この質問に回答する

ランダム 質問

I'm 書く a Novel and I Want to Know if its Written Well または Do I Need Changes?

Darkwing: The Tale of a Bat and the Destiny

Chapter 1

The moonlight shone throughout the forest, catching a glimpse of the trees and their shadows. The bats flew around the night sky catching prey and whatnot. A little bat sat on the branch watching all of the other bats; his tiny tuffs of hair covering his right eye and his 毛皮 flowing with the gentle breeze. A beautiful, slightly large bat bigger than all the others, flew over to the little bat and she spoke in a gentle tone.

“Darkwing”

“Yes mother?”

“Hello my son, do あなた see all of these bats before あなた flying and out on their hunt?”

“Why yes I do”

“You will one 日 fly among them, spreading those beautiful wings of yours. Putting fear into enemies’ eyes as they take a look at you. They’ll cower into hiding….you will make us proud, all of us” She took a gentle glimpse of her little son who looked at her with his gorgeous red eyes.

“I understand, I hope that one 日 I will fly among the other bats and go on hunts” He squeaked happily, his mother had chuckled a bit before wrapping her large wings around him, he too wrapping his wings around his mother.

“I 愛 you, my son”

“I 愛 あなた too mother, will あなた always be with me?”

“No my dear, there will be one 日 that I will have to pass and go up to heaven but that is far from now sweetheart, for as long as あなた grow, I’ll be here によって your side” She kissed the 上, ページのトップへ of his head lightly, then looking into his eyes.

“Did あなた finish your dinner?”

“I have mother”

“Have あなた cleaned yourself?”

“I have mother”

“That’s my good boy” She nuzzled him before leaving the branch on which he sat. She joined the group of bats as Darkwing watched her go. He heard something in the distance as his ears perked up, he curiously crawled over the branch
*
I 投稿されました the WHOLE first chapter buut it came out as half >_< Oh well =P
16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
 16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
next question »

ランダム 回答

misscrazel said:
Yea I like it.
select as best answer
posted 1年以上前 
*
:))
16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
*
It's better than some published books.
misscrazel posted 1年以上前
*
Cool!
misscrazel posted 1年以上前
Seastar4374 said:
I like it so far, its good c:
select as best answer
posted 1年以上前 
*
Thanks Rochelle :))
16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
Sylvia_Puffin said:
Well done, fellow writer.

I can tell あなた that あなた do need a little work, but hey, everyone does. あなた are clearly as writer, and I think あなた could definitely get published. I would recommend a little rewriting; あなた pick things up in the 書く process and usually need to go back and revise. But it's really good. :D
select as best answer
posted 1年以上前 
*
Thank あなた very much ^.^ I'm glad how the story came out :)) I'll revise and rewrite the story as あなた recommend :) I recently started getting into 書く and I enjoy it dearly :3
16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
*
That's cool. I can tell あなた that you're a much better writer than I was when I started.
Sylvia_Puffin posted 1年以上前
*
Yeah it is. Well practice makes perfect ^.^ Everyone gets better as they learn. I like to read stories other people wrote to learn how to build up sentences and the right wording. Sometimes its hard for me to come up with like titles and great main ideas.
16falloutboy posted 1年以上前
next question »