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the ベッド holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say あなた know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors によって your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as あなた can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by Tamar20
1. WRITE EVERYTHING IN バッジ LOCK OVERUSE バッジ LOCK! WHEN あなた REALLY SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL バッジ THOUGH, USE ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS!

2. Don't use any punctuation.

3. Purposely spell things wrong and then get really upset when people don't understand you.

4. Overuse the comma, for example: "today, I, really, had, a, bad, day."

5. Use Sticky バッジ Capitalize every other letter.

6. Forget the grammar And when someone asks あなた what あなた mean just repeat it the exact same way.

7. Capitalize each word This annoys some people very, very much.

8. Use absolutely no vowels.

9. Answer every thing they say...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This 一覧 was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My お気に入り are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round 表, テーブル was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much あなた push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do あなた want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take あなた out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call あなた sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give あなた a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why あなた are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are あなた going through now?

"I 愛 you, too." = Okay, I 発言しました it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a 木, ツリー and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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posted by karpach_14
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

When a man brings his wife お花 for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, あなた haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. あなた order what あなた want, then when あなた see what the other fellow has, あなた wish あなた had ordered that.
Unknown

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear スーパーマン pajamas. スーパーマン wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a ハート, 心 attack. His ハート, 心 isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first あなた don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on 火災, 火 with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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posted by happyfreak
A friend of mine has another friend that is addicted to meth. She found this and gave it to her friend. She then gave me a copy because she 発言しました it was sad and cared enough to let me know what meth is and does.

This poem was written によって a young Indiana girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to Meth. She wrote this while in jail. As あなた will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her...
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posted by spunkyonyx
If あなた have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, あなた have $1.19. あなた also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the リンカーン Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest ランダム speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once...
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Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. あなた can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil または paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever あなた really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!


FIRST QUESTION: あなた are participating in a race. あなた overtake the 秒 person. What position are あなた in?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

ANSWER: If あなた answer that あなた are first, then あなた are absolutely wrong! If あなた overtake the 秒 person and あなた take his place, あなた are second! Try not to screw up in the 次 question.

To answer the 秒 question, don't take as much
time as あなた took for the first question.

SECOND...
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Here are the signs:

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells あなた a joke and あなた say "LOL".

3. あなた watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. あなた have called out someone's screen name while making 愛 to your significant other.

5. あなた keep begging your フレンズ to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to- face.

8. あなた have to get a 2d phone line just so あなた can call ピザ Hut.

9. あなた go into labour and あなた stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're...
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1. 移動する the refrigerator into the bathroom (preferably in the bath tub)

2. Hang outside from an upstairs window

3. 移動する all of your furniture into their room and when they return home, insist that your imaginary friend needed some personal 宇宙 so あなた have to 移動する into their room

4. Decorate the roof with glitter and ketchup.

5. Carve the lyrics of Elmo's song into every tree.

6. Mow the lawn in certain places to create the word 'pie'

7. Memorize pi, then illustrate it on a large sheet of paper insisting that your mother hangs it on the fridge.

8. Replace all 'grade A' papers hung up on the fridge...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
found on different websites, but crazy baby names have been driving me nuts. Time to get the word out that parents need to stop and think before they let the doctor put pen to paper.

Al Bino (albino)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Anna Sassin (an assassin)
Annie Howe (any how)
Barb Dwyer (barbed wire)
Barry Cade (barricade)
Ben Dover (bend over)
Brighton Early (bright and early)
Brock Lee (broccoli)
Chris クロス (criss-cross)
Chris P. ベーコン (crispy bacon)
Constance Noring (constant snoring)
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters (crystal clear waters)
Dan Druff (dandruff)
Richard Burns (dick burns)
Richard...
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posted by invadercalliope
Well I know エモ isn't a type of person it's just a type of music.
So it's kinda like a sad story.
It's ok if あなた cry.
So enjoy.
get your popcorn
Sit down on your chair
it didn't make me cry
STORY STARTS:
A girl named melanie
was being bullied at skool
People laughed at her
She pretended not to care and tryed not to listen
but inside it was killing her.
She felt no one cared about her
That is she died no one would attend her funeral
Until!
She met a boy within 分 of meeting him.
She was totally in love.
She knew he would never be interested in her.
So she went ホーム and cryed uncontrolably.
The 次 日 at...
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posted by cutiegirl01
1. Pretend that your 机, デスク is a drum and ur pencils are drum sticks.

2. Randomly hypervenlate out of no where.

3. when ur teacher asks if there are an questains on the testhomework shout out 'WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO # 10!'

4. break your pencil on purpse in front of them when there talking then get up and sharpen it.

5. If they ask あなた to guess theyre age (no they wont) guess 10 years older then u really think.

6. On ur paper write a ランダム 年 and someone elses name and write ur name on a smart kids.

7. Talk to people u hate in class constently then when they tell u to stup up say 'they're bugging me!'...
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Dear Noah, We could've sworn あなた 発言しました the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.

---

Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.

---

The guy who puts down イヌ at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do あなた do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."

---

Do あなた know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.

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The worst time to have a ハート, 心 attack is during a game of charades.

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You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.

---

"Want to play the rape game?"...
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