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posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope あなた like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when あなた heard someone talking on the intercom, あなた fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give あなた a ride ホーム and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a キノコ and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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posted by Jasonfan44
It's an iPod app.

1. Men are 6 times もっと見る likely to get struck によって lightning then women

2. On average, adults watch double the amount of TV as teenagers do

3. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".

4. At the height of its power(400 BCE) the Greek city of Sparta had 500,000 slaves and only 25,000 citizens

5. The state of Florida is bigger than England

6. Approximate number of facial expressions イヌ can make: 100

7. A カタツムリ can sleep for 3 years

8. It is illegal for tourists to enter Mexico with もっと見る than 2 CD's

9. Muhammad is the most common first name in the world...
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posted by Me_Iz_Here
There are a lot of creeps on Omegle. Whether you're just bored, trolling, または being a creep, あなた will definitely run into a pervert on Omegle. So here are some comebacks あなた can use.

Stranger: Horny?
You: Yes.
You: BECAUSE I'M A UNICORN!

Stranger: ASL.
You: Sorry, I don't speak American Sign Language.

Stranger: 17 M looking for horny females
You": 85, M, looking for other gay men.

Stranger: Wanna chat with hot girls? Go to "Babesofomegle . com"
You: No thanks I don't feel like seeing whores like you.

Strangers: Wanna fuck?
You: How the fuck are we gonna fuck if you're so fucking far away and I'm not gonna fucking tell あなた where I fucking live so we can fuck ランダム strangers.

Stranger: あなた like dick?
You: Yes, I do like Dick. He's very nice. I don't get why people make fun of him for his name.
You: あなた ARE talking about the person, right?

Other ways are to just repeat the same thing over and over again, または copy everything they say.
posted by fanfly
A while back I wrote an 記事 about link. I've decided to follow it up with a tutorial on how to make icons! They're actually much the same- the major difference is size.

You will need an image editing program. I use Corel Paint ショップ Pro but I think most people use Photoshop.

There's also the following online programs but I've never used them and this tutorial isn't necessarily meant to be used with them because I have no idea what these programs are capable of doing.

link
link
link




the Size of Your アイコン Matters


Now this part is extremely important and I can't tell あなた how many アイコン I've seen that...
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posted by xxemogirl101xx
For people that hate stereotypes.


1. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

2. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

3. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

4. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

5. I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

6. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

7. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

8. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

9. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

10. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

11. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

12. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

13. I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell

14. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF あなた DON'T PASS THIS ON あなた DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All 日 long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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Ok so me and my friend 愛 the mall but what makes it もっと見る fun are the following

-When your ロスト looking for a store ask them in a british accents! here's an example "Pardon me, could あなた please point me in the direction of ______" (if u are british do it in a differnt accent like american austraian ect.)

-When あなた go into a store adress your friend によって a differnt name and have a weird personality

-if あなた go into one of those store that plays the 音楽 REALLY loud, sing along like there's nobody else in the store but あなた and ur friend.

-Have weird conversations about ランダム things. like terrorists または something

Have fun with フレンズ at the mall!
link

60. Matthias
59. Thaddeus
58. Asia
57. Ananias
56. Syria
55. Ephesus
54. Esau
53. Mt. Zion
52. An-ti-och
51. King Nebuchadnezzar
50. Macedonia
49. Jacob
48. Moses
47. Judah
46. Abraham
45. Kerith
44. Sapphira
43. Ahab
42. Rehoboam
41. Jeroboam
40. Baasha
39. Mahar-shalal-hash-baz
38. Maale-akrabbim
37. Isaiah
36. Je'ho'sha'phat
35. Ahaziah
34. クイーン Athaliah
33. Pastor Eric
32. Zechariah
31. Joel
30. Pastor Ian
29. Jeremiah
28. Brad
27. Abijah
26. Ahijah
25. Uzziah
24. Thessalonians
23. Jerusalem
22. Titus
21. Tabitha
20. Thaddeus
19. Pastor Kerry
18. Tirshatha
17. Dalmatia
16. Simon-Peter-Leaka-tepha-lika
15. Hezekiah
14. Barrabas
13. Tarpelites
12. Demetrius
11. Deuteronomy
10. Exodus
09. Leviticus
08. Ezekiel
07. Gethsemane
06. Mary
05. Gabriel
04. Matthew-Mark-Luke-Johnaliqua
03. Gettah Hepher
02. Kadesh Barnea
01. JESUS
posted by ilovepenguins
I didn't write this!


Sell used bus tickets. Claim they are for half the price.

Get on the bus, grinning widely. As soon as the bus begins to move, burst into song. When あなた arrive at the 次 stop, stop singing. Step off the bus backwards, still grinning widely.

If あなた are seated between two passengers, yawn loudly, strech, and put your arms around them.

Greet passengers with a big hug, handshake, smile and say ³Hi, call me Norman²

Put a leash on a friend and walk him/her onto the bus. Insist he/she is a dog and should go for half fare.

When arriving at your stop, do not push the button to...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time あなた turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him または her that you’ve ロスト your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he または she has anything...
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1. あなた can do whatever あなた damn well please.

2. Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face.

3. Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?

4. あなた can leave bra and other unmentionables in view.

5. あなた can slump around the house in any old thing.

6. あなた don't having to think about birth control, calendars または ovulation. Mother Nature can visit whenever she likes.

7. あなた can go out and flirt as much as your ハート, 心 desires, without a worry in the world.

8. The toilet シート, 座席 issue -- need I say more?

9. Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All あなた Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's ハート, 心 is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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posted by thatguywashot
1.Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

2.A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

3.Put stray イヌ in コート closets.

4.Un-tune the piano.

5.Replace the pianist's sheet 音楽 with "Stairway to Heaven".

6.Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

7.Find an empty seat, and ask the person 次 to it: "Is this シート, 座席 SAVED?"

8.Toss around a giant ビーチ ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.

9.Ten 分 before it starts, find...
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posted by My8thUsername
A/N:Okay, I have seen a lot of these around, so I decided to look through through all of them an make my own 一覧 of 上, ページのトップへ Five 'Roses Are Red' Poems. Just cause I wanted to. Basically, everything I do is 'just cause I want to'. Except homework.

5.A/N:Best disclaimer EVER! Well, one of them...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Me no own
So あなた no sue

4."Roses are red, violets are blue."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An オレンジ is orange, but Greenland's not green
And pinkies aren't pink. So what does it mean?...
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posted by EmzLovesCheryl
Hey, this is my piece for my drama exam, without the stage directions. I started 書く it out on here as a way of learning it, then I thought, why no post it? I may as well, it's going to do no harm. :D
So here it is, its rather depressing though. So if あなた don't need to be depressed right now, then I suggest あなた don't read it. :)




[Give me a break. You’re going to go back to your フレンズ and either forget all about us または tell a story about the hideous freak あなた met tonight. あなた don’t know me, if あなた did, you’d never think we’d be friends. I don’t have フレンズ - except my brother....
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Jetzt geht's los Freunde
Hier ist Markus Becker und die Mallorca Cowboys und das rote Pferd

Wir singen zusammen
Da hat das rote Pferd sich einfach umgekehrt
und hat mit seinem Schwanz die Fliege abgewehrt
Die Fliege war nicht dumm,
sie machte summ,summ,summ
Und flog mit viel Gebrumm
um's rote Pferd herum

lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala
lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala

Ok Freunde,
das war nicht schlecht für デン Anfang
Aber da geht noch was
Seit ihr gut drauf? Jaaa
Habt ihr lust zu feiern? Jaaa
Dann macht euch bereit und singt mit uns zusammen


Die Fliege...
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Hello I'm NOT the nostalgia critic, I remembered it so あなた don't have to. I've been watching NC's biggest dumba** in distress video and I thought I'd do one. Except for me it's only going to be characters that are animated and it's not only going to be female characters, there are some male characters here too. With other characters I can find at least some aspect of heroics in them except for these characters. Please keep in mind that this is just my opinion and I don't hate all of these characters. Please comments, enjoy.

10.Esmeralda(The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

I promise I'm not being...
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[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to 愛 Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to 愛 every day.
Contributed によって funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are あなた talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed によって funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, あなた have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed によって funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond]...
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"Sometimes あなた wanna give up cause あなた dont think that あなた can make it. But in the end you'll be ok. Things will come and go.

You have to hang tight, hold on, be strong, 移動する on, and keep your chin up. Cause tomorrow you'll deside on another way.

When everything inside あなた hurts, あなた just cant believe how it always comes back so much wrose. Just when あなた think あなた had all あなた can take, just stick up your head and know that あなた will always have a better day.

Somedays it can be hard and feels like the world is spining. Its never easy but we have rough times to try and build up our character not...
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FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for 食
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason あなた have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents によって their first names.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail あなた out of jail and tell あなた what あなた did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would be sittin 次 to あなた sayin "Dang...... that was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Have never seen あなた cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about...
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